a letter to grandma

You made me cry last night. I went closer to you to give you a hug, but you frowned at me and said my short is too short. I don't look good on it. You also noticed the way i tucked my hair at the back of my ear, you said i shouldn't. You said i'm skinny, i need to eat more. You forgot my name and you don't remember any Glaesan as your grand daughter. You said i shouldn't have come here to see you. I shed a few tears, i swear i tried holding them back. But seemingly, you were pushing me away. You groaned in pain, and i don't want to see you that way. So i ran.



I was trying to make myself believe, it was unintentional. You just said so because you don't want me seeing you in pain. Maybe you were punishing me for not visiting you lately.Maybe, within you wants to hug me and tell me stories i've never known. Like you always do. I do not want to hate you because you made me cry, i never will, i actually love you even more. I will be coming back tomorrow and i won't be in my shorts. And i will be coming back the day after that and the days after. I won't be growing tired. Because, i wish to see your bright smile when you see me even if i am meters away. I want to see your arms wide open reaching out for me. I want to be locked in your arms. I want you to cook me dinner. I want you to tell me, i look like mom when she was little. I want want you to tell me stories about life, love and friendship.



I remember you and i sitting late at night at your porch, you told me the tale about why the moon chases the stars, you even traced your finger on them. I asked quite a lot of questions,and you never got tired of answering them. I remember you telling me, i came from you. You got me all confused because mom said same things to me too. But you said, i came from your heart, you conceived me there and i'm growing there. Then i knew, you are my second mom, my all-time best friend, my sweetest fan. Once i used to wonder how your tea tastes like, so when you weren't around, i sneak to sip from your tea. I would have choked, it tastes awful. Then you were there, smiling behind me handling me chocolates and mint to clear my pallate. I wasn't annoyed or mad or any of the like because you didn't tell me i shouldn't try drinking it. I knew you were trying to feed my curiousity and you were teaching me a lesson. Once i fell from the mango tree at your back yard, you hurriedly came and scolded me. You called me stubborn little girl. You hit my palm twice or thrice. I didn't cry, i smiled and you were annoyed. You think i am hard-headed but Grammy i am not. I smiled because i see how much you love me, how much you care for me. I see protection whenever your palm hits mine. I see security. The next day, i went back to climb the same tree but you put a post there 'Glaesan dear, don't you disobey Grammy again, please do not climb this tree ever again.' I went back inside your house, i brought with me my art materials when i went out again. I took a paper and wrote in different colors, 'Grammy, i promise i won't. What about the other tree?' You told me stories about Grandpa, how great man he was. I didn't see him alive but you made his memory alive and i see how much you have loved him. But i wondered what exactly love is so i asked you, you said it's when i think of a person the first time i open my eyes in the morning. I asked you if you think of me and you said yes, every hour of the day. And i knew then you love me-endlessly. and i do just as much.



But you grew older and older. Each day i see you, your skin seemed saggy. You were getting weaker and it breaks my heart. It melts me to see you that way. You used to hold my hand protectively but lately, everytime you do, yours shakes. You don't reach your hand out for me too, like you used to do, i do it first. And i held it tight because i do not want to let it go.Yours and mine are meant to be forever intertwined. You used to sing me songs and tell me stories, now few words will make you feel weak. Few words and you're tired. You are no longer outside waiting for me too, you are there in your rooom, lying on your bed watching the trees dancing with the wind over your window. I do not see your smile when you see me, you just twitch your lips, faking it. And even those fake smiles give you the pain. If i could absorb all your pains, i would have.



I am filled with your memories. I am jaded. I hope tomorrow, you remember my face, my name, our memories. I hope we'd make another memory. I hope you'd show me love. But first, i hope you remember your name, who you are and who am i in your life. I hope alzheimers will leave your delicateness.



For now, i leave this letter beside your bed as you sleep tight and sound. I kiss you goodbye, i'll come back tomorrow. I love you today, tomorrow and forever. By the way Grammy, i am Glaesan, your grand daughter. I hope you remember me now, don't think im fooling you around. If you can't, find me within your heart because i am there lingering, waiting, growing.