My Inner Struggle

The dead shadows, a frozen floor
My feet touch as a match to water
No need to mind my exit
Every being rests as the ancient one strokes another hand threw his beard
It does not matter what he says
No eyes set on my path, no ears to my tread
And softly I kill them, a cold hearted murderer
One trust by one
They sleep forever more
Even the alarm quiets as the body twitches
But the soul mourns
Rising up flesh from heart I rest my thoughts away
Their own do not dare listen
I have no hope in life
At least says my rotting carcass
As my own soul attempts its escape
Violently breaking through as the skin bursts forth
And upon it I stand
The new,
The aged,
The timeless.
-
As I succeed past the physical
I float in the great abyss
The gap between life and death finds itself no longer gaping
But sown together as the seamstress heaves her final breath she encompasses me
A quiet space,
A dark space,
Infinite space,
She is on my heels
And I am head over, yet my whole self lies under
“I thought I escaped this fate! This trauma”
She soothingly breathes down my neck,
“You slip you fall,
You will witness it all,
The struggles of man, the temptation of heart
You’re with me forever we’re never apart.”
My knife reaches my throat, the point on my throbbing target.
Her hand reaches out through dusk and dawn, through yesterday and tomorrow
The birth and the end.
“No, you have no reason.”
I spread my parched lips to utter my reply in defiance,
But she hushes me,
“Remember you are not even real anymore. You have changed”
-

My weary body is on a conveyor
Per every step I fall back
Yet I believe what I see, and what I hear
I allow room for their error
I have no body
I slip and fall deeper into the dark pools of consciousness
Submerged till my literal breath escapes and none to quickly I float to the top
Only to drop as lead again
Momentum shakes and I am spewed forth on the wings of a cold rising eagle
Soaked through I lay on the frozen floor
And they look at me and laugh, while others offer me the comfort of heart
“None of you are here, in this time you will cower”
Their eyes lock with mine,
“Oh how could I doubt her?”
The words penetrate me
As the flaming arrows of the enemy scorch the oncoming legion
I could muster no strength. Till I collapsed and the tide brought me back
To all that I still lack
I hide in my body, my body hides in her words.
-
No one can tread the path behind
I set everything forward
And invincible I walk
The sand mocks my way, trail me if you must
I will take you to the point of oblivion
Where even the sky does not follow
I know not how and where I reach for it
But time will stand no fight
Walk to the end, and take a step farther
Together I believe we can go
My burdens lay heavy, strive on.
Distinction reverts to blotted lines
The world is left behind with all its ungodly memoirs and empty shrines
Step by step I wade in to what I cannot see
The cold sweat soothes the race horse within my chest
I stumble,
I pick myself up,
I put my feet down,
I keep moving,
And I just keep moving
My eyes dim, what is ahead of me seems to falter
-
I reached where they said no man can enter. I told them I had come to find that. That overbearing thought that the world sits on edge.
I step forward,
And she’s there.
Her hair is of silk her skin is soft.
We engage and I have been caught
My hands run her side
My eyes race around her body
And I wrap around it all.
She has no fear as she greets me
My mind shatters the illusion grasping the less interactive reality
I divert my actions, she chases as the moon hunts the sun
Speaking,
         “Remember the days of old
          When you and I were simple and bold
          Standing stiff our bodies never did fold.”
And I replied,
         “Remember you curse? Follow my worn path of denial.
          And we walked hand in hand to my own funeral, single file.”
She began to cry. The skies darkened beneath my brow.
I forced passed her just to catch her hand
The thorn stuck me, and I stood protruding there.
-
I bleed like the others
I witness my own failures as well
I hold onto what I believe
I lift my weighted shield
And my sword swings at my side
No one stands before me but her.
I thrust at her open skin,
But I pull, I pull back
So innocent, so free
The songbirds call me a coward
I look to the rising sun and turn my head to the other setting, and I begin
To flee hopeless abandon
Nothing between the ground and me
As a fish to water I take off
The horizon never nears, but I count my losses and my fears
Less I hold in my palms then before, my body coughing blood but I persisted
Life revealed itself as something worth attaining.
During my flight I swam against the current
With the mountains as my witness. No one approached me.
I felt as a lightening bolt
For I was free
She was behind, I no longer inclined.
