Assignment 6

“Get yourself up and out of that bed.” She glared down at me. Her voice and accent grated on my nerves more than usual. What was she doing in my room?

“I have not slept in days.” I glared back at her. “You have kept me up for several nights and now you expect  me to spring out of bed at your bidding…no way.” I pulled the covers over my faced and turned away from her. She pulled them off of me and I sat up defiantly. I was pissed. I shot her another hateful glance.  Irritatingly enough, she smiled back at me.

“We be going on an adventure.”  Her gentle face began melting my resistance. “Get up and get dressed. You needs to have some fun in your life.” She paused for a second contemplating some unknown thought and then took a long deep breath. “I be needing some fun in my life also. Just cause I be one hundred and five years old ….don’t mean that I can’t be havin’ some fun too.”

I watched her as she moved into the kitchen. Her footsteps sprung off the plank floors and bounced her long frayed skirt to and fro. As much as I hated to admit it to myself, she was the most amazing human being I had ever known. At one hundred and five years old she was a force to be reckoned with.  Her physical body was younger than most seventy year old's that I had known. She was, in many ways, unstoppable. How could I resist and adventurer with a centurion?

I dressed hurriedly. Within me, excitement was brewing. My fingers were tingling in anticipation…or lack of sleep. I was unsure which, but it did not matter. As I strode into the kitchen, I saw that she was dressed and ready to go. She had on a long black skirt, a plain cotton blouse, a camouflage vest, a pair of old army boots on her feet and a gun holster around her waist. I could not imagine anyone hiking the mountain terrain in that. She read my mind and as she did a huge smile covered her face.

“Don’t be gawking’ at me.” She picked up two towels and started to the door. “Let’s go.”

I followed her in silence into the woods. At first her pace was easy and gentle upon the earth. We took a trail that was barely visible to the eye.  I would have never found it if I were by myself. She commented to me that the deer and bear often used this trail, but for me not to worry, she had relationships with them. Relationships or not, I clung to her. As we continued to climb up the mountainside, her pace increased. It seemed as though her feet hardly touched the earth.  I could barely keep up with her. She moved like a thirty year old, skipping over roots, scrambling up embankments and sliding over rocks. Behind her, I stumbled. My breath was loud and labored. Her breath was quite and unnoticeable.

Finally, she turned to me with her fingers up at her lips, imploring me to be silent. She became as still as the great hemlock tree she stood underneath.  I watched as she turned her head slightly, to angle her ear towards the west. I strained both my ears and eyes searching for the object of her attention.  I did not see or hear anything. She stood her ground and waited. I stood behind her and waited. In that moment of waiting, I took a long breath.

Since I had focused on keeping up with Grandma Evie in order to avoid bears, I had remained unaware of my surroundings. Now that we were still, I felt my attention turn to the forest. We were standing under an ancient hemlock tree whose trunk appeared to be nearly ten feet in circumference. It grew high into the sky and from my perspective its top appeared to become lost in the cotton candy clouds.  Gathered around the hemlock were hundreds of ferns. The ferns covered the ground floor, gently bending to the earth.  Dew droplets were gently resting on each frond, readying their selves to drip down and nourish the earth.  The earth smelled of moss and fern…of rotting timbers logged long ago ….and of decaying plants that had given them selves to the rich dark soil.

Above us, the trees had created a canopy of various shades of green. In between the limbs and leaves, I could see bits and pieces of an azure blue sky.  The air felt clean and charged with an energy I could not name. As we stood in silence, I began to hear the smallest of noises. To the left, I could hear tiny footsteps upon the crisp leaves.  I wondered if it were a mouse scampering about or maybe even a squirrel.  The silence and the forest magnified each sound. My body became perfectly still. Above us, I heard the cry of the red tail hawk. As the red tail called to its mate, shivers ran up and down my spine. I became part of the moment and found myself lost in its mystery.  And for that moment, I did not want to leave. I did not want to escape. I yearned to stay put and just be.

