His Favorite Song

    I had gone over that day, those very moments in my head so many times I felt like
I had already lived them, like they were already part of my past tucked away in the dark
and silent archives of my psyche. Its strange how different things are when imagined
thoughts become reality. Its almost like your brain forgets to add in the details, the smell of the crisp autumn air in the mountains and the way it makes the tiny hairs on your arms stand up straight when the sun retires for the night. I embraced the details my mind left out and took my long hair down from the tightly secured bun I had previously thought best for the occasion. I was ready then, I could feel it, I made my way up the familiar mountain path to the stadium parking lot.

    The place looked so different filled with excited tailgaters screaming and laughing
while awaiting the sounds of music to draw them in. I glanced up but my eyes were
quickly turned back by the commanding brightness from the lights above. My eyes then moved to a small area across the parking lot where musical instruments were being collected for the local school band . Squinting hard I could just barely see the shiny aluminum trim of the old drum set far across the parking lot and I let out a sigh of relief knowing it was still there.

    Walking slowly and cautiously through the crowds of people, I saw him, so close
in fact, that if I hadn’t heard his painfully infectious laugh I may have ran right into him;
ruining everything. He was the only reason I was there, he’d been planning this outing
with his buddies for months, loyal as he was to them he wouldn’t miss this for the world. It was the only way I could get him to see me. I felt the fluttering of butterflies inside me as I watched him, I despised love for having the nerve to present itself now, no different than the first time I lied eyes on him. I yearned to be the woman by his side, the one he was looking at with the moonlight in his eyes, the one he adored. I used to be her, I used to be happy, but that was over now and I had made a promise to myself not to dwell on what might have been , not tonight and not ever again.

    In the distance I could hear the short broken beats of instruments and someone
was saying “Check” into the microphone. The crowds slowly made their way closer to
the entrance of the stadium and the parking lot grew quieter and emptier every second. I forced myself to take my eyes off him and the woman he was looking at the way he used to look at me. The wind had let up leaving behind only the slightest chill for the still night to remember it by. The sky with its vast darkness seemed defeated by its rival moon, it was alive with swirling colors of grays and dark blues. Standing next to the drum and all the abandoned instruments I reached into my pocket for my phone and dialed his number.

    “Matthew?”
    “Mia? Is that you? I can barely hear you, Its loud.”
    I saw him plug his other ear with his finger and step slightly away from the crowd.
    “Matthew, I’m here, I need to talk to you, I just want to talk to you, please?”
    “Mia don’t do this! You need help! Why did you leave the hospital Mia?”
    “I’m not crazy Matthew, and I don’t belong in that place! I just need closure and
    you need to give that to me! You owe that to me! Please just come talk to me for a
    minute and I will leave you alone. I promise.”
   
      I could see him motioning everyone to go into the stadium without him, the parking lot was nearly empty now except for rows of lonely cars and the empty beer cans that littered the ground around them.
      I told Matthew where to find me and I could see him walking in my direction. I
slipped my hand into the small hole I had cut in the drum’s skin the previous day and
rested my hand on the cold metal inside. As he approached I could feel his presence all through my body, the smell of him was so comfortable and familiar. I took the deepest breath of him that my lungs would allow, then, staring into his eyes, I swiftly pulled the gun out of the drum, aimed, and pulled the trigger over and over until all the bullets were spent.
    The deafening resonance of gunshots echoed in my ears, it was so much louder
than it had been in my thoughts, Matthew fell to the ground with his hands over his chest and sheer surprise in his eyes. Even the blood that ran out of him was beautiful, deep crimson and smooth like velvet. I stayed for a moment and watched the light go out of his pale blue eyes, wondering if he had even noticed the light leaving mine the night he told me he didn’t love me anymore. I knew I couldn’t stay with him any longer, It was time to go and leave him behind. I stood up and grabbed the drum, it would forever be part of me. The wind had returned and gently caressed my skin as it stirred all around me, I could hear the band inside the stadium, they were playing his favorite song.