The affair of Auschwitz. |
The Jew who loved a Nazi Sam Calonkey 4-10 to 4-26-10 The year was 1944 In an urban apartment Overlooking the street Through a single barred window There were people in that room A mother and her son They were fighting. The boy was seventeen And the war was coming To and end. He Wanted nothing more than To do his bit. I want my boy after the war She said, But I’ll be a guard! There’s no harm in that Why it’s the safest thing A man can do He explained, But mama cut in I want my boy She choked, disgusted Not the monster That you’ll return! He gasped. They’re animals! It’s all in the morals, Ma! Animals need a cage, It made sense, he thought. They’re people, boy! She continued through his glare What about Isabella? That girl to whom you proposed She’s a Jew. Does that make her an animal? She cried. Is that whom you love an animal? He slapped her With tears in his eyes He couldn’t talk Couldn’t bring himself to speak So he ran. He ran right out the door And Mama fell to her knees Damn the propaganda To Hell with the Nazis What have you done with my boy? * * * He arrived at the Recruitment Center Some hours later A lone man stood Behind a desk A pamphlet of papers in his hand An icy glare in his eyes, I’m here to join Spoke I I want into the Reich Wanna do my part Spoke I behind doleful eyes He laughed. What’s your age, boy> Where’s your old man To sign permission- Left when I was a lad He did not challenge me. Your ma? She’s dead, I spoke To only myself, I whispered To me. He gave me some papers Fell em’ out Try an’ be accurate And where you wanna go, boy? What’ch ya wanna be? A guard, spoke I At Auswi - er Auschwitz However you sat it, It’s close and I wanna Do my part. Fair enough Replied He, and then Handed me a uniform Dog tags and a gun - I suited up and He smiled, looking proud A fine young lad you are. I practically flew to The train, they took me! The man looked over his papers Frowning at the final words He spoke out loud to himself The confusion apparent - Mama tried? Behind me lies a battlefield Every one involved is scarred And have died if but inside Usurped my emotions Turned me from your morals You know, a man changed I am. Please know my intentions are well Really, I meant no harm If only, a man is inclined to mistakes Do you think this is the real me? Everyone else seems to think so. Look away, cast unto a blind eyes pair Or accept me for what I am Venom ebbs through mortally verbal wounds Emptied the chalice of a fire forgotten. I inquire, innocent if I will Why the rumors, Third Reich O’ why be you are that you are? I dreamt a vivid dream that night A dream that plagues me still That merely consisted of Me in Mama’s arms Decorated for loyalty and excellence But she ignored this. Instead mama was Shaking her head, tears in her eyes As she whispered, a quiver to her lip Where is my boy, Can? Oh Abel, what have you done What have you done with my boy? I embraced her - albeit it a feign And I turned to walk away That’s what haunts me so- The cold, sharp, nothingness in my eyes Eviscerated by her words ‘Tis not how I raised ya, boy It’s not how I raised ya - But if a change is not to be Promise me this, son, promise me this … I woke up right about there And it turned into a nightmare. Smoke rose from a dozen chimneys The air was acrid, full of filth I gagged on my first breath Only breathed when I could hold it no longer. And then I heard the screaming - Terrible, agonized screaming Horrific, terrified screaming Children, parents Men and women Whatever god and the devil himself Drowned in the night Suffocated under the pillows Choked out the light, Silenced the cacophony Until all you heard was screaming - I will never forget the screaming. There was a lad beside me I was actually older then this one. He looked more shaken than me - Pale and looked like he’d been crying But hell, what do I know? I probably was, too. Thirty seconds in and I wanna quit - He asked for a hand And how could I say no? I slipped my arm under his And we swayed together In our drunken lurch to the gate Intoxicated on fear And it only got worse. When we walked through the gates A.. Creature? Fell at our feet Pale and gaunt Looked like a stick with ribs Bloodied gashes encircled its body A white froth covered its mouth And then I looked higher.. I saw a sight that haunts me still- Bloodshot, terrified eyes This terrible wreck was a human. I didn’t hear