The Brass Bed

The Brass Bed
By: Josh Gracin


The sun was setting outside the dimly lit room, and only a single lamp illuminated the room. Dark shadows lurked in every corner, and the light seemed to cast only over the bed. They had come here tonight for a few last stolen moments alone together. Each knew this was the end, but neither wanted to speak of it. They tiptoed around it, both tense, both wanting to say so much, but afraid to do so. The room was gloomy; it matched both of their moods perfectly.

The past few weeks had been wonderful and tumultuous. They always came together like lightning and water, full of electricity and violence, crackling with heat and vibrancy. And when they got past the initial violence of their meeting, they found within each other a partner they could confide in, rely on and depend upon. But circumstances would never allow this relationship to become more than this – the occasional fleeting meeting. He had felt her needs shifting, growing into something more, even if she did not recognize it yet. Hundreds of miles separated them physically. Emotionally, they both belonged to another. This could never ever become more. He was here, tonight, to part from her. She knew that. He knew that.

He wanted to scare her, to make her not want him. He had hoped to make her hate him, so that she would not be sad. Anger, in his opinion, was always easier to handle and deal with than grief. So, he had pushed it. He had made her angry. He had tried to prove to her just how much of a bastard he was by being rough with her, but she responded in kind. She’d gotten angry as well, and their angers met, clashed, and meshed until they had found themselves locked in a passionate, hungry embrace.

He’d intended to come and say goodbye, but instead he found himself towering over her nude frame. The light from the single torchiere cast a warm soft glow over her pale skin. It enveloped her, bathed her in an ethereal light that he would always remember.
She arched into his hands as they moved along her large full breasts. She moaned as his fingers plied against her skin, tugging and pulling, twisting it roughly. She was dizzy and intoxicated with his power and her acquiescence. She loved how she seemed to melt at his touch.

Her hands slid upwards along his back, and her nails turned against his flesh. She dug in lightly, dragging them down the expanse of his back as his hips rode over hers. He thrust into her, over and over, until at long last, she cried out and shuddered beneath him. He spilled into her at the very same moment, their hips colliding with a thunderous meeting of flesh against flesh. He slid his hands into her hair and drug her lips to his and silenced her cries with his kiss. He plundered her lips with his, soaking in her taste, savoring her as he collapsed on top of her. His weight pressed her into the mattress, holding her in place. He breathed deeply and sighed heavily knowing what must come next.

As her breathing evened, he spoke in that hoarse whisper she knew so well, “You should have stopped me.”


The words left her lips in barely a whisper, achingly full of pain and longing. “I can’t,” she sighed, “You know that.”

He glanced up at the clock on the wall. “This can’t happen anymore. It’s not fair to either of us anymore.”

She whispered softly a song they’d always sung together as she curled into a ball on the bed, “So why don’t you stay with me. Share all your secrets tonight. We can make believe the morning sun never will rise. Come and lay your head on this big brass bed. And we’ll be alright as long as you stay with me.”

He turned and ran his fingers lightly over her face, tracing her jaw. His eyes filled with all the raw emotion he felt. This wasn’t easy for him. She knew that. He loved her, but he couldn’t say it. Not now. Not ever. To say it now would make the pain worse. It would shatter her heart further, and he did not want to risk that. “Baby there is just no use in hiding the way that I am feeling right now. With you standing there, baby, I swear, I can’t help but stare. Girl, you’re wearing me out, wearing me out.” He leaned down and kissed her softly, slowly. He lingered longer than he should have because he knew this was the last time he would hold her in his arms. Photographs and memories would be all he would have left of her once he walked from this apartment, and he wanted every last second he could get.

He had spent days agonizing over this decision. Time and distance always seemed to separate them, but emotion always drew them together. He remembered meeting her in that coffee shop, wet from the rain. She had thought she was anything but attractive, but all he could see was her beauty. It emanated from deep within her soul, but she never seemed to be able to see that. They’d picked up an easy friendship, talking on the phone frequently, and that soon evolved into much, much more. Eventually, they had met and shared more than a secret fantasy or two. He remembered how she had been so soft, so pliable, so shy the first time. He smiled wistfully.

