Failed

I heard the door slam shut and I knew it was time. It was time to go, wasn't I already dead anyways? Depression had already been conquered, I felt nothing anymore, not even the five ton despair that I'd felt in the past few months. Not even the bright red streaks brought me pleasure any longer, for I could not even feel the pain. The pain that I desperately craved. Weeks had been spent going deeper and deeper until the scarlet streams would run throughout the day... Yet no pain. Voices whispered at me quietly as I hammered the hook into the ceiling. The voices who were losing their voice, the ones who had pushed me onto this alternative road of the walking dead, shoved me into the heavy, pounding fog. ​

The thick leather belt was dangling now. Release was so close now, so close I could finally feel my heart thumping in my chest. Numbly walking through the kitchen, into the dining room. Nothing but the chair was visible. I looked around in wonder, wondering if anything I saw would change my mind. Then I remembered someone as gone and lost as me might as well not even have a mind. I felt nothing.

Screeching seemed to echo in my ears as I dragged the chair back into the room, I was too weak to lift it. I climbed into the chair, looped the belt around my ice cold neck. Suddenly, the world turned black and white, and a tear fell. That tear I'd never forget, because that's when I started losing my sight.

No hesitation. I thought. And I'm so sorry Luke, but this is the only way I'll ever escape the voices. I sighed, and kicked the chair.

I heard the crack as clearly as I could feel the heavy scars on my arms. It was the sound of my life ending, the sound of the end, a cry of relief. Then, I felt the carpet on the side of my face. I could feel the burning leather around my neck and the pain of someone wrapping their hands around my throat and squeezing. Cool air brushed my skin and I looked around the black and white room. Slowly, I realized what had happened.

I failed. Horrified tears started streaming down my disbelieving face. I heard the front door open and my eyes closed. I failed.