The Cooper Chronicles - Episode 1

Hello there.

Alas, another stupid dose of incomprehensible art-form.

I have many points on my list that I yearn to ventilate into your empty minds, so… yes, they are many. And there are indeed lots of kinds of stuff I won’t tell you about, so there’ll be gaps in my story, so you can go nuts and google pieces of junk information. Hey guys, good luck in crunching and analyzing and reviewing and all the other things you do to a paper before you crumple it up and wipe your asses with it. This is online, though, so you’ll have to print it out first if you wanna do that. Anyway, what’s toilet paper for? Motherfuckers.

So, let’s start by saying that my name, my actual name, is among those things I won’t tell you. You can call me Rosie if you want. Yes, I may be a 24-year-old woman, a blonde drug addict who desperately needs inspiration. Why not? You can imagine me the way you want, it’s you reading the story.

See, I don’t wanna give much information in case I’m addressing a wrong audience. You know, say, I may be a heavy smoker, so then - what if I’m talking to a bunch of smokophobes. Bad thing for me, eh? I would lose all sympathy on that one. Or let’s say I’m a homosexual. And you’re homophobes. Or I’m bisexual. And you’re biphobes… or whatever it should be (I know I didn’t get the first one right either). Or I like to play Boggle, which might be a bad thing for me if you’re a… you know… bogglephobe? Ideally, I’m searching for me-philes to read my story. But, as nobody likes me, there are no me-philes on the planet. Only me-phobes. People who fear me and despise me. Enough of this.

So… yeah. My story… I wanted to tell you about it. It’s pathetic, so get ready for it. It is indeed very sad for me, but you don’t give a flying toss about me, if I’m un-fucking-able to introduce myself properly. You don’t care about how I feel and that’s okay.

So. My story takes place at a certain range of actual places and happens throughout a certain period of time. I wanted to say that shit ‘cause it’s fucking important. No, I really don’t know how to start...

I was born in US. Since I reached my fabulous 20, I’ve been oscillating between US and Czech Republic (Central Europe). That’s one of my smaller problems. Gues you could call it… incontinence? You know - continents - incontinence?… No, you couldn’t. Forget it.

So yeah. It’s like a stretching line, my story. It’s like a stretching line that goes on and on and on and on and on and on and it never goes ‘off’ ‘cause I’m still living my life and every single second I change - or change my mind, ‘cause that’s just me - so there’s always something to talk about, right?

Okay. Let’s start with something… I’ve been having suicidal thoughts lately. I mean, I ‘was’ suicidal lately - not quite dead, as you could have assumed, but, like, on the edge… not literally, I mean… quite close to taking a trip to the highest building around and then stepping over the edge and falling down and, you know, splash and all and blood everywhere and - finito! Savvy? That’s fucking creepy and I’m dealing with it.

I’m planning to tell you my whole story. I plan to tell you what happened to me that makes me wanna kill myself and how I feel about everything. It’s like I’ve gotta empty my brain of the swirly vortex of thought that I have in there before I quit. It’s like trash, really, and I wanna dump it. So… if you wanna know about my little story and about how fucking miserable I am - if you’re that kind of bastards, or indeed, if you feel the urge to help me get over my troubles, in that case you’re very kind - I plan to do a little series of posts here on this website… You can ask me questions or mock me and sneer at me and express your contempt - I shall be most interested to see what you think. Don’t think me an exhibitionist, please don’t. You can call me a loser. You can call me a genius. We’ll see. It all depends on the story I’m gonna tell you. The story I am about to tell you very soon.

I’ll continue in a next post, soon. You’re gonna get to know a freaking weird and weirdly freakish story.

Yours,

Monster

XXX

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NOTE: This letter is entirely a work of fiction.