Flying Blind

Cuthbert Dingle’s 50th birthday had arrived and unbeknown to him his two friends and drinking partners Robert and Mike had arranged a surprise for him.

Cuthbert better known as Dangler had been brought to the small airfield near to his home by Robert. It had always been Danglers ambition to be an airline pilot before he unfortunately lost his sight a few years before. Now all he could see was shadows and blurred images.

With him he had Boozer his faithful dog and companion who had been his eyes and brain for the past five years.

"Why have you brought me here Robert and where is Mike? We're wasting valuable drinking time."

"He'll be along soon, he just had to make a stop on the way."


No sooner had he said this a taxi pulled up in the airfield’s car park.

"Hey, Robert gives us a hand." Mike shouted.

Robert looked over to see Mike unloading two beer barrels.

"Why have you got all that Mike?, We won't be up for more than two hours.'

"l know, " replied Mike, "that's why I only have two barrels"

A look of realization came over Danglers face.

"Ahh, so you are taking me up on a plane, will there be a topless stewardess with big breasts?"

"'Fraid not Dangler, just us and the pilot." Said Mike.

"And Boozer. Said Dangler.

"Yes, of course, him too." Laughed Mike.

Very soon the three friends were on board the 6 seater light aircraft. While the pilot was telling them about the safety rules, Mike was pouring his second pint. "Good stuff this, get stuck in lads, it's been donated by The Crown."

After nearly two hours flying, plenty of drinking and chat ranging from trains to buses and to putting the world right, the pilot's voice came over the tanoy.

"Good afternoon gentlemen, I hope you have enjoyed your flight. Very soon we will be making our decent. Please fasten your seat, aaaagh.."

"Wash up, hic," said Mike tipping the remaining dregs of the second beer barrel into his glass. "Are we there hic yet?"

"I'll go and see." Said Robert waking up from a sleep.

A minute later he returns. "It's-it's the pilot, he's had. had a heart attack. We are all going to die, start praying now"

Robert stumbled to his seat then fainted.

"Lucky we drank hic all the beer then."Said Mike.

Dangler sighed.

"Oh, what a great birthday this has turned out to be, the pilors dead, Mike's too pissed to even know where we are and Roberts fainted and we are going to crash if something’s not done soon."

Dangler felt his way out of his seat. "Come on Boozer, it's up to us to save the day."

"Woof" Said Boozer as he led Dangler to the cockpit.

Dangle felt his way around until he found the pilots seat.

"Right Boozer, we need to find the radio to get some help."

"Woof?"

"It's a round thing which may have curly wire attached to it."

"Woof" Said Boozer as he nudged the radio mic into Danglers lap.

"Thanks, now listen carefully."

"Woof"

"If we bank too much to the left bark once, and too much right bark twice and if we fly upside down howl."

"Wooff."

"So for left?"

"Woof."

"'Right?"

"Woof, Woof."

"Upside down?"

"Howwlllll!!!!!!!"

"Good boy, now let's get this tin can down."

Dangler fumbled around with the mic until he managed to switch it on.

"Hello, hello anyone there we are in a bit of a pickle here. The pilots collapsed and we are flying blind."

There was a lot of crackling then a voice was heard.

"OK, don't panic, we have you on radar, now look at the panel in front of you, what you see?"

"Nothing cuz as I said we are flying blind. I am blind." Dangler said a little annoyed.

"Shit."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing, now is anyone with you?" replied a te voice.

"Yes, Boozer my co-pilot."

"Good, can I speak to him?"

"Well you can but you won't understand him."

"Why is that?"

"Because he's my dog."

"Double shit."

"Oi! I may be blind but I'm not deaf."

"Sorry,It's just I've never talked a blind pilot down before" the opeater said, "now we have you on visual heading straight for us, you need to ease back on the throttle."

"Is that the big hard stick thing?"

"Yes I believe that would describe it."

"Found it"

"OK You have missed the runway but there’s little in your way but an outhouse, when you hear the wheels touch, engage the brakes then switch the engine off, that's a button to your right."

"Will do."

The plane rolled to and fro as it neared the ground.

"Woof, woof woof, woof woof, ho... Woof, woof."

In the back of the plane Robert was stirring." Have we landed? He asked rising drearily out of his seat as the wheels touched the ground with a bump. Robert fell backwards hitting his head on an empty beer barrel before stumbling back into his seat in an unconscious heap.

In the cockpit Dangler was franticly trying to find the brake at last he gave a cheer,
"Eureka I've found it."

A moment later there was an enormous crash as the aircraft ploughed into a hut. Fuselage crumbled and splinted as it came to a halt.

Dangler rose out of his seat. "Come on Boozer let's see how the other two are."
The other two were negotiating their way though the now ground level door to the plane.

Mike was the first to speak.

"Ah good they've landed near the loos. I'm bursting." He looked round before commenting. "But look at the place burst pipes and water spouting out everywhere; they could clean the place up a bit."

Very soon after the three friends and Boozer had made their way away from the airfield.

Robert looked back at the smashed up plane, “Look at that mess, don’t ever apply for a job as a pilot Dangler.”

Dangler turned towards him, “Well I landed it didn’t I, what more do you want? Well anyway it turned out to be a great birthday after all. I even got to fly a plane. Only thing missing was the air hostess with gigantic kno...."

"Are we gong for a drink?" Interrupted Mike.

"I don't know” replied Dangler, "What do you think Boozer? Which way is home?"

"Woof" Boozer replied

"Which way is the pub?"

"Woof woof."

"Which way are you taking us?"

"Woof woof." Boozer said excitedly.

"Well that settles it then" Dangler said.. "The Crown it is."

Boozer barked in excitement as he guided the three friends into the public bar of The Crown.



Small Print.
All characters are fictional and any resemblance to any person or animal living, dead, drunk, blind or canine is purely coincidental. The author will take no responsibility for any injuries occurring whilst reading these pages. The author advises that you do not attempt any of the activities depicted in the story