Things I've Learned about Dating . . .

Things I’ve Learned about Dating since my Divorce . . .



*author’s note: This will make more sense and be more enjoyable if you have a shot of your favorite alcoholic beverage first.



1. Dating IS different than before you were married; mainly because you are much, much, much (did I mention ‘much’?) different than you were before you took your vows.

2. If a dating profile picture on the internet only shows the man smiling not showing his teeth, it means he does not have a good dental plan and more than likely no teeth. Yes, folks, that’s happened twice to me. I’m a slow learner. Actually, I just didn’t think karma could be that cruel.

3. Grown men never ever have condoms with them. I’m not sure if they just think after the age of forty they are never going to get lucky again or they figure death by venereal disease is better than some things they face, like prostate cancer. Or there is the possibility, and I’m leaning more toward this one, they just don’t think. (I’m not bashing you, gentlemen. I like you ; I really do. – But honestly, you will wrap the gator, because I’m not going to be sorry later.)

4. This may just be my son so I don’t want to generalize, but it is okay if his father dates half of the country, but if a man looks twice at me he is appalled. I like to think he’s protecting me from whatever I may need protecting from, but it could be he’s just trying not to laugh at the thought that someone is interested in his mom.

5. Your list of priorities of someone you date changes – it’s not that you are more or less selective, just entirely different. Let me give you some examples.

Before I was married: Must have pretty teeth.

After divorce: Must have his front teeth.

Before I was married: Must have ambition.

After divorce: Must not live with his parents.

Before I was married: Must like kids.

After divorce: Must not be behind on child support.

Before I was married: Must make me one of his 1st two priorities.

After divorce: I’m good with just being in the top ten; otherwise they might need you too much.

In retrospect, that list makes me look like I have lowered my standards, but actually that’s not it at all. In fact, I think in reality they are higher, just on things that have deeper meaning.

6. You don’t put up with as much. Now, this is not to say I’m not nice or forgiving, so don’t judge me yet. I don’t know if it’s because we have less time, we realize being alone isn’t a disease, or because we understand at times there has to be a limit. I feel confident saying that the crap we put up with in dating in our previous life would hardly EVER be tolerated now. Maybe that’s good, maybe not – but at least in my case, it’s a truth.

7. Is this making me seem bitter? Because I swear I’m not. I’m happy, and I’m even happy dating.

Men seem more interested in my life and activities. Well, let me qualify that – they ask the right questions, but I’m still not convinced they listen. But to be honest, sometimes when they are talking about their bowling league I zone out too.



I think I’ll stop the list here for right now. I’m sure I’ll add more later, but for some reason I have the urge to take a shot or two.



Peace out!

Audra