Coming to the edge

Sarah was going crazy. Everything in her life had collapsed or was on its way to collapse. Her marriage was gone. Her home in forclosure. No money in the bank and bill collectors were calling, He had taken it all. She cringed as the phone rang. Her only thought was to escape, to hide, to disappear.

She couldn't. Two people depended on her. Her children Alexa and David.

They were her saviors and her hell. Poor children only 1 and 5. They could not understand the stress she was living. Their only thoughts were of pancakes for breakfast and hugs at night. Sarah felt that the hugs at night kept the demons away. Not out of reach mind you, just far enough for sleep but close enough to make one uneasy.

Doctors wanted her on pills or in the hospital. Her focus on life was surviving but not to their standards. One minute she cried, another she was laughing hysterically. A roller coaster of emotion. Panic. Anxiety. Sadness beyond sadness. How her life had come to this she did not know. How to remove herself from the roller coaster was the question.

Where should she focus? How could she focus?

Little things caused the most pain. A can of shaving cream. A dirty sock. A stain on the carpet.

At work the pain was lessened. Too much todo and never enough time, so she lived for the work. Even though the satifaction was nill.

At home, with the children, she kept things happy and answered questions as she could. Ones directed toward "daddy" were diverted with the answer. "Daddy will have to answer that for you." Otherwise, things were fairly calm. Dinner, TV, reading...then off to bed. Hugs, kisses. Silence.

Silence was when things crept up and put their claws into you. Silence was when the worried became mountains and demons. Silence caused the loosening of the mind, the panic, the anguish.