When You See It Differently

                                                                                                                                                          Part One

As the girl sat with her steaming cup of tea, the rain continued to pour outside. The lights in the kitchen were off and the lighting was dim. It was comforting in it's simplicity. The scent of Rayne's earl-grey vanilla tea floated upwards into the air and she recieved the smell with thankfulness that warmed her heart... everything was just right. She'd been sitting for a while, so she got up and walked to the living room. It was brighter and larger than the kitchen so it made a suitable place to curl up with a book.
Except she really didn't feel like reading at the moment, and watching television was just going to end in a wasted day. Perhaps exercise? Writing? She sighed and felt herself getting frustrated. As she stood in front of the television, she noticed her reflection.

"Argh... I just keep getting bigger," thought Rayne. "I must be losing muscle..." What was wrong with her? She'd already gone over the fact that she grew up fat and lost a lot of the weight. Still- it haunted her every single day. "Well, I guess the reflection off of a television screen isn't going to be correct." Instead she ended up looking at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She lifted her shirt to stare at her teenage stomach... Rayne tried to tell herself that she was growing; it will be okay. Regardless, she stood there for another five minutes, sucking it in, straightening her back, turning and feeling bad about herself. "I exercise, kickboxing, running... I should be fine!" Despite that, the numbers told her a different story. Her weight was normal for her height, but her waist was 28 and her hips were 33. Measurements that she had done before told her she was on the brink of being unhealthy... that her body wasn't healthy. "That is all I want...I just want to be healthy... what am I doing wrong?!"

