Conflicting Heart

Dear Heart

My heart breaks so softly as the rain falls outside with a gentle beat I am far to use to, though it has been many years since it has been the one to lull me to sleep at night it is here again like an old friend that is really the enemy you never want to see again.

So sweet the embrace but cold intentions lace the tender hug as the smiling face comes ever so close for that final kiss to take me to that dark abyss once again. The light fading into nothingness off to strive for a better place while I am left to seek out another way to survive, but how am I to survive without my heart?

My skin runs cold as the light slowly recedes taking with it my warmth and love. I think it is time for me to sleep for a while and allow another side to take my place until my light returns to protect me from that darkness. The new me however shall be dark yet protected in a way from the darkness since he will be made from the very essence that is taking to take me over. I do not fear this darkness this time because it is just a means to an end of my unhappiness.

I stand before this dark sea defiant in the face of this emptiness that is awaiting me with open arms, and I walk toward this place freely knowing it will change me and not necessarily for the better, but change me for a necessity that must take place for me to survive this time.
Cry not for the person I once was, but rejoice for the person I might be when I return.

Dear Heart,

I know you ache with the pain of losing a bit of the one you love, yet you cannot allow that to keep you from attaining the goals you have set forth. I know you love her more than life itself, but it is that love that has seemingly pushed her away from you causing you to hurt her and her family not to mention your own and do something you didn’t want to do…break her heart. Heart, you stand on the precipice of darkness, but you must contain it for the sake of the one you love. The future you may have seen and it will be a long road there, but there is no guarantee that you will make it there now the actions you take will determine that outcome.

I know you love her hopelessly, but she needs this time to find the person that she does not realize she already is and to realize that she is exactly what you want, need, and have been looking for. You and I both know that she loves you, but you reckless actions have caused her to rethink your life together. I know this time is rough on you for more than one reason, but you must stay strong for the both of you and take care of what you need to get done so you can show her you can take care of yourself and that she need not worry about anything but doing what she needs to do. The road we face is long and hard, but don’t give up the fight for her because you and I both know that the two of your belong together.

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