bouncing thoughts

a wave of nausea hits me. i just want to forget,this is painful.eratic mania eats away my nerves.i shake and i cry endlessly.why does loving cost so much pain,and why are razors so cheap?can anyone do the math? i hate so much that im disreguarded,that noone ever sees,im truly deeply hurting and its making my soul bleed.i dont want to die, i just want relief.so, i sit alone ,in this lonely room barren and brief,hoping that someday i may be complete.im picking up the splinters of what my halo used to be. putting them away nice and neat,i begin to grieve.i must go and smile again and pretend that i agree.i feel alien,suffocating on beliefs and ways that cause a haze of poison to my reality.will i ever see a genuine happy state? will i ever learn my lessons,and be free to fly home again?or will i stay put and let misery consume me into darkness and finally sleep.subjection to a genuine state of peace may be the key.