Birth Rite (A Shattered Dream)

I have no family, moreover I have a cess-pool of people in my life who attempt to co-exist. I'd like to believe, that my parents were both happy and in love once. I'd like to believe this, but after my birth it appeared that this had never been the case. Their fighting and personality flaws caused the collapse by the time I was six. I had no idea what was going on in the world around me, and I had no idea how it would brand me as nothing more than a bad idea. My sister on the other hand, four years my senior, was fully aware of what was going on, and she had already began internalizing all of the hatred in our family. It would take me along time to realize all of this, and even longer for me to know what exactly had happened. Even to this day my knowledge of my early life is vague, and no side is without strong bias. The following is what I do know.

  My parents moved to the house on Norway street long before I was even a thought in their heads. Back then they had the issue of dealing with a daughter possibly too smart for her own good. I'm not sure what they used to do for a living exactly, but it was enough to afford a quaint little rambler on a nice street. Apparently something was unsatisfactory with this arrangement, something that wasn't quite enough for my parents. So began the plans, another child would be perfect, something to come along in this world and make this family whole, something to turn this house into a home. For the better part of two years there was only the question of whether or not they could afford it. When the moment was opprotune, they went and asked my sister a simple question. That was when the following conversation took place.

Mom: Jodee, do you want a little brother or sister?

Jodee: Of course I want a little sister!

  The words that would seal my fate were innocent enough, but it's clear they already had expectations for me. I was planned, as opposed to my sister who would forever be dubbed a 'surprise'. It didn't take long until the whole family became aware I was coming into the world. Not long after my mother received her due date, the plan was set for a baby shower, a splendid occasion in almost any family. Seven out of eight of my father's siblings were in attendance, along with his mother. My mother's family would also be in attendance, with the absence of her brother Duane. There was also my mother's aunt Cheryl and her family, and of course my mother's friends from work. The only thing to speak of was my sister's dissapointment to hear from two of my father's sisters that I would be a boy. This would normally be taken as an opinion, if Joanie wouldn't have had a perfect track record of guessing genders. Anne on the other hand had scoured the stars to divine my gender. Upon gaining the doctors knowledge of my gender it was a name game. Griffin was the winner, only shortly followed by Mathew. Though Mathew was my father's middle name, it was ousted by a mythical creature.

  It was a snowy day in January, some months after the harsh minnesota winter had driven the attendants of my baby shower from their lawns to their warmer homes. My mother, against better suggestion, was at the grocery store with my aunt Tracy when the moment arrived. Not wanting to alarm her mentally-handicapped half-sister, continued on as though nothing had happened, and quickly left the store. After the drive home she called my father, packed an over-night bag, and deposited my sister with Nana. At the hospital things went quite fluidly, my mother failed to dialate past three, which only went along with the original plan of a c-section.
  As the clock struck one I was taken out of my mother and declared my presence to the world with incredible silence and calm. It was in the first few moments that my parents betrayed their previous plans, and instead named me Nickolas. The calls were made and before anyone was ready, I was introduced to the loving arms of relatives, some of whom I would never remember existing. Oddly quiet, I was here in the world, and there was no turning back.