Dear Me, Part Four

Dear Self,

Growth. You should learn from this. That's all that matters.

He is your husband, you left, he cheated, you came back. Why is it that you do that? Rejection makes you want to run into the arms of the one who is rejecting you. No matter who that is. I can't believe that we are back here, with hope in our hearts but dread in our steps.

You want to be in love with the person you are married to. You aren't. That hasn't been dealt with, it's been ignored. Actively ignored. Purposefully ignored. You are longing for something different, wishing that you had the strength to be on your own. But so far, you haven't found the capabilities of doing that. Having support is nice, it makes things easy, but you need to do it. Be there for yourself for once instead of relying on others.

You are done with your husband. You need to just make a decision and deal with it. Deal with the cost. Deal with the pain. Give yourself time to heal these wounds--find the strength to get past the pressure. And beyond anything else, don't let anyone make the decision for you.

Love,

Me