-
My escape was victory and my victory fell upon me
As a leper and everything I feared came true
My heart was abandonment
The past looked so inviting
Her cold touch seemed so homely
Before me all I felt was the desire to avoid what I evaded
And so I began running again
But the desert heat was ever present
Oh nothing satisfied, I felt left to rot.
I was sent to the slaughter and my physical presence had consumed me once more.
Compelled to regret,
That is what I began and what I wanted to cast to the deep
So I dove in to relinquish this,
And that is where I am found
The darkness I watched
Swim in congruence with me
It all seemed the same it all sent itself after me.
-
I cannot tell you what these words mean
I wish it all to the beneath
The harbor of the unseen
Worn as the autumn leaf
Time does not fall
Floating through the rugged escape
Our actions are never too small
But, sadly lost to fate
I am left to pieces
Your hatred for me increases
The summer dove, was my once lost love
Now my heart is laid to rest
With the chilled and scolding wind
Yellow and red at best
Your fantasy has reached its end
And your anger pulses through your grasp
Put down the fiery branches
But I have thrown to far to cast
And beside me lies your chances
-
My eyes are closed but it does not matter
Hands before me I still cannot see
While blood keeps circulating faster
I know not what stands before me
Of conquest, slaughter, and rhyme
Banning coherence I would surrender my all to see the light and feel its shine
But my dreams must abandon their stead
As water chokes my living moments
Flowing within me it all thickens to lead
No fear in death for it feels like it is all placed in life’s sake
I drown in an invisible dungeon
This haunted lake, to the taste it is nothing but bitter
A voice echoes out,
         “Lapping the shoreline of your body
          The water calls for sacrifice
          And its gift has found its way to this abode.”
I strike out to sudden for the beast and to say simply the very least
It fell back at least 10 feet. To give me my recovery
How I miss the trees, grass, and moon so lonely
-
The air is chilled, but the atmosphere is rich in heat
And no price can be placed at the foot of twilight
Moist, is the draft, as a melody laden with fear
During the seconds drip, and the rush of each wave
Nearly securing itself with its grip; trees sway back and forth.
The only bystander as life walks by taking no heed
A violent noise sounds.
And as time is spent across the waters and non existent
To one leagues away from it does the note strike
Its grasp caresses the back of one of the significant ones
Suddenly blasts as trumpets sound and the ensemble dives into a stronger verse.
The heat rises and the fog leaps, but they remain on the ground his hands on her hips, her hands on his shoulder while bother their eyes are closed they can see one another in magnificent detail.
A depth of understanding and perception are conceived.
As each are locked in the others universe only to release the handle and stand together.
No longer as him and her but one. They float the seas of passion in the windows to each other’s soul. As time and travel evacuate the conscience all is forgotten.
Except for the now phantoms of each one’s presence. A light, a rude light, cuts the fog and a man steps out of his realm and enters theirs.
“Run! Take my hand get on your feet!” he says
“Why must we stop? Why must we cease? Wait for me!” she sadly blurts.
-
A hand reaches out and takes hold of her, the sweaty palm loses its hold and the two escapes with one held at their heels. He looks into the sky as they run seeing the stars shine brilliantly that night, and he then glimpses into her eyes.
“How bright” he mutters, she pays no attention.
As the chase continues the two find an alcove, a crevice.
And watch as the intruder charges off.
“Take me away, to where you are.” She whispers.
He’s eyes glisten, “let’s board my ship, I know of this island from where all that can be seen is blue, the kiss of heaven and earth. The bond of the ethereal and physical. We shall go there. Let us challenge the two for the title of eternity. For once we land the four of us shall be alone. But I shall be with you, and you shall be with me. All I need is for you to follow me down this road. Stand into the light for the way is covered.
-
I stand before the ocean, it overcomes me.
The sylvan woods march upon me
Vastness encompasses my being
My grain of sand washes absently back and forth
I float dead, as apathetic as absent is.
My eyes crush what lies before my feet
Blank bodies scatter the ground as leaves cover a tree
My whole is shook as hard as the world shakes
Nothing I have learned is in preparation.
I stumble forward groping in the dark
Reaching forth I feel like my life has ended
The boat that flowed so softly as I saw it from a distance rocks at my heels.
Back and forth the murky depths scream death into my lungs while I inhale
But this ship has been built
Long ago, before I struck out to sea
Before I could imagine such days.