Sadness is a Subtle Undertone

I have crawled back-
Clawing and scratching to hold on.
Out of the black hollows,
Of my own rotted soul.
He awaited me,
Having made it back out-
of his own accord,
Of the same dispair as I,
However unbeknownst it seemed,
To us two.

Why do we love like this?
Love like this too sweet,
That it must be a sin-
That if it were not a sin,
Then it should be something far worse.
To fall into a depth of such maddening misunderstanding,
Should be known as a sin in it's own right-
The selfishness of us individually,
Causing such betrayal of the entirety of the whole of us.

There is nothing more terrifying,
Than the unknown,
But why should it frighten me so?
When it is simply unknown,
And not able to be,
Manipulated by my own hand-
No matter what causes me to try-
And no amount of trying,
Could affect it to change.

There is nothing remotely uncouth,
With the notion of the unknown.
Although stating that fact,
Frightens me still.
It is a necessary evil in this-
This strange unrequited love.
This love is unknown to me and mad-
Yet a love I would not give up,
For all of the knowing in the world.

It is my sweetest obsession,
And for once-
It is not of the dangerous kind.
For underneath it all,
There is nothing but pure,
Deep-seated love.
And there is nothing selfish,
In wanting love,
In wanting him-
Nor in him wanting me,
I am completely his for the taking.
In whichever context,
This bittersweet life might allow.

My love for him will not change,
Nor yeild,
But the context of such love-
The way it chooses to manifest,
The ebb and the flow,
No man could decide.
It is love which dictates,
Where it will lead,
And I have no bearing,
Nor care of it.
I have resigned myself,
To let it run it's own haphazard course.
For this love-
Not all which it entails,
Just simply the foundation,
The base of this love,
Is all which may matter to me in this world.

-JM