Unknown is an Ocean

Unknown is an Ocean

  It was a very crowded road. The traffic was moving as same as the summer day- slow and long. I cursed myself on getting out at this time of the day. I am among those people who rarely go out. My expedition to the outside world is restricted to an occasional visit to some Art Galleries or some concerts. I believed that becoming famous has its drawback. It took only a few years for me to rise to become an acclaimed singer, and win many national and international awards. I never considered myself as a renowned singer, but of course accept that fate has taken me to the threshold of success. It is with astonishing pace that my life reached this peak. I often wonder looking at the various awards that I have got, is it the same ordinary girl from a remote village, who used to sing on small occasions? I am really proud to whatever fame and wealth that I have earned after long struggle.



Yet, I very well know my limitations and believe that what I have learnt is only a handful of water from the vast ocean. As the swimmer trying to learn more about the waves that never recedes, I know that there are many things in the world that is worth exploring. I also know that I have become what people want me to become. Wherever I go, I am swamped with crowd.



All on a sudden a strange feeling went through my mind. Suddenly I wondered is this exactly I was looking for? I found myself moving through a dark cave, thinking that the cave will end some time and I will see the light. But there was only an eye binding darkness, and I kept on searching for something. Like a person lost in darkness, I was keeping on wandering, aimless, as if in a search for something. Is it my own self, lost in the limelight, the unending concerts, the long journey abroad, hectic flight schedules, unknown faces, but the ever familiar stages that is seen everywhere, the long shows that goes on for a long night with demands from the public. I decided to call it a quits. Soon the newspaper carried the news of my retirement. Each of them had their own story to say. But neither of them bothered me. Decision made, I felt so light at heart .I retired to my cocoon, which I created for my own satisfaction. But I never knew that I have come out of my cocoon in a wrong day, too hot and crowded.



Like a child who discovered some thing new and is keen on exploring it, I went into a self-expedition. The discovery was astonishing. I discovered that underneath the sheath of Ragas, and Varnams, there is a soul that appreciated beautiful drawings and sculpture. It must have been there under me for God knows how many years. I realized that each drawings and paintings have their own language to speak. Some of the languages we understand and appreciate, some will remain lifeless. I felt it is the artiste’s mind that is being poured into the canvas, his creativity from his own feelings pouring from the brushes, similar to the ragas that comes out carrying out the emotions behind it, let it be love or devotion or faith.



A sudden jolt of traffic woke me from my reverie. It took me a few seconds to collect my shattered thoughts and come back to the present.  Was it a hasty decision to come out on this time of the day? But as I read the newspaper today morning, something said that I need to follow the news of an art exhibition. There was little time to grab some breakfast and take a taxi to reach the venue. That is how I happen to be in the midst of this chaos. I got down from the vehicle, gave the rent for the travel and went on to explore the city, which seemed to be a new experience for me. I never bothered whether people recognized me or not, my aim was to reach the studio as soon as possible. If at all they recognized me, they never appeared as if they recognized me. Thanks to my lucky stars. Suddenly a fear gripped me. How will I be able to locate my destination? There was no need for me to fear.



  The crowd that gathered at the venue gave me the indication that I reached the correct place. I made my way through the crowd. My stride went faster and my heartbeat grew more powerful in the anticipation what will be in store for me. An unknown emotion engulfed my mind. Is this some play of destiny that has brought me here? A small inner voice said that something new that I have never experienced in my life is going to happen. My heart began to pound behind my ribs with great anticipation. I entered the place with a tension that creased my forehead. What I saw was next to a wonder. I never imagined that a casual trip to a small art gallery in an unknown part of the city will change my life altogether. What seems to be a small place from outside appeared to be palatial inside. Don’t they say appearances are often deceptive?



  The gallery was lit by lamps everywhere and what appeared to be more like canvases pulsated with life in front of me. What I saw inside was breathtaking. Never have I saw paintings that were so lively. That was painting all right but did not carry any colours. The artiste used black and white in various combinations to give the picture a real image. I had to ask somebody to clarify my doubt whether they are photographs or paintings. As I watched them, one by one they came to life as if I have given life breathe to them. The room carried all emotions that existed in human mind. I cannot with wonder think what sort of emotion will have led the artiste to paint each canvas. I was surprised at the depth at which I am going through the paintings. I felt it is similar to giving birth. Conceiving an idea, carrying the same emotion in the mind for God knows how long, looking for the right opportunity to deliver the idea and emotion in the form of painting. Oh! It was overwhelming. 



  Suddenly I felt the urge to look out for the artiste. There was something written in the place of signature. But that was not enough to quench my thirst. I looked out for the official who can help me. It seemed that he recognized me and came forward. “ Madam, It is so nice meeting you. Please do come to our office, so that I can be to your help.”  I followed him to his office. All the way he went on talking but none of the words reached my ears. I had to cut short his friendly talk to overcome my eagerness. “ Sir, May I know who the artiste is.” The official did not oblige me. “ Sorry Madam. I am not allowed to disclose his identity. The artiste had asked to keep his identity a secret. He just said that he is putting his paintings for exhibition because he put his thoughts and emotions in his paintings and he wanted to convey the same to others. He is not doing for any popularity or fame. He has done a good job in this regard. These pictures are excellent and lively. Already some of his paintings have been sold for a good price.”



  Somehow this information about the artiste made me all the more eager to know about him. I was happy that somebody is still in hibernation like me. After long talks and too much of cajoling, I finally succeeded in getting the address about the artiste. I could not wait for another day. After a long search I finally reached the destination. This search became the turning point in my life. A new path opened before me that gave the actual meaning of life. What I thought about life is a mere mirage, a fancy and pompous one. It was a day of enlightenment for me.  The man refused to come before me. I requested and begged for a meeting with him. Finally I said who I was and perhaps he might have thought that we fall in the same boat and obliged to see me.



  I was really shocked to see the man standing in front of me. Perhaps he might have realized what I am looking at. “ Ms. Gayathri, I know that you are surprised to see me. You never expected to see the artiste who has rendered beautiful strokes and colours would have such a deformity.” Exactly, I was staring at his hands. He continued. “ But I am not sorry for myself. I was born with my hands impaired. But slowly I learned to live with it. I had to face a lot of difficulties. People teased me, laughed at me. I felt sad and depressed. Suddenly I turned my emotions to pictures. It took me a lot of practice. But I overcame a lot of hardships and brought my emotions into the canvas. I earned enough money to live a comfortable life. Now it is a service, a service to many like me, a service to Art and I am happy with what I get out of it.”



  The words echoed in my ears all through the way. It appeared to me that until now my life was worthless. I was running behind fame and money and exhausting my talents. And was I happy in that sort of life. Never I had satisfaction. Each day appeared to me like a dreadful affair. I had everything. But look at this man. He has money all right. But he never goes in search of money or fame. Both come behind him. With such a big disability, he draws such a good picture. I felt shame on myself. How much hard I tried to forget the man and his pictures, the more they are leaving a strong impression on my mind. That visit was the beginning of a long and close association. This friendship decided my goal.



  I am busy again with my charity services. I use my talent for the forsaken lives. Now happiness is knocking at my doorstep. The smiles in their faces brighten my day. There is a feeling of fulfillment, a feeling that my life is worth living and has the satisfaction that I am using my talent for a good and noble cause. Long nights among disabled children or the dreary journey to the charity shows are never a burden. I now realized that although I know about music there are many things unknown to me that is spread out like an unending ocean. I am enjoying my journey through this unknown ocean called Life…..