“You see,” Her whisper was barely audible. I had not noticed that she had moved next to me. “The forest has many gifts for us if we take the time to be noticing them.” She pointed up to the hawk. “Eva, the hawk welcomes you.”

I started to reply, but once again she put her fingers over her lips to silence me.  Silence was not new to me, but truly listening was a skill I had not fully developed. I wanted to share with her my observations, but something deep within me bade silence. I did not want to break the magic with my words.

It was not long until I heard the sound of rushing water. Grandma Evie stepped even faster. Her excitement was pulsating through the forest. The wind picked up and the birds began singing even louder. I felt as though something profound was about to take place, but I could not allow my self any expectations.  Expectations had spoiled many moments in my life and I no longer allowed them into my consciousness. I did allow Grandma Evie’s enthusiasm to propel me forward. There was something she was sharing with me and I instinctively knew that her sharing with me meant the world to her.

I tried to keep up, but stumbled several times and then I lost site of her. I followed the trail and as I topped the crest of a hill, the sound of water became overwhelming. Below me lay a creek flowing into an incredible waterfall. I stood gasping at the site, only to see Grandma Evie, step out onto a rock. Her gray hair was unbound and flowing down her back and she was completely naked. She looked up at me smiling and waving me onward. Then, unannounced she let out a scream so primal that I believed the forest quaked. As she screamed, she leaped from the rock and into the falls.

I tripped down the trail to the water and threw my back pack off my back onto the wet rocks. I could not see Evie. The water was rushing with incredible force and near the place she had jumped a whirlpool at formed. I began pulling off my shoes intending to jump in and save her, when she popped out of the whirlpool. Her arms were over her head and she was screaming at the top of her lungs.   

“Look at me child,” She shouted over the rushing water as she pulled herself back up onto the rock. “This is life. This is the essence of all that we is and all that we will ever be”

I stood dumbfounded. I had one shoe on and one shoe off. My legs were trembling.

“Eva….take those clothes off and get in this water.”  Her voice was commanding. “Get in the flow of life.”

I was mesmerized by her. She was amazing. She sat in her hundred year old skin and her aging body as proud as a twenty year old would be. She was completely unafraid of who she was. In contrast, I felt embarrassed….for her and for me. I lived from a place where fear and control dominated my every decision. I would not have ever imagined taking my clothes off and jumping into water, while she did not give it a second thought.  For Grandma Evie, jumping into the cold mountain water was a way of life.  Maybe I was born without her genes. Or maybe, I was just about to be born into who I truly was.

“I can’t” I replied as I pulled my shirt closer to my body.

She stood up on the rock facing me. She was a force to be reckoned with and if truth be told, she was the only female person I had ever seen naked.  She was more than beautiful. She was resplendent. If I had not known her age, I would have guessed her to be in her late fifties. Her body was athletic and no way resembled the aging bodies I had studied in my college sexuality class. Her breast were high, her arms firm and her stomach muscles were tight. Her skin shimmered as the water dripped off of her and onto the ground.

I had never seen my mother, or any of my sisters naked in person.  In high school and college I had always hidden in the locker room shower and dressed. I would have been appalled if anyone had seen my gangly frame. Even with Nathan, I was shy. I would not enter into our room naked if the lights were on. We always made love under the auspices of darkness. Now, as I looked at the majestic woman standing in front of me, I found new appreciation for the woman I was and the woman I was becoming.

“You can Eva.” She took a step towards me and held out her hand. “I will help you.”

I froze. I could not move. I could not speak. She gently lowered her body back into the water and swam over to me. Before I could object, she was standing next to me. She put her strong arms around my shoulder and held me. As she touched me I realized that I was crying. Actually, I was sobbing.

“Let’s jump together.” She whispered in my ear.

“What?”

She tugged on my shirt and before I knew it, I was in the water following her to the rock. She pulled herself up and I followed.

“What is your favorite war cry?” She asked me as I stood next to her shivering.

“What?”

