On Acceptance: Self and Others

On Acceptance:  Self and Others  March 1979.


Carl R. Rogers, in the first part of his book "On Becoming a Person," mentions as a part of his personal philosophy that "each person is an island unto himself, in a very real sense; and he can only build bridges to other islands if he is first of all willing to be himself and permitted to be himself." (p.21)  Learning to accept oneself and then extending the process to include others in fundamental to true human interaction.  In order to have a freely flowing exchange of ideas it is imperative that the people involved honestly put forth their true selves rather than hiding behind fearful fac,ades of self-imposed restraints.  Compassion for the thoughts of others and respect for both the differences and similarities of those opinions are mandatory for the trust necessary for an honest relationship.

However, before a person can learn to accept others he must develop an understanding and respect for his own being.  He needs to explore his own island; the swamps as well as the sunny meadows, and discover both the natural resources and the depletions.  He has to be willing to acknowledge his strengths and weaknesses in order to make them work for him, for he will never be able to change the parts of his character that he dislikes until he brings them out of hiding and realizes that they are a valid part of his unique self.

When a person accepts himself as he is, he can begin to move toward becoming the person he'd like to be.  This process can only be accomplished when the person feels he is free to be himself, and not the self that others may feel he should be.  The imposition of another will restrains the expression of what a person my feel is his true inner being by implying that the other person's personality is the "right" character to have, and in essence that a cloning effect is desirable.  This may intimidate the person in expressing his inner self event though he has learned to accept it, and may do further damage by causing him to once again doubt the validity of his character.  Therefore, once a person has discovered his inner characteristics, he must be permitted to express them.

A lack of restraint and intimidation is necessary for communication among human beings in order to reach the essence of other ideas.  The acceptance of self and others without qualification is implicit in the education and expansion of the mind, for it allows new idea to assume an unthreatening stance to self-acceptance, which permits them to be examined for their own merits and fallibilities rather than from a defensive personal standpoint.  Reinforcement of both self and others promotes open-mindedness and human change.


Rogers, Dr. Carl Ransom, "On Becoming A Person:  A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy," (Houghton-Mifflin, Boston) 1961.  (paperback edition)