The Cold State

Chapter 1- Trapped

All I see are walls and all I hear is crying, screams being let out by tortured souls. You see women come here and they never leave, women with families only get to see their family once every two weeks but I haven’t got it that good the only I have to talk to are my thoughts.
My name is Georgia Wright and I was sent here on the 6th December 1904, at the age of 15 I am the youngest person here not a day goes by where I don’t think of the reason I’m here, the reason…the reason my family have cut all contact with me. It wasn’t my fault he said I led him on but no one would listen, when I tried to tell my mum she just used to dismiss it and called me a stupid girl, she used to say at best I was a hussy and at worse well let’s just say it’s one of those things you try to block out so you can’t feel the pain anymore.
Even sleep brings darkness, the darkness seems to engulf me providing me with thoughts…thoughts you wouldn’t even imagine in your darkest of dreams and as I try to escape it’s like the darkness is pulling me back never wanting to free me. Continuous night terrors about what happened to me, night terrors about my dad taking something from me, something I can never get back…my innocence.
Every morning at bathing time I scrub my skin so hard until I bleed but it feels good, it feels like the bad my dad did to me is getting washed away so it doesn’t hurt as much but it never works. It’s strange because no matter how hard I scrub myself the pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain I endured at the hands of my father.
As the night draws on I wonder what dreams I am going to have tonight praying that the darkness won’t engulf me again.

Chapter 2- Am I Free

What???? Where am I? Is this, no it can’t be, it is, it’s my room. The walls are still that blood red like I remember and my bed sheets are still all torn, cuddly teddies smothered in a blanket of dust, a musty smell fills the air. It’s like I never left.
I can hear mumbles coming from downstairs as I quietly open my door the mumbles get louder they see to be coming from the archway between the living room and kitchen. As I sneak onto the landing I glance over the banister hoping to catch a glimpse of the faces making the mumbles.
It’s mum and dad I can make out a few of the mumbles they are talking about what they are planning to do to keep me quiet. All I can hear my mum saying is
“If anyone found out it would bring shame on the family and that must not happen, we must go to any costs to prevent that happening”
At that exact moment I felt the piercing glance of my fathers chilling eyes looking at me and he started shouting
“GEORGIA GET DOWN HERE NOW YOU STUPID WHORE!!”
I turned round and ran back into my room as fast as my legs could carry me. I hid under my bed and held my breath praying that my dad wouldn’t find me. I can hear the thunderous footsteps from my father entering my room as the screeching voice follows them stinging my ears.
I feel a hand grab my foot and pull me forcefully from under the bed. It’s my father I feel a strong blow across my face followed by several blows to my stomach as I open my eyes my to find that my dad now has me pinned to the floor hitting me continually. I see him start to unbutton his shirt saying he’s going to teach me a lesson for everything I had done when I realise a lamp behind him as the darkness engulfed me again I reached out and hit him over the head with it. He just fell to the floor laying there motionless. All I can hear is my mum yelling
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!”
What had I done, I had become everything I hated my only option was to run.

Chapter 3- Where Am I

Pitch black… The darkness acts like a blanket hiding me from the reality of what’s just happened. The silhouettes of trees are barely visible; I can feel the icy cold droplets of rain piercing my skin with every drop. My legs carrying me as fast as they can then I just stop and collapse to the floor it feels like I’m unable to move.
As I lay motionless on the floor I can feel the tears that are full of trauma trickling down my face. I can feel all the hurt rushing out of my body, everything that had happened to me didn’t seem to hurt anymore I can’t seem to feel anything. My eyes gently close over and I see a blast of bright light.
“Time to get up Georgia come on rise and shine”
I hear a gentle voice whisper as I regain my conciseness. Why am I here, was it a dream, it must have been. I had another night terror but somehow it didn’t seem as scary or as dark as they usually are. I feel different today, lighter somehow like I can breathe for once.
Today feels unlike any other day I’ve been here. I rise to my feet and go to the bathing room and begin to scrub my skin rapidly like any other day. I let out an ear piercing scream, what’s that pain I’m feeling? Nothing seems to make sense today it’s like all the dark has gone and took the pain with it. I wonder… in my dream I killed my father he was the darkest figure I had ever had in my life so when I killed him all the darkness must of gone which is why the dream felt so real especially when I was crying that must have been the exact moment all the trauma was released from my body. I got dressed as quick as I could and headed back to my room
“Georgia…Georgia…You have a visitor”
The nurse said softly, what a visitor for me all the time I have been here and I haven’t had one visitor it seems strange that today of all days I get my first visitor
“It’s your mother”
I was in shock I just stood there speechless, what could my mother want and why would she visit me today of all days I have to find out more.

Chapter 4- The Poison Queen

That stench of cheap lavender perfume, it brings back so many memories of my mother, she had the most crimson hair you would of ever seen it would put a red rose to shame. Her skin was a pastel white which made her bright green eyes sparkle like emeralds. How could I forget that lipstick it was a deep blood red colour with never a smudge out of place. That was my mother you see faultless down to the last detail well nearly, you see she was faultless on the outside but her beauty hid a dark core that I could feel every time she would look at me.
That look of disappointment I could tell I was never the daughter she wanted even now as she’s sitting across the table from me I can see the dark behind her eyes trying to escape like a poison. Then I hear the voice I longed to hear for so long.

“It’s your dad… he’s died, I love you please come home”
I just looked at her with the same look of disappointment, and then I rose to my feet and walked away never wanting to look back at the face of the women who let this happen to me, she let my dad take advantage of me and abuse me she used to stand and watch as he would become possessed by the devil how could she love me, as I was walking away I could hear the desperation in her voice deepen all the poison what had been cast and laid on me I was now free of andit felt amazing I could feel the light blessing me with its presence welcoming me from the depths of dark despair I had eventually departed from.

I walked straight out of the meeting rooms and headed towards my room taking in every sight I could and every person I could everything now seems so beautiful and now finally what I have been working towards for months can now become a reality.
Every morning we would take 3 pills but I had only been taking two keeping one every day for months I had never planned to live forever I always had a plan but this was my wish I wanted light so much that once I got it I would kill myself peacefully by an overdose of the pills I was storing and that’s what I did. On October 29th 1907 I became the youngest person to have committed suicide in that hospital. I left behind this story written in my journal hoping someone would read it and give my mother everything she deserved. In the aftermath of my death I made people aware of abuse inside families and even now my story continues to shed light on those poor people and continues to give them hope. To all those people take the light and grab it and I wish you all a long and happy life

Chapter 5- Bliss

In the last moments before my blissful death I had opened my journal and wrote on the last page this statement;
I am now free I am now happy, Now I can go
We are on this planet for such a short time
But that time is filled with darkness
Darkness you have to overcome
And when we overcome it
And we see light
We should grab that light with both hands
And hold onto for eternity
Never letting go
Because when we do
Darkness will come back
I have been waiting for this moment for so long
The moment I can truly feel happy
And now I will have that moment forever
When you read my story do not remember the darkness
Think of the light I’m now resting with
I’m now free of the poison queen and my dad and all there darkness
And I’m now sleeping with light forever
I don’t call this heaven I call this… BLISS
To you all I wish you a long and blissfull life full of light