Maternal Dysfunction

I was only seven years old I needed you to protect me.

I was only twelve years old and you were supposed to care for me.

I wonder what you were thinking?

Leavng me behind.

I didn't deserve this crap.

Always questioning and wondering why.



I was about to launch into my school years

Years free of care.

You missed all of them and left me to struggle there

I was about to begin the last year of school

I have done that but did it alone.

You copped out on me, without goodbye you were gone.



You were so high you never bothered

To help me when I cried

You spent your hours looking up docs

Chasing drugs and leaving with men

I don't hate you any more

I don't even care!



You should have protected me

They shouldn't have touched me there

You didn't even notice my innocence was stolen

They kept me and your precious plans were spared.

I am through with anger now

I am no longer trying to make it fair.



You were the mother.

Or at least you were supposed to be.

We felt alone for different reasons

But you were common ground you see.

The role of the mother abandoning us

Now we've struggled and gotten free.



No chemicals can numb the pain

No memory is sweet enough to replace

My longing and my aching

For your voice, your touch your, your face

You are forgiven for all your sins

For the raging pain you cut into me



I am going to make it now

God willing my kids will never see

Never hear, never feel

The twisting of such agony and pain

I will not follow your instinct to hide

Run away in a cowards shame



I will hold their hands at the school bus

Watch them cross the brightly lit stage

Teach them of boys, first kisses and inescapable heartaches

I will be there for them each evening

To kiss away their pain and dry their eyes

I will be the parent and follow a different path with my life.