Existentialism

Existentialism. 

A word that means absolutely nothing and everything at the same time.  It certainly didn’t mean a damn thing to me except for some abstract recollection of learning about something long ago in the austere setting of a high school in Oklahoma.  If by “austere” I mean the bare walls and cold metal chairs of the interior while the exterior is filled with the shrieking wails of a car alarm on daddy’s sports car contrasted against the mud splattered paint of the Ford truck next to it - but I digress.

So what the hell does that word have anything to do with reality.  Is it just something some long since dead individuals created to both obfuscate others while curing their own boredom while ensuring another new word is added to spelling competitions?  Does it have any really meaning other than an answer on an English test or something to put down in a really complicated game of Scrabble?

What we are as human beings has absolutely nothing to do with the words that come out of our mouths.  Most of us create illusions that we allow others to confront and react to which illustrates both our own insecurities and our inability to actually confront ourselves.  What we really are is what we continually do, but why do we do anything?

Our entire self seems to be related to our own ego and perceptions which, when you really start to think about it, amounts to a façade.  Perhaps we are afraid that if we really act upon what we truly are that others will not like what they witness or we would no longer like ourselves.  If we could actually confront the true self, or id, would we embrace it or continue to wear our mask.

Our creator (God) made us in His image and gave us free will in which He allows us to determine our own actions and therefore we must accept the consequences of those acts.  He set guidelines for our actions and He expects us to remain in the confinement of those margins; however, He also gave us the desires which compel us to exceed the parameters that He has set.  It is a real paradox that we must maintain certain standards while yearning to exceed those divine parameters.

Perhaps our sense of self is determined by our childhood when morality and the expectations of society are dictated to us by external elements.  Our parents, or lack thereof, definitely play a factor in this development along with our social networks and the mass media.  This becomes the base from which the adult develops and shapes their own preconceived notion of what they should display to others.

What we become would essentially be the actions we take based upon this foundation along with our expectations of the eventual outcome of those acts.  For example, in a nation founded upon the Judeo-Christian belief that taking another human life is wrong - it is still quite common to have feelings of hostility that culminate in the desire to take another human life.  Whether we act upon this desire would rest entirely on our moral foundation coupled with the expectation that doing so would result in unpleasant consequences to ourselves.

Do we not commit the act which we desire because it is immoral or simply because we do not wish to receive the inevitable outcome?