“You know,” Her eyes twinkled. “The sound you make when you cry out to the universe. Your war cry!”

“I do not have a war cry. I have never cried out to the universe.”

“Then make one up.” She tugged at my shirt again. I pulled it tighter to me.” Every soul needs a war cry.” She banged on her chest then shrugged her shoulders. “You are a stick in the mud, Eva.” Her statement was curt, but not hurtful. She always spoke the truth.

“Yes, I suppose I am.”

She let go of my hand and bent down next to the water. I felt my body slacken a little bit. Maybe I would not have to jump into the whirlpool or have a war cry. Maybe she would just let me be. Just as the thought ran through my head, she turned to me and hit me square in the face with a hand full of mud.

“Oh, my God.” The words had just escaped my lips as she began smearing mud all over my shirt and rubbing it into my face.

“Stop it.” I demanded. However, she had other plans. She once again smacked me with mud, encrusting my hair in dark muck.

“Stop it now!” I screamed above the water. “I mean it.”

“You do?” She was beaming. Once again I was faced with a precocious twenty year old.  All of the sudden, I knew there was no reasoning with her.

She pushed me.

Then I did an unthinkable act. I pushed back.

She pushed me again. And I pushed back.

Before long, she had pushed me into the rushing water and I was spiraling downward into the whirlpool. There was nothing I could control. If I tried to fight the downward spiral, I only went deeper into endlessness. The only thing I could do was let go and when I did I popped up welcoming arms of daylight.

I gasped for air and saw her towering above me. She was awaiting me with another hand full of mud. 

“I give up.” I said as she flung the mud at my shoulder.

“It is bout time.” She retorted as she inched her way back into the frigid pool.

As she swam near me, I bent down and scooped up a handful of muck and flung it towards her. She laughed with abandoned and returned fire. We flung mud and swam in the water for the rest of the afternoon. The only sound that could be heard over the roaring falls was the sound of our laughter.

I gave up long before her. I raised my body out of the water and lay back on the earth. She climbed up after me and stretched out over a rock.

“This has been the most fun day I have had in many a year.” She turned her head towards me and smiled. “I will keep this in my heart always.” She sighed contented.

“You amaze me, Grandma Evie. You truly do.”  I felt sadness drifting upon her.

“Nothin’ to be amazed about.”  She sat up and began braiding her hair. Her fingers were as nimble as her mind. “You just need to let go of all those silly notions you have in your head.”

“What silly notions?”

“First one bein; that you are not beautiful….because you are. Second one bein’ that having fun is a sin…because it ain’t. Third one bein’ that the body is to be hidden…..you need to show off that beautiful work of nature. Fourth one….”

“OK. I get the picture.”  I chuckled at myself and she chuckled back.

“Grandma,” Some strange feeling was overcoming me. “My cheeks hurt from laughing so much. I do not think I have felt that since I was a child.”

She was silent for a moment and then spoke in much more somber tone. “That is one sad statement, child. You cheeks should be hurtin’ everyday from laughing so hard,” She paused. “Life is all about laughter…even when we find it hard to laugh.  Life is bein’ about every emotion you can possibly conceive….and even more…. life be about all the moments in between. The moments that hurt so bad they be taking your breath away or the ones that are so sacred you have not words for.” Her words hung in the air. The wind became still and I began to quiver. “You not laughing….now that makes me sad.”

“Don’t be sad, Grandma,” I stood up. “This is the happiest day of my life. Thank you for this gift. I will always cherish this.”

She turned and looked me straight in the eyes. “I thank you child, for you are a gift to me.”

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I realized that I felt more for her than I had ever felt for another person. She had lured me here to write down her life’s story, but it was my story that was being written. I wanted to tell her how much she meant to me, but the words would not form. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, but I could not.  Instead of speaking, I began ripping off my wet shirt and shorts. I threw my underwear into a near by tree and I climbed out to a small ledge above the rushing water. I raised my hands high up into the cool mountain air……..and then I as I dove into the whirlpool…..I let out my war cry.