I Wish I Never Knew

I wish I never knew the pain one feels
when they plan their lives out
subscribing to a mailing list of popular dreams
only to ask and ask and ask
and ask (due to high volumes we might not reply)
creating lies about what you are about
what are you up to?
I freelance
except there's nothing "free" about the lance
lancing in my pajamas is not freedom
I'd rather spend a workday in an actual office
with people
no, creating a "persona" is not freedom
I'd rather draw smiley faces on my post it notes
wasting "the man's" money
okay, maybe not wasting it
but at least using my brain
at least coming back home from a long day
sitting opposite someone in the train
avoiding eye contact
my dream promised something else
a life full of joy, laughter, friends, family, love
instead I got the former (long day, take the train)
then I lost that