Torn

( - Monologue. Jane enters , sits down on her bed - )

Jane :
I never thought this would happen. Never during these 3 months, I would have dreamt that Paul would be like this. I thought he was my forever, my everything, my whole future. But I was wrong. So wrong that I actually hurt myself by believing that he could ever love me. I couldn't believe it when he took my hand into his, trembling, his eyes tearing up and told me :" I'm gay". I couldn't picture it . Paul , the one I was fallings in love with, was gay. He liked men. However the worst part of it all is that I can't be with him. He said he still loves me but not romantically. How can I stand by him , help him when I still love him ? When I gave up half of my social life to be with him? When I thought I could actually marry this guy? And before I started walking away after his plead of friendship , I looked into his light blue eyes and told him : " I want to be there. I really do. But you have to give me some time. I love you , but not in the same way you love me. It's just too hard Paul." And that was it. It's been three days but feels like an hour ago. I remember when we first met, his smile and the way he asked me out to dinner. Our first kiss on the way home. The way he hugged me and didn't want to let go. Even worse, the vivid image of our first night is stuck even more in my mind. I remember his words : " I love you, and I will never let you go" . My eyes full of tears with immense joy, I kissed him. And the next thing I knew, Paul's breath was all over me as we became one. These memories live with me each second that passes, but are useless. This time there are no apologies or excuses. That was it. He found out his true self , and while he starts living the way he wants to, I lay here alone, all torn.