him till it was too late - Please! Don’t put this on my conscience to - I really tried to stop him I really tried to help him! Please, my god please just make it stop - I will never forget. Never forget the lad younger than I So sickened and terrified He blew his brains out at my feet - I’m crying now, please, look away.. A man in an ironed uniform Chewing on a dim cigar Whose eyes were cold as steel Strode down the walk to me Seemingly oblivious to the World around us- The stench The darkness The screaming. He spat on the body in front of me Muttering about “another one”, He said, and I quote - Hullo’, Son, and welcome to Auschwitz. I think I passed out And If I didn’t, well It’s nothing I cold share, anyway. Regardless, this part is blank So I’ll tell you a story I’m good at that. You may remember from A few pages back that I told you my dad was gone. But I ‘spose it’s a lie To say that he left, It was more like taken. We were playing catch He pitched in the minor leagues I wasn’t half bad either - He told me we’d play together Some day, it would all work out Him pitching and me catching And I studied hard I was at each and Every last game. I learned I learned that faces don’t matter Everyone can have potential Nothing sets any accolade Truly unbalanced above the other - Nothing is perfect. Whether you run like a cheetah Or swear like a sailor Blonde hair and blue eyes In between or not at all That is what I learned And such is my epiphany. In fact, one of his games, you see One of his games is where I met her. A game had ran late, you see Didn’t end till half past ten Didn’t get out till eleven Still had three miles walk home I was scared of the dark So I kept to the streets. I’d noticed her a mile or so back She was some thirty yards ahead I was a half mile from home or so That’s when it happened - Three men appeared from nowhere I swear; right out of the shadows Jumped her ‘fore she’d gathered half a wit Well, I could run to. I was on them seconds later Throwing punches and catching others It all happened so fast I can’t remember it all Only feeling more caged More claustrophobic then ever before. It was over before it started They thought I was the first Of many rebellious thinkers They fled twice as fast as I came. My reward for such acts, You may wonder - Well I’ll say For lack of better words A kick to where the sun don’t shine And held at arms, knife to a finger She said back, back you filthy animal! ‘Twas more then slightly confused. Christ, woman.. Was just trying to help I’ll leave you next time if you like.. She must have noticed I had no posse Wasn’t dressed like a crook, I don’t know but something clicked. She started blushing really bad And helped me up, Muttering something I couldn’t hear. She kissed my cheeks and Partly fearful, partly bashful She grinned, “Hi, my names Isabella.” I walked her to my house She’d been running away Though wouldn’t yet tell me why She seemed to have Taken a liking to me I couldn’t believe it, I had plenty of people that I craned my neck and looked at in respect I kind of liked the thought, Behind he who was being watched - Though the feeling was mutual For reasons I didn’t yet know And as the night bade farewell To usher in the mornings gaze I walked into my home Said I’ve someone I want you to meet - Instead I got two sentences One voice yelled accusingly Where in god’s green Earth have you been? And then my dad - the other voice - stepped out And told me with a chuckle, “Damn, boy, was hoping you’d Wait till you were older..” He never finished that sentence. At the very moment The door broke down And those men came in The men who ran like the wind They had guns. Come here, boy! They sneered Yea, we’ve got candy, another snickered As they lined up the revolver to my head And my father stepped in. Leave the lad, he whispered He’s yet got all his life With a wink, said he, He’s even found a girl. So if you must do away And take the life of one Then let that life be mine And let there not be a word, As he walked out the door With a tear in his eye He gave me his pitching glove And whispered, “Now listen here, boy Take good care of her for me.” That was three years ago And I haven’t seen him since But that’s all I’ll say for now Feeling so utterly alone And hopelessly lost Stick around and you might just learn To hear the story I’m not telling. Anyway, it is night now And I am going to sleep Through what I hope to be