Why?

I don’t understand....
By Monica Phippen, to all those who feel the same way......

When have I done anything to you?
When have I deprived you of your happiness?
I have done nothing, and neither have I deprived you of anything.
When have I killed your hopes and dreams?
When have I told your secrets that you trusted me with?
Never.
When, even now, have I betrayed you?
Or when have I trusted you, and become friends with you, to begin with?
Once, again, Never.
I have neither trusted, nor betrayed your lying soul,
nor the torturous words that escape your lips.
But I have never absolutely hated you either.
I love you.
I can’t help but want to kill you, for the wrong you have done me.
I can’t help these feelings bubbling in my mind,
crying out to me,
telling me that if I forget, I will be happy.
But, I can neither forget, nor forgive those demonic times
I can’t believe the thing you have finally told me,
that you love me,
that you always have
that your taking responsibility
that you miss me
and that your sorry for being so cruel to me.
No, those thing I will not believe.
I don’t want to believe them either.
But, do I?
Do I want to believe?
NO...
but, maybe, maybe if I did believe, then..
then maybe it’d be alright.
It’d all be alright.
But that isn’t so.
I loved you, but you hated me.
I asked for you, but you left me in darkness,
and in torment...
But why?
Why do you do these thing to me?
Leave me, and then rip my heart in two when coming back.
I want to believe...
But I can’t
You’ve proven to me that nothing good comes from that black hole,
that some call a heart.
And that the hole in your chest is filled with
agony,
grief,
pain,
and heartache.
I will not come back to your life, for I am light,
and you are darkness.
I am happy, and well,
while you are unsatisfied with life.
No, no, you do not deserve me after the wrong you have done.
The reasons why you have asked me to come back,
why you have desired me to come to your aid,
is unknown to me.
But I shall not find out.
No.
You are nothing to me,
but why then do you make me feel?
Why do you rip my heart in two, if I couldn’t care less for you?
WHY?