Being Agnostic

People should stop asking me questions about why I am Agnostic. What they should ask me is why I am not an Atheist instead. Agnostic is someone who realizes that there is no way to know if a deity really exists or not. And an Atheist, simply put, doesn’t believe in the existence of any deity.

I grew up as a Catholic - attended Sunday Masses, took Communions, and attended other Catholic celebrations and obligations. I prayed everyday or every night like any other good Catholic people do. I was loving the moment of a customary life. So, what happened? Bad Catholic teachers or hypocrite people didn’t change me. Ironically, it was the book I got from St Paul’s Bookstore. Memory doesn’t serve me well since I don't remember the title of that book. However, I remember that the book tangles the subject whether it is okay to question God. It is a thin and an easy-read book. And it opened me to something edifying. I did what the book told me – I questioned his existence.

I am frequently asking my Catholic friends what made them think that a god is proven to exist. And their response to me usually involves feelings or something related to an illumination. Their face looks comforted that an idea of something they identify as real is looking after them day and night. I confess that living as an Agnostic person isn’t always that consoling. But I can’t help it. I can’t take comfort on things that are insubstantial for me. I try my best to reassure friends who seem to doubt on the Catholic ways. Ironically they ask me even they are aware of my stand in religion. I don’t try to make them join me in my team. My place is a grey area of uncertainty. I try to relive their moment when their illumination hit them thus bringing them back to their Catholic thinking. I may not experience the illumination, maybe even never, but it’s a good thing that some people did so. It gives them hope and something to look forward to.

The reason as to why I am not an Atheist is because I consider the 90% of people around the world that believe in something supernatural beyond their understanding. And the reason why I am an Agnostic is due to the undeniable fact of logic. How can anyone prove the existence of a deity in this pace? If the reason why religious people is much infatuated by the idea of something stronger exists is because of how they feel within themselves seems narrow for me. There are certain flaws when in comes to feelings. But I don’t consider that believing in the existence of deity is a glitch in the society’s way of thinking. I think that by nature, people don’t want to be alone. And no one can control such actions. People strive to be with someone. That is how we are wired.

I don’t feel bad if people are asking me why I am agnostic nor people condemning me that I’ll end up in hell. I find it funny actually. Don’t they know that I distrust the existence of hell, heaven or souls as well? Seriously, and with no pun intended, how can anyone know that these things exist where they so proclaim that they are experienced when they die? And please don’t let me start talking about “conversing with the dead” scheme.

Being agnostic is not a joke like some people think so nor a declaration of playing it safe. Agnosticism or Atheism is not the root of all evil either because of the fact that they don’t believe in afterlives or eternal damnations. I believe that whatever floats your bubbles is the best way to deal with your everyday life. Religious people think that they must do good since they don’t want to end up in hell and they want their deity’s acceptance. I live as an Agnostic person. And I know the difference between right and wrong. I haven’t killed anyone, did some occasional superficial mistakes, am not a self-deluded righteous person, and I don’t believe in vengeance. Religion is not a dictation of what a person is ought to be. But a person’s character is.