A dreamless night - For I fear that if I recall The day all at once It may turn into a night Full of very vivid dreams That will whisper their tales Into my dozing ears forever. The lad dreamt a dream that night Though of the days events Its memory was blank Instead the maiden that came to him Spoke the future to the boy ‘Twas the first of what could Very well turn out to be many dates So bring your ballet shoes For our young man took on a dance Led on by boyish lusts When all he wanted was To feel loved To feel meaningful To feel human - So many things deprived from him In the which that he resides Though the intentions don’t matter For our boy has taken A waltz with the devil And such a dance, you see, It may just last forever. There was something at the door Coming closer, closer Ever so dreadfully closer Garbed in a flowing dress A veil covering its face White gloves on the hands Covering long, delicate fingers. He could see nothing of the girl Couldn’t feel her ice cold breath Couldn’t see her frozen eyes Even as she sat at the foot Of the bed unto which he’d resigned. Who are you, I whispered She gave me to silver coins Why are you here, I inquired She slid a hand down my face From where do you reside, I shuddered She undid my nightshirt Leaning close as she placed A single delicate hand Over my heart, and unto Her frozen fingers It skipped a beat. What is your name? I may have whimpered She spoke nothing Did nothing Silence. It seemed we remained like that For hours upon hours Until finally She lifted up her veil Placing the coins over my eyes And I felt her lips touch mine As I opened my eyes As I opened my eyes to see the face Of the fair maiden for that of whom Tonight my eyes will dine. Staring right back at me Were holes where should Be her wonderfully beautiful eyes, Caves of darkness lay behind No nose resides upon her face Bloodied bandages were wrapped From ear to ear Her lips were sewn shut. I shrieked, drawing my knife Cutting through the neck of my demon And it rolled away, though Gave not a drop of blood Silence and nothing more. The body fell away Clothes disintegrating Cancer spots painted a body Dried breasts sunk unto the mound Legs home to not a muscle Folded underneath No hands lay under the gloves. Just a corpse in her Sunday clothes What are you! I moaned And as to answer From under a fold of flesh The tattoo revealed a number 201827 Two silver coins in thy hand From birth to a bitter death Two souls who breathed no more Restlessly tortured sevenfold. I looked at the skull And the words played in my mind I am that they call A bump in the night Muffled screams for mercy Damnation time and time again Every soul with me will meet A time of utmost intimacy That will never be lived again Here forth am I, Here forth art thou. I shrieked, awoken in sweat A bloodied knife in my hand Etched into my brow The number three Seething with the words Of a skull-faced maiden Who could see the future And to me spoke nothing. I was shaken violently I whimpered, cried Begging the maiden to let me be And then I was struck. “I ain’t no maiden You god damn maggot! Get up, you missed the horn And duty is your first Whose impressions are Oh so important.” I walked out of the tent In an obvious daze Holding a hand to my brow No number, no blood Stained the tip of my knife But the skull-faced maiden Left an icy touch Inscribed my heart And never to disappear That told the fortune Of a maiden Whose words that one Can’t strain to hear For to reveal the future She speaks nothing. There was a jingling in my pocket As I walked out to death row To watch the lines of people Who bore terrified eyes Inside of sleep deprived sockets It was strangely quiet So much that I could hear My brain beating at its cage My heart crawling to freedom My ears bleeding at the sound Of a thousand people marching In utterly total silence. So quiet that with every step I take Click, click, click Every last footfall Click, click Every moment - Click. I reached into my pocket Only to withdraw Two ice cold silver coins. I was walking to the latrine When a sight bestowed before my eyes Jammed itself down my throat And almost made me puke There was a Nazi Five, six years older than I Walking an elderly Jew Down the sidewalk to a chamber Whispering into her ear Not much longer, Ma’am You can go to sleep in just a bit Lighten your load, here I’ll hold that.. Why Don’t you take a shower? And