Silent Lucidity

A/N: Alright, this was just a way to get rid of my writer’s block! Hopefully, it worked. I thought this up while I was in the doctor’s office and had to write it down! Hopefully you like reading this as much as I liked writing it! ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did then Axel and Roxas would totally be together and Roxas would’ve had a bigger part in 2!


Silent Lucidity


It has officially been four months since Roxas was first diagnosed with Leukemia. Axel had tried everything. He had paid what little money he had to get Roxas into the best cancer treatment centers, and not one of them has been much help. All they’ve told him was ‘to cherish his time with Roxas’ and he was sick of being told to give up. He and Roxas had been together for four and half years now, and he would be damned if he gave up on him now.

Axel had hope that this hospital would be better than the rest. The only other people he could find in this one were the preppy, rich, snobs who came in just because they had a cold and shrugged at the mention of the cost of that one visit. It had cost Axel his precious truck, his entire paycheck (it still was), and half of his belongings, but it was worth it. Anything for his Roxie.

He was here all the time, and he had only left to go to the cafeteria to get Roxas some food. Roxas had suddenly gotten a craving for chocolate pudding turkey sandwiches. So, Axel was walking down the hallway with a tray holding two cups of chocolate pudding and a turkey sandwich, just for Roxas.

“Hey, Roxie. I’m back.” He said as he opened the door with one hand, balancing the tray on the other, careful not to spill the food all over the floor.

And once he saw Roxas’ face lit up as he sat up eagerly Axel felt like nothing was wrong, but the continuous beeping from the heart monitor kept him in reality. Roxas was dying.

Roxas smiled at him as Axel sat down in a chair beside the bed that had a blanket and small pillow filling it, Axel grabbed both and threw them on the floor, and watched Roxas eat the food. It may be creepy to the nurses, who give him weird looks whenever they come in to check Roxas’ vitals, but Axel was memorizing Roxas’ face because he didn’t know how much longer he would get to look at it. He wanted to remember Roxas like this, happy and as carefree as someone could be in this type of situation, not as he would be.

“Thanks, Axel.” Roxas said in-between bites. Axel chuckled as Roxas practically inhaled his pudding, starting on the second in less than a minute.

“Don’t you think you should eat the sandwich before you eat the pudding?”

Roxas shrugged, and continued eating like a starving animal. Axel smirked and leaned back in his chair, getting comfortable, but still watching Roxas eat. He never got bored here.

A knock on the door caused Axel to drag his gaze away from Roxas for a moment and got both of their attention, Roxas placing his pudding cup on the tray and they both watched as Roxas’ new doctor came in. Axel thought the guy looked like a total nut job, but if he was going to help save his Roxie, then he’d keep his opinions to himself.

The doctor approached Roxas first and held out his hand, holding a clipboard in the other, “Hello, I’m Doctor Vexen, you must be Roxas.” He said, as he gave Roxas a slight smile that Axel thought looked more like a grimace. Axel watched as Roxas shook hands with him hesitantly before the doctor turned to him and he shook hands with him as well. “I see you were diagnosed four months ago. Is that true?”

Roxas blinked a couple times and his face was wiped from any emotion at all as he answered with a simple, “Yes.”

Axel knew that the doctor’s question had been like a slap in the face to Roxas about his condition. He had a strong impulse to punch Doctor Vexen right in the face, but he just clenched his fist and reminded himself that this man could possibly save Roxas’ life; until Roxas got better he would have to summon all of his self-control that he has to unclench his fist.

“Alright,” He said as he made a note on his clipboard and turned to Axel. “And you are his…brother?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“No, I’m his boyfriend.” Axel said, watching Roxas’ face out of the corner of his eye.

“Ah,” the doctor said, a smirk slowly forming, “His boyfriend. I see.”

Axel was confused at how the doctor reacted. But he didn’t get the chance to say anything because he started drilling Roxas for more information.

“And how many other doctors have you been to, Roxas?”

“Eight.” He said, his voice turning monotone. It killed Axel to see Roxas shut down like this.

“Eight? Why have you changed so much?” He asked, temporarily forgetting about his clipboard.

“Well…” Roxas didn’t know how to answer and when he turned to Axel, giving him his pleading look so Axel went ahead and answered for him.

“We changed so much because all the doctors would tell us was that there was no chance of a cure and we wouldn’t accept that.” Axel said sternly. “So, if you don’t mind, if you think the same thing then I’ll find another doctor, so tell us now exactly what you think about his condition.”

Doctor Vexen smirked wider at him and set his clipboard down on the end of bed. “Actually, I was wondering if I could speak to you about that.”

Axel narrowed his eyes at him. Why couldn’t these people ever say anything outright?

“Fine.” He said as he got up and turned to Roxas, kissing him on the forehead. “I’ll be right back, Roxie.” Roxas nodded and Axel could feel him watching them both as they went to leave the room.

Once the door was closed Axel rounded on the doctor. “Alright, doc, straight to the point here. Is there a cure or not?” He was tired of playing games, the longer it took them to find a cure, the less likely it was to work before the cancer progressed until there was no possibility that a cure would work.

“Oh, there’s a cure. But you’ll need a referral by me to get it.” He said, smiling at him in the oddest way it made Axel’s skin crawl.

