Love---what does it look like to you?

This was written for an online newsletter several years ago; although I wouldn't say that I feel the same way today, I had to appreciate the irony inherent in the first paragraph; to quote a couple of well-worn truisms, what goes around comes around, I guess, and the more things change, the more they stay the same!

Recently, I’ve been engaged in a spirited debate on one of the MBs that I frequent concerning the nature of love. My Mom and I even got into it the other day. What prompted it was the imminent return of the character of Brenda to GH, and the fact that so many people seem to feel that what Sonny and Carly have is not “real” love. Real love, according to these individuals, is much better exemplified by what Sonny shared with Brenda. Needless to say, I take issue with this statement, not simply because I am a fan of S&C, but also because of the fact that I feel the concept of love is too large and all-embracing to be limited in this manner.
Allow me to elaborate. The debate runs something as follows: Sonny loved Brenda so much that he was willing to give her up so as to ensure that she would not be endangered by his high-risk criminal activities. According to this, it then follows that he can’t love Carly as much, since he is willing to jeopardize her safety in order to have her with him. Of course, this argument can be turned on its head by saying that of course Sonny loves Carly more than he ever loved Brenda, because even though he was prepared to sacrifice their love so that Brenda would be safe, the fact of the matter is that he loves Carly so much that he can’t contemplate living without her; therefore, he has to be with her, come what may. To paraphrase the old Harry Nilsson song, he can’t live, if living is without her!
All of this begs the question, however, the question being, what is true love? Well, according to a fascinating book by Professor John Allen Lee entitled “Colours of love: an exploration of the ways of loving”, there are as many variants of true love as there individuals who fall in love, but the idea of romantic love itself can be broken down into six varying modes, which he refers to as “lovestyles”. No one lovestyle is innately superior to another, all colours of the rainbow of love being created equal, and people are capable of expressing more than one lovestyle at a time, although only one of the six will be dominant.
So, I thought it might be fun to have a look at what the different lovestyles are, and see which ones our favourite PC characters fall into. (I’ve also thrown in a couple of characters from some of the other soaps who I feel are especially illustrative of the particular lovestyle being described).

