Alien Hotline

        I got an unusual call on Friday; it was from this guy claiming to be an alien.  The caller id from the call showed up as weird archaic symbols.  When I saw that I knew something was about to go down.  I picked up the phone and on the other end there he was, this mystery man. 
         “Hello,” I said.
         “Greetings,” spoke the monotone voice.
         “What can I do for you?”
         “The question is not what you can do for me, it’s what I can do for you.”
         “Umm Okay.”
         “Have you noticed any out of the ordinary feelings recently?”
         “If I have then why would it concern you dude?”
“Because dude, your vernacular, these stirrings were merely the result of us attempting to make contact with you.”
“Well clearly you guys know how to use a telephone so why all the effort?”
“We view the cellular link as a more… direct way of corresponding.”
“Well it freaked me the f*** out man don’t do it again.”
“My apologies dude.  The reason we seek you out is because you pose a special interest to us.”
“What, like politics?”
“No dude, this runs much deeper than your politics. In some time to come you will emerge as a beacon of hope for the human race.”
“Dude seriously?”
“Dude, I speak seriously.”
“Let’s get straight here, why have I been feeling weird recently, why did you call me and why the f*** do you keep calling me dude.”
“Answers will surface in due time my friend and when the time is right you will know all that you need to.”
“Who says when the time is right and who decides what I know and don’t know?”
“These are questions that are irrelevant.  Just know that you will play a role in one of the most impactful events regarding humanity in all of history.”
“I hope you’re not talking about this 2012 bulls***.”
“Where you see bulls*** we see processed nutrients and powerful enzymes waiting to be used for recomposition.”          
“Bulls*** or not you need to start talking straight with me. Why did you contact me?”
“You are special.  You possess something others struggle to grasp, can barely comprehend.  Complex processes, advanced lines of thinking come naturally to you.  When the time comes you will play a pivotal role in the global revolution of planet earth.”
“Reva-shut-the-f***-up man your full of s***.”
“S*** no, nanomolecular structures yes.”
“So what’s this uprising of the people about anyway?”
“In the prophecies it’s written that the chosen one will rise from the mundane to lead the people of the green planet to an age of existential enlightment.”
(Hangs up phone)