Love Is More Than a Smile

Defining the essence of the human animal is no easy task for either a male or a female. Identifying feelings they have for each other is even more elusive and ephemeral. By nature, they have insatiable and irresistible drives to eat, survive, and repopulate the species. To succeed in this latter goal, each member has an attraction that draws one to the other. What is it that brings them together in the first place? What keeps them together? Is it LOVE -- or something else? Some call it lust; others affectionately dub it love. Lust happens without effort; love takes more effort to develop. What do males and females want from each other to make love succeed?
The male is looking for sex; he mistakens the act of sex for the expression of love. The female is looking for romance, security, and commitment. Of course, there are some males who are also looking for romance, security, and commitment. But most of the time, they are still only seeking sex. For him, it is love of sex that drives him; for her, it is love of romance that keeps her together with her partner, or puts her on the road again. Can this translate into love for each other? Can he get over himself and give of himself to her? What is she willing to do to keep him? Does she know what it takes?
The female claims she is looking for someone with a sense of humor, one who can make her laugh. To her, laughter is the balm that soothes the aches of dealing with the throes of life. She enjoys this outlet with her female friends, often at the expense of male targets. To find a male who can laugh with her is a definite plus.
He doesn’t care whether she has a sense of humor or not. Just don’t laugh at his frailties and shortcomings. He still wants sex even with his shortcomings. He can laugh, too. Laughter, like crying, is an emotional outlet. Both can bring flowing tears and both are healthy responses. Levity helps relieve the stress of trying to find out what pleases the other, how to keep the other, and relax the body enough to concentrate on pleasure rather than pain.
Upon first sight, what does he do? He does not peruse her face very long. He sees the lips, the breasts, and the buttocks and ponders them at length. He still wants sex. He assumes the vagina is there for him, and its function has no more value than that of an envelope being stuffed with mundane brochures. He doesn’t have to look at it, and when he gets close enough to do so, his eyes are shut and his jumbled mind is obsessed with fly fishing and the wide-mouth bass that got away. He just has to know roughly where it is. And what it does for him. What happens between those walls is not as important to him as what happens for him between the sheets. Is this love or lust?
When she pursues her prey, she absorbs the whole picture from the nose to the toes, analyzing holistically what she considers to be a combination of strength, power, and attractiveness. She wants someone with whom she can be seen as the privileged one to have such a hunk. She wants to be admired for her treasure and envied for her good fortune. She wants to be associated with his bigness by those who are not so blessed to be sexually beset upon by such a gargantuan Mr. Big. She wants to be associated with what she thinks he represents to others. She wants to enjoy the idea of being protected by his manliness and pleasured by his manhood.
What does she want from him physically? Sometimes she wants to be nurtured, teased, and enticed into submission. She wants to feel the tantalizing path up the slope of Mount Givitumi and the breath-taking eruption of chills and spills, rushes and gushes that leave her spent. She wants clitoral excitation from pin-point accuracy urging him to cling to that neural center until she explodes with thigh-slamming thunderous muscular spasms. He has no clue with his routine hump ‘n dump philosophy expounded through his cram, slam, bam attitude. She wants to scream, ”Yes,” and she wants him to hear her reach that orgasmic point. It would be nice if he were there. If this were love, he would be.
The male wants to appear younger, more macho, more virile, more lasting. To that vigor, he adds Viagra. He is too busy building his frame or his name to add to his ever-crumbling stature. He wants to appear to be the protector, the staunch and fearless force always ready in time of need. It seems he is always ready to be available in time of need – except when she suggests that she has a time of need. Then, to him, that need becomes merely a want and he exits the scene. But he still wants her to remember who wields the scepter of his kingdom. He knows what she can do to keep his interest alive and who really holds the scepter. He wants her to provide for his needs with her hips and her lips. Reciprocation is not always in the equation. He just wants that momentary burst of excitation that lasts for seconds – maybe four seconds, if exaggeration is not considered. Is this love or is it control? She gives him what he wants to keep what she needs with the hope that what she wants will be forthcoming.
The female wants to feel more alluring, appear younger, get attached emotionally, and be secure in her future as an individual. She wants to be appreciated, accepted not as a comparative equal but as an individual who is equally important in her own right. She wants to be understood and she wants to be heard when she has something to say – or not. She wants to be considered intellectual enough to have her intelligence appreciated. She does not want to be a mere trophy to be paraded on display. She wants to be loved – not used.
But most of all, she wants to feel safe – safe with her strong protector by her side, strong in physique and strong of will. She wants to feel secure that each new wrinkle won’t be the path of least resistance for his inevitable escape. She wants to feel that every added pound won’t weigh so heavily upon him that his psyche refuses to bear the burden any longer. She wants the safe assurance that she can speak randomly without criticism and critically without repercussions. She wants to be confident that she is all that he wants -- that she has his fidelity, his interest, and his love. She wants the safety of security in her tenure. Are smiles and kisses enough, or does she have to perform on demand?
When males and females choose to stay together as a couple, how do they get what they want when they need it? What does he do to keep her in the relationship? He protects her, provides for both her needs and her wants, and interacts with her on personal, social, emotional, and intellectual levels. He gives her reasons to stay. What does she do for him? She smiles, satisfies his oral needs, kisses him gently, and lets him keep control of the remote. Is that love, or is it wily strategy?
Most men and women do not get what they want during their lifetime, and they spend that finite existence searching for the elusive state of total satisfaction. But they will continuously try no matter how long, or how often, it takes.