Unexpected Visitors

Unexpected Visitors.

In a world of fast cars, internet and instant messaging, humans tend to leave their inner most thoughts and emotions somewhere deep down, in a dark corner. We’re so busy catching up with everything and everyone else that most of the times we forget to look at ourselves and reflect. Reflect on the kind of people we’ve been and most importantly, how we feel. I know I suppress most of my emotions and memories. Is it because when we’re talking, no one’s listening? Or is it because we don’t find the right words to express ourselves with? I realized this when I met Julia, a 50 year old woman suffering from Alzheimer’s. She wasn’t diagnosed until two years ago, when her children realized she was forgetting too many things and people. Julia lives in an old age home where she gets special care and treatment for her condition.
You know what the funny thing about Alzheimer’s is? Even though your memory is completely wiped out, there are these days when suddenly, you remember everything and everyone and you feel like nothing changed. When I was visiting Julia, she was having a similar episode. As the sun was setting, the sky turned into a deep orange with a hint of pink. The sky was a similar color the night she had gone out for dinner with her husband, to celebrate their daughter’s wedding. The evening had been lovely and today, Julia seemed to remember everything, every minor detail- right from the dish she had ordered to the color of the paint on the walls. She recalled the ambience of the place, it was pleasant and relaxed. The couple was having a nice and quiet evening.

After they had finished their meal, Julia asked her husband to show her the way out. He was surprised when he heard her say “Dave, could you guide me to the way out? I seem to be quite lost.” Julia and Dave had been to this particular restaurant one too many times for her to be forgetting anything. Still, he ignored her as he did not want to break the flow of the evening. The couple was driving back home, and by now the sky was a deep blue with the stars twinkling clearly. The weather was still pleasant and the drive was smooth. As Dave was turning into the lane, he heard a screech coming from the other end. But by the time he could do anything, it was too late. The car lay there, toppled onto one side, the driver’s side of the car completely smashed. The air bags had probably minimized the injuries. The next thing Julia remembered was waking up in a hospital bed, her husband nowhere in sight. A few hours later the doctors broke the news to her, as calmly and emotionless as possible – “I’m sorry Mrs. Thomas, Dave is no more. He succumbed to his injuries.” The voice of the doctor still rang clearly in her head.
Dave had a peaceful funeral, with family and close friends. One year later, Julia was detected with Alzheimer’s. Her family comes to visit her often, but even though Julia’s mind never registers it, her body is accustomed to their visiting. What she really has no control over are the memories that come to life during these phases. Julia often remembers things she had buried deep within her a long time ago. Julia’s memories really are her most unexpected visitors.
Humans suppress too much. Most of our thoughts and feelings go unexpressed. Why is it so hard for us to say what we feel and let it all out? Why does everything have to be buried deep within and never allowed to touch the surface? Are we scared of letting our guard down, showing our weak sides, or just scared that someone’s going to take advantage? We have that ultimate power to forget and suppress. But it’s going to catch up with us some day and then we’re going to have to let it all out. So why not start soon? Why not start now? Because that one question, “When is it really the right time?” that’s always going to be a mystery.