then he pushed her Headfirst through the door Laughing so hard he cried. It was too much Impossible for so much cruelty Utter, sickening cruelty To be within the capacity of man - I sprinted to the door Laid a bullet between his eyes And in his finally moments He stopped laughing Yet the grin remained on his face. I took his jacket Opened the door and ran inside Crying so hard I choked As I saw the old woman Standing there naked Twisting a nozzle Confused at why there was No water coming out. Get down! I cried She backed away with a scream As I jammed the coat Into the nozzle of cyanide On my knees hyperventilating That was too close for comforts I heard a sound Click, click, click Turned around, the old lady Was creeping towards me A high heeled shoe over her head What are you doi- Crack. The heel smashed through My left eye Blood everywhere I was seeing two Couldn’t hardly breath More footsteps, click click And two silver coins Gloved in the eyes of my pursuer A tall man in An ironed uniform Chewing on a dim cigar He glared at me - Looking back and forth Between the clogged up Passage of death As he shot the lady And left her to bleed. He knelt down to me Worry in his eyes Compassionately whispered “What happened, son?” All I could get out Through the fear And the blood Seeping into my mouth, was “She’s.. A human.” He glared at me, seething - “And another one yet.” The heel of his boot Crashed against my forehead And the world went dark Except for two silver coins - Click. I saw many things In the time that I was out Though perhaps only one Held any worth to a thought To be truthful I could swear That I had died - I was staring at a tombstone Though the name I couldn’t read I heard crying - With every ounce of strength That I could muster I turned And saw what looked to be Nothing other then an angel - But she was terribly wounded Countless cuts and abrasions Stained her skin blood red Her canines were elongated Feathers were missing From folded wings - I moved, click, click She turned, apparently Noticing me for first And sighing, “You! Why are you here? What are you doing? This is an odd place For one oh so young So innocent and scared Tell me, child, tell me What brings you here.” So I told her Tried to sit up- Click click. I remembered then, about The ancient cost of death Handed them to her Who thrusted them back, sighing “No, no, keep your fare” With a tear in her eye “It’s not fair for one so young to journey here, It’s not your time, kid I’m opening up the gates Flee! Away! Hurry!” As she kissed me on the forehead Whispering so deathly soft “As you descend the stairs Have no second thoughts Don’t stop at all or stare For a man can never know The passage or the rite From there to here.” Yet, regardless of what’s right, About halfway down I stopped Turned around and waved To see a tear fall from her eye It tears at my heart still The emotion of the moment That I turned my back and fled From the one ally I’ve made here Fled from my celestial fiend, Kept running until I couldn’t hear The sound of my heart Trying to escape to freedom Or my brain beating at its cage Nothing but silence And the horrible, terrible Screaming. It was a long path There were lots of curves Some of it was pleasant Some was horrible It got better when I learned Not to look over the edge For I was countless leagues Above the screaming, terrible Earth In this little world of mine In the world of dreams One false step One cocky move One wrong breath Would send me tumbling over To what may as well have been A surface of jagged rocks below. The end of this path set me On the inner side of a Very large tent, being Scrutinized by an odd Looking little man Said his name was Josef Mengale Was supposed to be a hospital But it looked more like torture A room full of human experiments As he handed a scalpel The words of a skull-faced maiden Who spoke nothing to me Whispered in my ear: “Hello, my boy. I am the Angel of Death.” Though my ears do me false For Josef spoke not a word, And I was sent on my way Upon closer inspection I looked different then before I bore no swastika No privates patch Or my butter bars No inscription on my arm Reading Blitzkrieg ‘Twas as if I was nobody.. A Nazi no longer. With a shrug I took my position Ten feet leftwards And two to the fore In correlation to the gate Watching go the passerby Through this little store of ours With but a product: Death. And we sold this