For Edge, Edge's Poem.

This is a poem I wrote for my horse. No, he wasn't really my horse. I leased him all summer. This was my kid. This was my best friend. This horse took me everywhere, and did everything with me. This poem is for him, and anyone who understands it and likes it. If you don't like it, plain and simple, and no offense to you, it wasn't written for you. I'm not a poet. I'm not even really a writer. I'm a horseback rider. These are the best words I have to describe the times when I found out I lost him forever. It's horrible grammer, not written as well as it should be, and rather choppy, but it's written for a horse, so it doesn't matter to me. Anyway, isn't that what poetry is about? Writing that expresses emotion that doesn't follow the norm?? This doesn't follow the norm, and if you don't like that, I suggest you close this and click on something else.

I’ve Lost you forever.
You aren’t with me anymore.
She took you away.
That morning I went around my circles,
Going in loops
Figure eights of a sort,
Wondering why I wasn’t riding you.
Until they told me you were gone.
It’s hard to ride a horse and cry simultaneously.
I found that out that morning.
“I want this to be your horse,
“Edge is gone.
“He’s not coming home.
That’s what they told me
There wasn’t anything for me to say.
Anything but a trembling what.
When you hold your breathe,
The tears have to wait.
Because Every sigh was another tear
Another question to be asked.
Another what’s wrong.
Another “oh I’m sorry.
I don’t want your sorry’s.
I want everything to be like it was before.
Things shouldn’t have to be undone.
Good things end quickly.
The good die young.

Your owner came.
She came and took you far away.
Said “I’m taking my horse”
Clipped on your lead rope. 
Loaded you into her trailer.
And took you far away.
I didn’t know where you were.
I just knew you weren’t where I was.
I knew I’d never ride you again.
Never spend an afternoon trying to get the grey out of your paint markings.
Never foxhunt.
Never show.
Never jump.
Everything that we were doesn’t exist anymore.
It’s like I never existed.
Without you I had to find someone else.
I did find someone.
A black mare.
Mystic.
An amazing horse,
Great for anything you could ever hope to do.
But she’s not you.
It’d be hard to find anyone like you again.
That’s because they try not to make them like you.
Some people call you a mistake.
But then again,
I’m a mistake too.
That’s why we work.
Because when you find somebody,
Another one like you,
You stay with them.

I rode.
I tried hard to get you out of my mind.
I convinced myself you’d come back.
I was biding my time until you did.
Then my close friend told me.
You’re not coming back.
You’re for sale.
She took you far away, and put you up for sale.
She said she couldn’t keep you.
She had no time
She had no money.
And so I found out you were going to leave her too.
I missed the best time with you,
The time that could have made the difference,
Playing soccer.
I all but traded you.
To play soccer.
Because I didn’t know.
I regret that.
More than you’d ever believe.
I didn’t believe it until I saw the paper.
It felt too thin
Too delicate
To be telling me my love wasn’t coming back.
To be breaking my heart.
Ruining my plans.
Destroying me.
My hopes were scattered.
I have to watch this.
Every last moment of it.
It's the latest barn gossip you know.
I hear everything they have to say about it.
Who's looking.
Who's trialing.
I have to listen to all of this
When I know it should be me.
And only me.
Because you only find the right horse once.
This was mine.
You and I became Us
And Us prevailed farther than anyone thought possible.
They put a price on us.
Your selling price.
That’s not nearly what you are worth.
You’re more than that.
You should be.
But then again,
I’m the forgotten chapter.
Your owner doesn’t even know my name
Doesn’t acknowledge the girl who fixed her horse

It shouldn’t have been me on Mystic today.
It should have been me on Edge.
It’s horrid
Fate is the worst thing
That could Ever Happen to me.
I miss you.
I love you.
If it was only the price standing in my way,
I’d bring you back.
Any human,
I’d fight them.
If it was possible,
I’d find a way to get a cell phone
One big enough
With enough reception
To talk to God
And bring my horse back.
But it’s my parentals in my way,
My parentals
And a whole boatload of my sunken dreams.
There is no way to get you back.
So I have to say goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye
If I keep saying it, it prolongs the moments you’re still here.
Or it should.
It isn’t,
Because you aren’t here.
And my goodbyes are only going to the air.
I hope the air enjoys them.
Nobody else will get to see them.
It’s better this way,
I guess.
If I tell myself that,
It will become true.
Maybe I’ll be able to believe it.
Maybe I’ll be okay.
What I should do is march into that store,
Rip the ad of the wall
Call.
Tell her I leased him all summer.
I’m the girl who loved him.
Who took him everywhere.
Who had so much ambition for him.
The one who had a hair brained scheme to buy him
in the end
Tell her that I want him to come home.
That she can see him whenever.
All she has to do is call.
That I’d find a way to raise the money.
That I didn’t care what my parents had to say about it.
Nothing should be standing between me and my horse.
But it doesn’t work out that way.
What will happen is
I will cry my eyes out.
I will not tell anyone what I feel.
I will scheme
And plan
And ponder
About Anything that may bring my horse back.
But know it will never happen.
Be grown up
And see that sometimes you have to give up
Give up your dreams
And loves
And hopes
And securities
As sacrifices for the comfort of others
And most of the time
They never know it’s happening.
The best times of my life were from the back of that horse.
With him gone,
I’m going to lose so much.
And I’m never going to be able to get it back.
To get him back.
He’s gone.
I’m sorry.
I have to surrender.
It’s no use saying see you later
Because I won’t.
Don’t forget me.
I can’t forget you.
I’m sorry.
Forgive me.
At last I say
Goodbye.
At last I cry to myself
Goodbye..
Maybe the wind will hear it
And carry my love to you.
Pray God, please hear me.
Bring him back.
It’s not real without him.
You understand my plea.
Whether you listen or not is up to you.
Edge.
I’m sorry.
Goodbye.