Along with the exercise, she tracked her eating and didn't eat junkfood that much, especially compared to her skinnier friends. The foods had no added sugars (but she made exceptions for coffee and earl-grey lattes and even only once a day in small amounts) and she just tried her best.
"Why am I skinny-fat? I do it right!" This was too much for her to deal with now. Rayne had recovered from anorexia once, and she was not going to go there again. For awhile she was okay... recovering anorexics can eat a lot and gain nothing. Even after she was a healthy weight with her period, she immediately began healthy eating again. She was fine with the fat that coated her stomach during recovery but now... it was back to square one. Feeling fat, getting numbers that point to her being fat, and looking in every ruddy reflection she could find to make sure that she didn't look fat.
"I want to stop thinking about eating so badly... I'm sick of this being such a large part of my life."
Thanks to anorexia, she now knew the nutrition facts in just about anything. It doesn't matter if it was a banana or a cappuccino, her rough estimates were almost exact. See, one way that anorexics ignore hunger is researching nutrition facts... for long periods of time.
"Come on Rayne, just... read or something."
The thoughts go away after a while but they always return. She still has trouble eating supper with her family because of the fear of too many calories.
I will be happy... I am healthy! The desperate, yet true mantras gave her the ability to return to the state of calm she'd been in earlier.
"I am going to be content."
~~
The bell rung signalling the first class of the day. Rayne and her friends, who'd been chatting excitedly over last night's hockey game, said goodbye to one another and went to their classes. First class for Rayne was english which was upstairs in the school. She skipped stairs going up and made it to class on time. The english teacher walked in and began playing the movie that they'd been watching last class as part of film studies. Rayne was watching the screen intently when her teacher called her up.
"Rayne, can you come here please?"
"Sure," she said. She got up and quickly walked to his desk. "What's the problem?"
"You are a good writer, but you rarely hand any assignments in. It frustrates me because you are one of the advanced writers in the class. Until you get your stuff done, you are grounded."
"Alright, cool."
"It isn't cool," he replied humorously. "You need to get your mark up to at least an 80 for university."
"Alright," Rayne said. She walked back to her desk and made a mental note to come to his room at lunch to write. "Grounded" meant staying in at lunch getting assignments done and Rayne actually liked being grounded. She didn't get anything done at home and doing homework at school made it a lot easier to focus. With a large yawn she put her head down and closed her eyes. The movie was getting boring and predictable but she wouldn't complain outright otherwise the teacher would make her do work.
~~
When lunch came around, Rayne and her friends sat in their usual spot upstairs in the hallway to eat. As she went to sit with her friends, she caught her reflection in the glass. She sat across from it so she could see it.
"Okay, I want to leave the school! We should go to sev!" said Harley. She got up and asked: "Who is coming?"
A chorus of "I am!" proceeded from the girls.  Rayne got up and was happy to get out of the school. As they walked Rayne was trying to decide if she wanted anything.
"Ray! Are you going to get anything?!" yelled Mia.
"Uh... I might."
"You should! Come on!"
"I don't know,"
"You think that your stomach rumbling is your body eating away at fat on your body but it isn't!"
Ray was embarrased by Mia's bold comment but she knew that Mia was just trying to help. She was hungry, but she still had problems eating "junk."
"Mia, I'll eat when I'm hungry," said Ray.
"You're hungry now so just eat something!" They were at the store now and her friends were picking out slurpees and pizza. They were all so skinny and fit! How did they do it?
"No I'm not,"
"Fine. Suit yourself, then." said Mia. She proceeded to order two pieces of pizza and got a chocolate bar to top it off. Ray felt envious of her... pizza was so good. And chocolate was delicious! There were so many things she wanted to say but her friends didn't need to hear it. They deserved happiness and not to be burdened by her inner beast.
When they got back, Sharon looked at Ray when the others were gone.
"Yes Sharon?"
"Um, well... to be honest, I'm worried about you."
"Why?"
"I don't think you eat enough for what you are doing... I know you eat breakfast and usually finish your lunch before the bell goes but... I think you need to eat more."
"Sharon, I'm not really sure what to do... Don't worry, I've been paying attention to it and I'm trying to deal with it. My hunger pangs are different so they feel more like cravings than needs." Sharon looked at Rayne quizzically. "You know how some poeple's stomach grumbles or they start feeling sick? I just start getting nagging thoughts about food, so whenever I eat I feel like I am giving into a craving. It's weird."
"Oh... still,"
"Hey let's go find the others, they are probably back upstairs by now!"
"Alright!"
They walked upstairs to find their friends and the conversation moved on.
"Mrs. Fen sucks at teaching math!" said Briea. Briea was a responsible girl who was easily angered at looking bad at anything she did.
"Well that is because she goes so fast!" chirped Harley as she played with her shoulder-length black hair. "She favors the ones who don't do their work and know everything!" She made a face and started mocking the smart people: "Oh you know I'll just sit here and wait until nobody gets it so I can jump in and do it for everyone because I'm so smart!" Harley's voice was very high-pitched now and Briea chimed in.
"Oh! Teacher! Let "me" do it, I'll figure it out if nobody else can! Hahaha!" It was clear to the group that Briea and Harley were very frustrated over their math class. Rayne smiled and shrugged. She and Faryn were not about to endorse this sort of mockery because they had no right to judge.
"So Faryn, how was your day?" Faryn looked at her calmly with eyebrows raised.
"Fine... Oh! Guess what?!" Faryn had this quirk of flashing from tranquil to excited and happy very quickly. Ray was quite amused by this.
"What?"
"Okay, my brother told me this blonde joke... do you want to here it? I don't know if you want to; I don't want you to be offended or anything,"
"Honestly it is fine, I enjoy them!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes,"
"Okay, so a red-head and a blonde are watching the six o-clock news and they show footage of a man threatening to jump off of a bridge. The red-head bets $50.00 that he will and the blonde bets that he won't. The guy jumps and the blonde pulls out fifty dollars and hands it to the red-head. "No I can't, I cheated. I saw it on the five o-clock news." The blonde looks at her and says: "Well so did I, but I didn't think he'd do it again!"
By now everyone was listening and raucous laughter broke out. Faryn was so amused by her own joke she began to rub tears of laughter out of her eyes.
"Wow, Faryn... I didn't expect you to tell a joke like that!" Faryn was quite conservative and always had a strong faith in God. She was never allowed to watch anything like Scooby-Doo or Harry Potter because her parents saw it as the devil's work. Thankfully, her family wasn't too strict and still allowed sillyness. Regardless of her guarded childhood, she was still a very intelligent, nice girl who didn't allow evil to permeate into her life.