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I just can't get him out of my mind. |
| I feel like today is the day where I cant keep him off my mind. I don't know why now. There are times that he is the last thing on my mind, but lately it is just terrible. I started the calls again, I call and hang up(anonymously ofcourse). Why? I mean, I hate him, but I love him more. It turns my stomach to think that he is definitely with a woman. What kills me is the fact that before we even got involved, he knew I had a boyfriend. he calls me not to long ago and asks me when will we see each other again. I tell him to stop playing with me and to be serious about what he is doing, he tells me, but you have a boyfriend. Was that his way if telling me that, he wanted something more, but because of my unfaithfulness, it could have never been? I don't know. All I know is that he was the one. He was the one I wanted and still do. He was the one that made me go through all these crazy emotions that I am still enduring. he was the one that made me move out of my home away from my boyfriend because I thought Frankie was serious about us...What a joke! I'm mad at myself for allowing this to happen, or maybe I am grateful that it did; the only thing is that the pain is real, and I am the one feeling it. I am an emotional roller coaster regardless, but this "frankie thing" makes it more intense. Yes, we did have sex, and it was awesome. He was the perfect fit. But, it was the kiss that sealed the kiss. His smile, his eyes smiled. And he was Italian... Oh my God, how I love Italians. He has beautiful blue/green eyes. The way he speaks, it drives me insane. I sometimes wonder if I am lusting or loving him, either way it is a real emotion within me, and they are both from the "want" category. I called him earlier today and heard his voice- what a surge of emotions I felt. I want to kiss him again. I can hold off on the sex, it is the kiss that I want; that and the kiss below, if you know what I mean. he penetrated me with his lips- that is all he used- his lips. His lips, and his smile. And him feeding me on his bed and kissing my hand and touching my hair-- but the kiss was it! I know I will survive this. I always do. But with Frankie it is different. He is what I want in a man, his features anyway. Im sure hes a great guy to certain people, but to me he will always be that dog I feel in love with. |
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