Dear Diary, Get Me Out of Here- Pt. I

En el nombre de las viejas formas,

que te den por culo.

- Vito Borrego, the famed poet

         The Song that Braga Sang is ringing all around as 212 undergraduates sing the song, with an additional 49 playing a role in the orchestral production. Young men, all of them, in full ensemble, singing the naval anthem that is more annoying than Justin Bieber. Everyone agrees with me on that part, even the teachers. The lyrics suck. Do you want proof? Here ya go:



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Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba

Tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba tuba shit



         Yeah. Even poor old Mahoney over here can't stand it, and he makes up the most retarded stuff since Fanboy and Chum Chum. The anthem probably counts as an indirect form of killing the Jews [friendly fire].



         With that all said and done, we now move on to the actual graduation ceremony. The Rector, retired Commodore John Dunrossil (MBE), comes up to the podium at the stage that stands in the centre of the Williams-Armitage-Hanson-Galván-van Holstein-Modhafugga-Bish Hall, and prepares to give his speech. At the rate it's taking him to find his speech papers, I'd rather be back at my mum's flat, watching pliems [infomercials] on the tube. I think Valdés is starting to fall asleep, and he has serious insomnia.



         Sir Dunrossil finally finds his papers, and begins his speech.



         Good morning, students. This here is a graduation ceremony for all of the valiant young men and women that have decided to join the country's Navy and give the Tories a reason to parade their nationalism, just like the Vespas [Americans]. And, that concludes our graduation ceremony. After that, we leave the Williams-Armitage-Hanson-Galván-van Holstein-Modhafugga-Bish Hall (often just called Modhafugga-Bish because it's shorter).



         When I was a pupil here at the Shingakko [Pacifican Naval Academy], I had three good dostas [friends] from various places: Perry White, a huck [Western-province working-class man] from a small town in Templeton-George Province who's not as insane as the rest of them; Nakada Chihaya, a nip [Japanese person] with a big heart and an appetite about that size; and the lovely Alex Knaggs, another one from Rutherford Heights [a suburb of Bikini Bottom] who's as intelligent as she is attractive, if not more. Oi, we had some lovely times together, the four of us. But, it had to come to an end; White's being shipped off to Hazon in West Stanley Province (not a great place to be, but I'm sure he'll do fine) and Chihaya's being shipped off overseas to someplace in Korea. Donghae, I believe, the site of the Republic of Korea's First Fleet, which in turn has some blokes and bints (women) from the Motherland.



         No small matter, though; it's amazing how the grasyn [Internet] works nowadays. I still remember the days of Web 1.0. And 4chan, of all things. Oh, and Knaggs is going with me to Kyildroihith, a major Naval base in the kwige (Western province) of O'Malley Down. It does have a nice little seaside town next to it, but we're two brags [Bikini Bottomians] going to a kwige. Who knows what the natives might think.



         --A WORK IN PROGRESS--