More like gave it away- Indulged in this liquor of the mind Drank it like it was free But, alas, It is never free. And in our blindness Hidden in a shroud of fear High on ignorance We served more than Any one of our largest tankards Tenfold could possibly hold The product of our brewery It was desensitized Dehumanized And that’s the catch: Surely none of us were human? Can one truly carry out Their job of waitress With a thousand tankards brimming Spilling over the edge the Liquor of emotion? No. Ours were empty The drinking lips were parched Yet we share the result still I threw my glass away Its contents thoroughly drunk. On the way to the latrine To relieve myself I saw the first in command- Iron pressed uniform Chewing on an unlit cigar Eyes as cold as steel. He saw me and Broke the lonesome Though friendly speech Or casual laughs Were not that which So thoroughly impeached. “What you doin’ here boy?” He growled Though gave me no breath For which to respond Instead he grabbed my collar Threw me over the barbed fence Followed by that hefty cigar Hit me smack in the eye- Good thing that is the one With a rather recent patch. “Stay the hell out of The honorable’s quarters You filthy dog.” Said he on a turned foot And for first did I realize The true extent of My uniforms nakedness I was a Nazi no more Finally; A Nazi no more. Though I surely wasn’t a Jew- Not that it mattered. Just a beaten young lad More then slightly blind Who donned an eye patch Not because he couldn’t see But because he didn’t want to- With that little piece of cloth I blinded myself from Half the evil in the world A higher percent most others see. I wandered for quite the time People looked at me curiously Others cautiously stared Some insulted me Yet some fled And yet more ignored me Though, one happened A one I would never expect But you know what they say: If something can happen, it will. “Stop!” a voice spoke from behind me My whole body tensed The voice was feminine I sensed no hostility But walking around in a Nazi uniform- Well, it doesn’t exactly make you popular. “Turn around.” she spoke again And once again I did. The resounding voice Belonged to a girl who looked my age A little skinnier then I remembered A lot more sullen Black circles enveloped her eyes Her brunette hair was unkempt Her green eyes not so sparkling, But powerful as ever- A circle played about her mouth Slightly shaky but definitely Her’s She couldn’t get out the last part But I heart it still: It’s you. She ran at me Limping a bit Wincing when she landed hard Blushed when she tripped And fell before my feet I knelt down, picking her up She was so light A foot from death Yet never more beautiful that I had seen A passionate kiss was traded Between our merchant lips Others gasped, some swore Though I cared not- I had found Isabella. With a tear in her eye She whispered, so soft I barely heard: “About time you showed up.” So softly one treaded I barely heard The footsteps behind me The blow that knocked me Right off thy very feet Isabella tumbled from my arms Screaming in panic Horrific, terrifying Screaming. I didn’t feel the knife come Silently into my hands Until it was too late- A rough childhood taught The reflexes one hoped never to use So dreadfully well In time with the seething words- “Unhand my daughter, filthy Nazi!” It happened in slow motion As he flew through the air Eyes turning from rage To utter, complete fear As he landed on top of me Eyes turning from fear To a bitter acceptance. With a tear in my eye I gave him my full attention As he whispered, “Now listen here, boy Take good care of her for me.” She looked from him to me From me to the uniform From the uniform to my eyes With a sullen whisper, “Why.” I stuttered, I didn’t mean to.. She stopped me; said it was The best thing that could have Happened to him, dying, He had lost so much She stuck a finger at my chest Where the impression of a swastika lay Her head buried in my shoulder, Why. I spoke in a depressed clarity this time If but with a drawn out sigh; Behind me lies a battlefield Everyone involved is scarred And have died if but inside Usurped my emotions Turned me from your morals You know, a man changed I am. Please know my intentions were well Really, I meant no harm If only, a man is inclined to mistakes Do you think this is the real me? Everyone else seems to think so. Look away, cast unto a blind eyed pair Or accept me for what I