She had arrived, a bundle of nerves, with her heart on her sleeve. He read her well, so well, in fact, he forgot to erect his wall. She saw through to who he was as well. And that disconcerted him. She would call him on several lies that night, and as they lay together after, talking, he confessed things to her he had never shared with anyone else before. She always saw through to his soul and from that evening on opened hers to him. He’d always known that they played a dangerous game with their hearts, but it wasn’t until recently that he realized just how close they had become, how it was time to part before everyone was hurt irrevocably.

A few weeks ago, he’d confessed a secret fantasy of his that he had wanted to make reality with her. It did not matter the particular details; what did matter was that it brought forth a time in her life she had thought was behind her. And for him, she was willing to face that. It was the realization of her trust and reliance on him that had him reconsidering their relationship. She was shifting her life around him, and he couldn’t offer her more than this. She deserved more than the occasional tryst and a long distance phone relationship. She deserved to have someone to lean on each and everyday, who was going to be there, see her through these things on a permanent basis. When he left today, he would return home to his life, his family. And she, too, would return to hers. He loved her too much to let her risk more for him.

She responded with her plea, arms outstretched as he pulled away, “Baby, stay with me. Share all your secrets tonight. We can make believe the morning sun never will rise. Come and lay your head on this big brass bed. We’ll be alright as long as you stay with me.” It was so tempting to stay. He so wanted to pretend dawn would never come. He longed to crawl back under the covers and lose himself in her arms, in her eyes, in her love. She loved him deeply, wholly, completely. He would always cherish that gift, for it was a gift she had given him freely. She would not understand his decision now, but someday she would. At least, he hoped so.

He shook his head and stood. He began to dress. With each piece of clothing he gathered and put on, another tear gathered and fell down her cheek. She watched as all six foot five of this man slowly disappeared from her sight. It was as each piece of clothing was another brick added to the wall he was erecting between them. Outside the clouds gathered, reflecting her mood – dark, grim and bleak. She pleaded again, eyes watery, from her knees on the floor at his feet, “Baby don’t go. It looks like it’s starting to rain. And it’s so warm here in this apartment wrapped up in this blanket, so stay.”

He gathered her in his arms, holding her, kissing her tears as they fell from her eyes. He rocked her in his arms, and then lifted her slowly. He carried her gingerly to the big brass bed where he gently laid her. He bent and kissed a stray lock of her hair for the very last time, then turned and walked out of the door.

She pushed herself up on her elbows, and through her tears, whispered softly to the echo of his retreating footsteps, “Stay with me. Share all your secrets tonight. We can make believe the morning sun never will rise. Come and lay your head on this big brass bed. And we’ll be alright as long as you stay with me. I’ll be alright as long as you stay with me….” She sobbed as she realized he was gone, and whispered one last time, “Stay with me.” before flinging herself into the pillows. There she sobbed, all of her anguish evident as her heart shattered into a thousand shards. He was gone. It was over.

She had known in her heart why he had come all this way to see her. The visit had been unexpected, and his communications with her had been short. She knew she should have tried to stop him from loving her this last time, but she was powerless. She desperately wanted to cling to a memory of him over her, his eyes glowing in the light full of his love for her. She knew he could never say those words to her. He’d pledged his heart to someone else, and he wanted desperately to honor that pledge. She had known the moment she had agreed weeks ago to work through her demons to make his fantasy reality that she had somehow crossed a line for them both. But knowing in her head never quite translated to her heart. Tonight, her heart cried out and spoke for her, not her logical, intelligent self. She had been greedy and wanted to hold him to her bare breast one last time as well. If she had been able to convince him to stay the night, things would have continued as they had been. She knew why he left, but her heart could not accept that. Not tonight. Not now.

He stood at the end of the long, straight and empty hallway. He leaned heavily against the wall as her sobs rolled down the hallway to his ears. His heart throbbed in his chest as the reality of what he had just done settled in his chest. Softly, he whispered to the empty hallway, “You’ll be alright. You have to be,” as he pushed himself from the wall and walked out into the lightless night.