My Only Son

I recieved a devastating call early Friday morning on April 23rd, 2010. My oldest daughter called to tell me that her brother, my only son Jesse was dead. The police had told my ex husband who had relayed the message to her then she to me. I was in such deep shock and distress I could not even ask how he'd died at first. My blood pressure shot up to 183/110 immediately after hearing the tragic news.
After gaining some measure of composure I called my daughter back to see what had happened to Jesse. It was difficult to hear that he'd been shot by the police who had been called to help him.
I found out later that day that Jesse had been in contact with his dad who knew what was going on but did not think to tell me anything. Being left out of the loop when my son was having a meltdown has been a crippling factor to deal with. If I'd only had the chance to talk to him once more and maybe even help Jesse somehow but not even to be considered really hurt me mentally. I probed my ex husband for more info and found that Jesse had picked up his girlfriends cell phone when it rang while she was sleeping. He saw a text message from another man of a sexual nature, confronted him and then his girlfriend. They arqued then he asked her to leave. After she left he called to talk to his dad about the incident and had promised not to do anything foolish.
He had a friend come to be with him for a while but since Jesse seemed to be doing better they left around 10pm.
At 1am on Friday morning my only son was shot when the police responded to a call from his girlfriends best friend.
The Norman Okla.police were told that Jesse was intoxicated, suicidal and had a gun. The police are trained to fight fire with fire so when they arrived and he raised his gun pointing it at them he was shot several times, though he never fired a shot himself. The evidence showed that he'd stumbled into his condo from the patio where he'd been sitting when the police arrived. The report said that Jesse had died a short time after arriving at the Norman Regional hospital.
We had a private family viewing and Jesse's service on the following Wednesday in Owasso Okla. before he was taken to be cremated. I'm still stunned by the whole tragic incident and knowing I was not informed of my son's last battle with depression has been difficult. I have many questions that still need answers but I receive no satisfaction. For example, why can't the police find another way to handle these kinds of situations without the use of deadly force? Do they ever use any professionals for these suicide calls? I feel that my son may not have been able to pull the trigger and would possiby still be alive if the police had not been called. Only his family and friends knew how special Jesse was and that he had a very good heart.