am Venom ebbs through mortally verbal wounds Emptied the chalice of a fire forgotten. And to myself, I thought I inquire, innocent if I will Why the rumors, Third Reich? Oh why be you are that you are? I saw myself in a puddle of mud- Oh why be you are that you are. I got no answer Instead she took my hand And led me forward “You can share a cot with me” Her face went slightly blank An unhumorous laugh breaking the silence “Just like old times.” We arrived at the camp Some fifteen minutes later I apologize for leaving it out, I am sick of speaking about silence. The bed was about 18 inches long It was a tight fit and I offered to sleep on the floor But she said no; We have some catching up to do. An amount more went on that night Though nothing to break our religions All is the same, forgive me I don’t feel comfortable sharing. So we’ll start where We’ve started before- I dreamt a dream tonight. I was lying in a grave In an hour of the darkest night Lit up by a pale moon And the man inside cried Not so much for himself As tears for the world A shadow reigned over me. The soul catcher Beautiful yet pale Crying and dying with every cast Of disbelief and shock or something else Dark as the dirt of my tomb tonight Tended by the keeper Isabella. My maiden Skull-faced and mute Watching, intrigued and pleased At the ironic cruelty of fate A hunger gleamed in her eyes Such a human imperfection. The angel Dying and fading Lay with me, not a tear or word Creviced her face So loving, lost The caloric element tonight So unreal. A trinity Unanimous in strife Endlessly warring for supremacy Imperfect, love, substantial perhaps and death Utterly human. The voice that never Spoke to me Cracked those lips tonight Your angel is the murdered The savior drags you down Yet I listen not Yet I care not Alas, I can’t talk, Suffocating in the grave. We awoke at dawn I heard the bell this time She kissed me good morning Walked me through the preamble Led me to the assembly With surprisingly nimble feet It was winter at the time Her rags provided little warmth So we huddled together for hours Waiting for the go to, to work Whispering sweet nothings. And… 201827… She was instantly alert I noticed the number on her wrist She told me to stay put Yet I could abandon her not As I stepped into the cast Of an unnamed grave. Nine shots were fired- A bullet through the head- The man stopped at us In his ironed uniform Chewing on a dim cigar His eyes as cold as steel His body just a carapace There was nothing inside. Abandoned in a time of need The man took a wrong path Though he could tell so not Drowning in an apathetic reality. “You.” he spoke “I have a proposal for you.” I cocked an eyebrow “Perform this execution; I will recover your full rights Take it off your record This.. Little slip of ours.” He handed me a pistol- Luger P08 to be exact Isabella tensed as I raised the gun head height Looking deep into her eyes I smiled, one of true joy She gasped, shaking Crying as I whispered goodbye. My finger moved so slowly It seemed the winter would turn Unto a warmer note Before my finger moved an inch Or was frozen to the spot But regardless, the round exploded The bullet fired, cut through The body and threw strands Of fiber ten feet back.. The Nazi flag drifted to the ground Burning in the flames. I embraced Isabella In the split second we had left “I love you” I whispered She repeated, though not so soft as I Carving it into the ears of Any soul who would listen That of a Jew, a Jew Who loved her Nazi. The bullets tore across the sky A dozen or more in each body Dead before they hit the ground The lovers finally betrothed In the most intimate moment of one’s life. The man with a pistol Who’d already died -If only but inside- Well, he smiled Turning on a foot and Indicating to the Angel of Death To do as he wished And to himself; The source of the smile- “Damn, another one.” He felt human for that brief instant Remembering the lass of his Who disappeared in his youth Without a trace A tear broke his steely eyes In his ever lasting quest Unto had been added A final nostalgic chapter- No one turned a head Batted an eye Or spared a glance For just another bullet fired- For he had finally escaped Auschwitz. Saint Peter regarded the new comers With a curious remark A Nazi in Heaven? The lad spoke but a phrase “Another soldier reporting, Sir I’ve Served my time in Hell.” I’ve served my time in Hell. |