8.45 Heaven

Sterile, that was the only word fitting enough to describe the obscenely white lights in the operation room. Staring at them hurts, far more than looking at the sun; it felt more akin to looking at the light peeking through heaven's doors, or so my all patients tell me. And I wish this one would also.



The scalpel never felt so eerily heavy and the white wash color of the room never looked grimmer to me. Then again the patient that lay on the operation table had never been this close to me either. Her face was one that was carved into my very soul and into my very essence. Without looking away from the mare or pink and reddish mess that was the body anatomy, I knew, written on the clipboard less than 50cm away from me read, in rough scribble, 'Laura Jones, car crash', the same surname that was inscribed on my badge. With practiced precision, I pulled out yet another shard of glass, responsible for the hemorrhage of blood within her body, "Life essence," I corrected myself out loud as the count on the ECG lowered another notch. Despair and apprehension mounted up within me and more shards of red tinted crystals piled up in the tray. I began praying to the god I never prayed to no matter what the odds were, "Please God try, please don't let her die, please. I still need to say sorry to her."



Four white walls of the operation room seemed to fade away as I mechanically carried out the procedure and immersed myself in the world of memories. Then like an old movie, complete with sepia tones and distorted noise, I saw, myself, in my lab coat, shrilling at immeasurable decibels, "GET OUT, GET OUT NOW! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE OF YOUR EXCUSES, I GET IT, YOU DON'T WANT ME TO DISTURB YOUR LOVELY MARRIED LIFE! JUST GET OUT! FROM THIS MOMENT ONWARDS I'M NO LONGER YOUR SISTER AND YOU'RE NO LONGER MINE. SO JUST GET OUT OF HERE!" Tranquility of the hospital irreparably shattered by my yelling, Laura cast her eyes downwards, trying to contain her tears and very slowly trudged out of the hospital.



Then the scene skipped again, like a broken cd player, to moments before my frantic outburst. "Lila, I don't know how to say this but…Kane and I have been talking and we think that it's time you moved out, it's for your own good also, I mean you're a grown women and all, it's not going to help if you stayed with your sister for your whole life now would it? And Kane really can't stand the fact that you sometimes come home, smelling like antiseptic and blood, and well, I agree with him also…and your living habits…so um..if it's possible can you move out by this weekend?"



15 minutes later after my outburst, nurse Janet ran in, short on breath and deathly pale. "What's wrong?" I asked languidly. "A visitor got hit by a truck leaving from the unloading bay, she has massive blood loss, glass shards stuck in her system and 5 broken bones." "I'll take care of it, prepare the operation room." However Janet stood unmoving like a sculpture, already in a grim mood, I barked, "What? Get moving!" "Well…" Janet bit her lip and shuffled nervously, "There's one more thing that you need to know…" I glared, "What?" "The patient is Laura Jones, Dr. Jones." It was there and then, I knew how Ragnarok felt like.



Time seemed to drag on eternally, with crimson blood staining my hands and the annoying beeping of the ECG increasingly in multiples, way faster than I can get it back up into a steady zone. Color drained from my sister's face dramatically, the face of a vampire now greeted my sight, pale, white, exactly like the color of the room, of our clothes, of the light, of heaven.



And then a deafening beep resonated in the room. For god knows how long, the time in the operation stood still, and by the time I snapped back into reality, I felt Janet dabbing at the tears that leaked from the corner of her eyes with the operation towel.



"8.45 pm, Friday, patient : Laura Jones, death from massive blood loss," one of the male assistants recorded professionally.



At the word death, I broke down, sobbing hysterically, not caring if blood, my sister's blood, caked my face. I condemned it to go back into my sister's body, to bring her back to life. At that moment I knew , I would gladly give anything, anything to have her back. I would take back everything I have said, feigned ignorance to her words or even turn the world inside out if I knew this was going to happen. "I'm sorry...so so sorry…" I whimpered.



The operation lights faded into darkness, taking my only link to heaven and my sister with it.