My Only Regret

"I never want to hurt you"
yet your actions stab me like a sharpened knife and you seem to be unaware that I can feel inflicted pain.
The pain from these metaphorical wounds
from all the horrible choices you chose to choose.
I still stuck around for change.


"You deserve the world"
I may deserve it but I never got it and here I am,
with the perfect smile I once had
wiped clean off my face like apple sauce on a toddlers cheek.
The smile you once gave to me.


"I can’t ever lie to you"
Those words better left unspoken.
Just like everything else it was a lie
when you got caught you would cry
to make me feel guilty for being upset until I let those untruthful words pass by.
Pass like they were nothing, like it didn’t hurt at all.
And you’d smile with your conscience clean
this spiteful game a sick routine.


"I just didn’t know you loved me"
I reminded you every single chance I had.
In fact, I saved up to get you a promise ring
a promise of my love to you
I gave up so much to be with you.
You can’t say you didn’t know I cared.
I gave you sole commitment, and it might be safe to say that you were scared
but that’s no excuse
you slept around while I dealt with your verbal and emotional abuse,
trying so hard to make things better
for me
for us
but you couldn’t give me the one thing I needed: trust.


"I’m sorry"
The most over-used phrase throughout the year I knew you.
I wish I had the power to say that I was through with you
but I never could
so you continued like any liar would.


"I don’t want to talk about it ever again"
Well who cares what you want.
Of course you don’t want to talk about the mistakes you made
but who are you to say what we talk about when I’m the one who carries it with me every day.
Carries around the fact I spent a fraction of my life with a stranger,
repeating in my head ‘someday I will change her’
but I never could.
This mess just lies within thick air, misunderstood.


Im happy
I hope your body cringes with rage
as you see the smile on my face
and know for once that it is real.
I have rid my body of the pain your sole purpose of living was to make me feel.
These arms were never meant to hold you,
in fact our fingers never fit together,
and just know that the butterflies I get now are from being treated better.
It feels so different being treated right
with you out of mind and out of sight.
People very close to me can tell that I’m afraid,
afraid to let someone better take your place
but it’s so much easier than I thought, leaving you behind
as long as everything I went through is kept in the back of my mind
I’ll know I never want to go through that another time.
The feeling of knowing I loved you and you were all mine
is finally dead to me.
As dead as it can ever be.
And with this informal death of my past I’ll write to you my last goodbye.
Thank you for taking that year of my life.
You’re now nothing but a memory lost in a mind that wishes to forget;
You have earned the title: My Only Regret

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