The Method Actress

I am always in a state of emergency.
There are alarms in my head both real and perceived.
I have spent my years trying to defend myself from those closest to me.
I have learned to become self reliant.

To fake that perfect smile and to act just so.
In this way I could move among the pretty ones.
I grew up with a family who valued beauty as much as education.
I learned how to primp and posture as to please their senses.
Like an actress who has mastered the method approach.
My life has been an exercise in role playing.
I have manipulated the act as to adjust to my audiences.

I have been the girl next door and the one you bring home to mom.
The captain of the ship and the calm in the storm.
The determined pedagogue who inspires her children of a lesser god.
The dutiful daughter and the prostituted wife.
The single parent who protected her cub.
The life of the party and the cloistered nun who avoided the world.
Time has separated me from the need to act; although I still find myself falling into old habits.

The hardest act is to follow.
The one I choose for myself may be the most difficult to play.
As of late I have been dancing among the philosophers and fools.
I have yet to find the perfect script.
The role of my lifetime is yet to be played out.