Questions of an Undying Heart

I stand here waiting for the silent answer,
To a question that was unheard.
I want for the words you wait to say, I wait for the words I want to hear.
I lose focus in the here and now, only to be caught up in future events.
How can life be so cruel, yet so magnificently sweet?

There are no words to describe, yet plenty to contemplate
I sit here, waiting for the inevitable and resounding NO,
Meanwhile desperately hoping for the all encasing YES
Not able to think, nor act upon my will
I sit here waiting for Your immeasurable wisdom

I gave it all away to You, in a hope that all would be answered
Instead I find myself worse off than before, but swelling in the pleasure of it
Caught between two worlds of neither right nor wrong,
I ponder what must be going on
How could this be happening to me?
When all I wanted was freedom from the torment of the past

I know I’ve made my many mistakes
But part of me keeps wondering, Could this be one?
Nothing seems to matter anymore,
I just sit, stand, and sleep alone
Never have I felt so forsaken before
So left out, alone and down on the floor

This pain in my heart, I can hide it well
But for how long can this pain be kept secret?
Everything I do, seems to only make it worse
I ask for Your help, but none comes to aid me
I ask for Your guidance, yet I hear no answers
I ask for Your will, yet I feel no calling
Where can this take me, when I feel like I’m falling?