Erotic Love
Eros is Greek meaning "love". This is the most romantic and lyrical of the lovestyles, and also the most physical. Erotic lovers may have an ideal image of a partner in mind and can be quite demanding in their specifications as to build, color of hair, voice, and so forth. Typically, love begins at first sight with a stranger, who evokes instant approval and excitement. Erotic lovers are open and sincere in expressing their feelings of attraction and seek physical rapport as quickly as possible. Erotic lovers consider love and romance to be life's most important activity, and every thought, word, and gesture expresses in infinite ways, their desire to be close to their beloved, and to be in love. Erotic lovers tend to live for love. A great example of this type of love would be DOOL’s Philip, who fell for Chloe after seeing her in the famous red prom dress, when she revealed herself to him as an ideal of feminine beauty and perfection. PC’s Ally and Ricky currently typify this particular lovestyle.
Manic Love
Mania is Greek meaning "to be mad".[In other words, “madly in love”!]. This is the most passionate and sensual sort of lovestyle, and also the most possessive. Manic lovers have a yearning for the intense feelings that are generated by secrecy, mystery, turmoil, and emotional vulnerability. Initial attraction begins with strongly mixed feelings and numerous misunderstandings. However, after things settle down in the relationship, comfort, security, and exclusivity can become the manic lover's greatest pleasures. The ability to share mutual resources with their beloved allows the manic lover to deepen the mutual emotions of love with a compatible partner. Sonny and Carly on GH perfectly illustrate the best and worst qualities of this lovestyle. On PC, Caleb and Livvie definitely fall into this category! These people are prepared to quite literally “die for love”.
Ludic Love
Ludus in Latin means "play" or "sport". As the name implies, this is the most playful lovestyle and the most flirtatious and seductive. To the ludic lover, the "chase" means everything. The ludic lover likes freedom to meet and flirt with a wide variety of people and does not like to get too involved with any one partner, except of course, his or her true lover, who is naturally cognizant of the game. In ludic love there are rules of gallantry and sporting conduct, as well as love's little deceits, all of which add pleasure to the playfulness of love. There are winners and there are losers in the game of love---you live and learn. To the ludic lover, love is the most grand and wonderful of life's games. Chris and Eve epitomize this lovestyle. Their playfulness and fun-loving approach to love was so irresistible that those of us who witnessed it could never understand how Eve could be drawn into the sticky, depressing morasses that were her relationships with Kevin and Ian (although even these didn’t start out with a lot of “sturm und drang”, but were quite enjoyable and light-hearted at the outset. I’ll blame the lousy conclusions on the men, of course!).
Pragmatic Love
This term comes from pragma, which is Greek for "deed". Here we have the realist who is more concerned about the results than the labors of love. Pragmatic love is the most sensible and devoted of the lovestyles, and the most ambitious. The pragmatic lover goes about the business of finding a compatible partner in a logical way, knowing exactly what he or she wants. The pragmatic lover chooses a partner according to job, education, or family background, preferring someone who is familiar. The pragmatic lover derives pleasure from the enhanced status and respectability that being with their partner brings. Good manners and social conviviality are top priorities. The private and expressive side of the pragmatic lover is sharply distinct from the restrained and controlled public persona, where business carries on as usual. Naturally, the pragmatic lover expects similar behavior from his or her partner. Frank and Kevin are good examples of this lovestyle.
Storgic Love
This term derives from the Greek word storge (pronounced store-gay) meaning "natural affection". This is the sort of love that grows out of friendship. It's the most affectionate, companionable, and entertaining form of love relationship. The storgic lover is highly individualistic and wishes to remain so. As a result, the storgic lover does not expect love to begin in a terribly exciting way. Rather than express direct feelings toward the potential partner, you prefer to talk about and do things you share as interests and enjoyment. For the storgic lover, it's a question of getting to know who his or her "best friend" will be. For the storgic lover, love is the pleasure of creating amusing activities together with your beloved. Simply put, the storgic lover's best partner is the one who is the most fun to be with. A lot of the characters on PC tend to ascribe to this lovestyle, among them, Karen, Jack and Lucy.
Agapic Love
Agape (pronounced a-gap-aye) is Greek for "charity and love". This is the most compassionate, altruistic and self-sacrificing lovestyle. The agapic lover feels that everyone is worthy of love and tends to approach love with a generosity of spirit and acceptance of a wide range of personality types. Love may begin with a partner who is at hand, who is familiar, and who is in need of being loved. The agapic lover enjoys the soothing and healing power of love-an unselfish love that can resolve any problem that might arise. The agapic lover devotes his or her love to meeting the partner's needs to be wanted and cared for. To the agapic lover, love is magical. Love transcends suffering and restores faded hope by bringing peace, desire, and vision for a better world. Ironically enough, the two most annoying do-gooders on PC serve as excellent illustrations of this lovestyle---Rafe and Ian. Just because something sounds great in theory, it doesn’t necessarily make it so in practice! Perhaps a better example of this type of lover would be Jamal, who is one of the most caring and unselfish characters on daytime.
Well, that’s my quick look at the lovestyles as they appear on some of the soaps. As has already been stated, none of these types of love is intrinsically better than any other, but it’s only natural to have a preference. I happen to favor the manic lovestyle which is summed up best in the poem “Never call it loving” by Elizabeth Barret Browning:
“Unless you can think, when the song is done
No other is soft in the rhythm;
Unless you can feel, when left by One,
That all men else go with him;
Unless you can know, when unpraised by his breath,
That your beauty itself wants proving;
Unless you can swear ‘For life, for death!’ -
Oh, fear to call it loving!

Unless you can muse in a crowd all day
On the absent face that fixed you;
Unless you can love, as the angels may,
With the breadth of heaven betwixt you;
Unless you can dream that his faith is fast,
Through behoving and unbehoving;
Unless you can die when the dream is past -
Oh, never call it loving!”