The Blabber of the Gods

The Blabber of the Gods

APOLLO:  We need to talk, Dionysus.  You’re life isn’t heading anywhere.  All you do is drink and party all of the time.

DIONYSUS:  Can we talk about this later?  Perhaps when I’m sober?

APOLLO:  But you’re never sober! 

DIONYSUS:  Alright, then in that case, we never have to talk about it.

APOLLO:  No, that’s exactly the problem!

DIONYSUS:  But I’m doing just fine.  It’s not a problem at all for me. 

APOLLO:  Of course, it’s not a problem for you.  The very idea of a problem doesn’t even exist in your world.

DIONYSUS:  Yup.  No problems at all.  Isn’t that the dream of everyone?

APOLLO:  Maybe the dream, but it can’t be the reality.  Or else no one would ever be heading anywhere in life.

DIONYSUS:  I don’t usually have any reason to head anywhere.  I prefer to dance rather than walk.

APOLLO:  But that way of living can never accomplish anything!

DIONYSUS:  What does accomplishing things accomplish?

APOLLO:  You’re just speaking nonsense now.

DIONYSUS:  That’s probably the case.  This is my third bottle of wine.  Would you like some?  I have an infinite supply.

APOLLO:  No I would not like some!  I prefer to stay sober.  I refuse to cloud reality.

DIONYSUS:  Reality?  Hah!  What is this reality of which you speak?

APOLLO:  Well, unlike you, where reality is one big blissful blur, I can actually make sense of the world. 

DIONYSUS:  Fascinating!  What sense do you make of it?  In am quite interested to hear.  Enlighten me.

APOLLO:  If I were in your position, I wouldn’t know how go about living in the world.  But, because I am not inebriated, I know what to do.  For example, I know which armies to bless which to curse because I can tell which ones are just and which are unjust.

DIONYSUS:  How could you possible know that what is just deserves to be blessed and what is unjust deserves to be cursed?

APOLLO:  That’s just an obvious moral principle that you’d realize if you were ever sober.

DIONYSUS:  I think I’d just rather make my own moral principle.  And I think I’ve figured out what I want my moral principle to be. 

APOLLO:  Just one?  Is it the golden rule?

DIONYSUS:  No, it’s this:  It is stupid to care about what moral principles are.

APOLLO:  Honestly?  What kind of moral principle is that?  How could you not care about what Hitler’s moral principles are?  Or Stalin’s, or Ted Bundy’s?  It’s just obvious that these people’s moral principles are horribly wrong!

DIONYSUS:  Oh, stop it with all your moral blabbering.  It makes me sick.  Besides, Hitler, Stalin and Bundy won’t even exist for another few thousand years.

APOLLO:  It makes you sick?  I thought you never had any problems with anything?

DIONYSUS:  Oh my, did I just accuse you of going against my morals?  Why, this is simply pathetic.  I’ve become just like you.  The wine must be wearing off.  I best be popping open another bottle immediately.

APOLLO:  No, don’t do that!  You’ve finally made something of yourself!

DIONYSUS:  I don’t want to make anything of myself, though.  I want to go back into never having any problems with anything.  Where is that corkscrew?  Ah, here it is!

APOLLO:  But then you want to make yourself one who does not make anything of himself, then that is something you have a problem with and want to change, and so you fall right back into it.

DIONYSUS:  Wow, this is some really tasty wine.  Mortals can only dream of the taste that this wine has.  I’m quite aware of the predicament it seems like I’m in.  Fortunately, I can just get so drunk that I won’t even think of the reason why I got drunk in the first place. 
 
APOLLO:  What will that solve?

DIONYSUS:  When I am that drunk, I won’t be a hypocrite anymore, because I won’t be trying to be anything or not be anything.  It’s just silly to think about personal goals when you’re drunk as a skunk.

APOLLO:  It seems like you’re just deluding yourself then.

DIONYSUS:  Not nearly as much of a delusion as thinking there are some bad things and some good ones.  Wow, this bottle’s already empty?  That was fast—time to grab another.  Do you still not want one?  It’s quite literally the finest wine on earth.

APOLLO:  I’m afraid I’ll still have to pass.  That type of utter apathy is something I am entirely opposed to.

DIONYSUS:  More for me then.  That’s just fine with me!