“Really? How long will it take for them to accept the referral?” Axel asked excitedly. Finally a cure! Roxas would be okay, and this whole nightmare could end and be nothing but a bad memory.

To his surprise the doctor started laughing maniacally.

“What the hell is so funny?”

“You actually think I’ll give you a referral when you lost me my last job?” He said.

“What?” Axel was really confused. He had never met this guy before and he was claiming that he made him lose his job?

“You know. You, Axel Flamer, and me, Vexen Shenai. You were quite the trouble maker before your parents died. You told my previous boss that I was giving out alcohol illegally when I didn’t give you any. You got me fired. I almost didn’t get this job, thanks to you. So, why should I do a favor for you? I see nothing in it for me.”

Axel was speechless. He remembered now. And everything he said was true. He did lie to his boss, and he did get him fired. All because the guy obeyed the law. That was over six years ago, so he had forgotten about it.

“Vexen…I’m sorry, okay? I’m not like that anymore. All I care about is Roxas getting better. That’s all I want, you have to believe me. You can do whatever you want to me, just give the referral.” He begged. He would have gotten down on his hands and knees and begged even more if he had to. He would do anything for Roxas.

“Hmmm.” Vexen muttered, tapping his pointer finger against his chin, mocking concentration.

“Well…” He started, “I guess I could give the referral. If you tell me something.”

“Okay.” Axel said eagerly.

“What matters to you the most?” He asked, his eyes dancing with delight.

“Roxas.” Axel said immediately. He didn’t even have to think, Roxas was his life.

Vexen’s smirk widened, “Alright. I’ll give you the referral…if you give up Roxas for good.”

Axel glared at him. “What?”

“It’s pretty simple, Axel. You cost me my job, but also got me a better one; so, I’ll give you something, but also take something away. Take your pick. Roxas being well again, or being with him.”

Axel couldn’t move, he just stared at Vexen. He knew what had to be done; he had to leave Roxas, but how was he supposed to do that? How was he supposed to leave the best thing that ever happened to him? He didn’t know how.

“How do I do that?” He asked, not realizing he said it out loud.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You’re a convincing liar, Axel.” He said, as he went back into the room and came out a second later, holding his clipboard. “Roxas is expecting you. You shouldn’t keep him waiting.”

Axel took in a deep breath. “You promise you’ll send to referral?” He asked, trying to hide the pain he was in with what he was about to do.

Vexen nodded.

“Alright. I’ll just tell him and leave.” Axel said numbly as he went to go back inside the room.

Once he entered and he saw Roxas’ confused face his eyes instantly watered.

“Hey, Axel. Doctor Vexen said you wanted to tell me something?” He asked his head cocking to one side making him look even more adorable.

Axel closed his eyes tightly, gaining control over himself. He walked over to beside the bed and sat down in the chair.

“Roxas…I have to tell you something.” He started.

Roxas rolled his eyes. “I figured that, idiot. What do you want to tell me?”

Axel gulped and looked down at the floor. “Roxas…this isn’t working.”

He glanced up and instantly knew it was a mistake. Roxas’ eyes got wide and his face fell, his eyes watered and his mouth formed a frown while his hands formed fists around the sheets. Axel heard his breathing get more hitched.

“Shh. Roxas, it’s okay. It’s fine.” Axel said, moving to comfort him but remembered what Vexen said and sat back down.

“No,” Roxas voice broke as sobs threatened to make themselves heard, “It’s not okay. How could you do this to me? Especially now?”

“Roxas…” Axel went to reach for his hand, unable to hold himself back anymore, and was shocked when Roxas pulled back roughly.

“No. If you want to go, Axel, then go.” Roxas said staring at the blanket he was wrapped in.

Tears fell fast from Axel’s eyes as he watched Roxas trying to hold his own back. All he wanted to do was make Roxas happy and healthy again…with him. But that wouldn’t happen.

“All right, Roxie. Good-bye.” He whispered as he slowly got up from the chair and left the room. He hadn’t fully closed the door yet when he heard Roxas’ sobbing. He closed his eyes and felt a lump in his throat at the sound. He wanted nothing more than to run in the room and kiss his tears away, but Roxas was crying because of him. And that made it all that much worse.

He leaned against the door, his back to it, when Vexen came to him, smiling yet again. “Well, I have sent the referral; they should let him have it in about two weeks to a month. Just make sure you keep your distance and everything should be fine. Have a nice day, Axel.”

Axel glared at him. “I hope you’re happy.” He hissed at him.

“Oh, delighted in fact! I’ll take good care of him, Axel. I promise.” He whispered the last part to him, getting extremely close to him.

“You’re a bastard, you know that?”

Vexen stood straight, and went back to Roxas’ room which was some-what silent now. “Oh, I’ve been told that a couple of time, mostly from you. People don’t seem to change at all, do they?” He said to him before closing the door in his face, leaving Axel in the hallway alone except the nurses who were walking around busily.

He eventually made himself move out of the hospital and walked back to his apartment, which he hadn’t been in for a while. He usually slept at the hospitals with Roxas, but he would occasionally sleep in his apartment. His roommate, Demyx, didn’t really mind. He got to spend some more time with Zexion while he was away. They would always call to make sure they were okay though every week. That kept some normality alive for the both of them, he was glad of it, too.

“Hey, Axel! You’re back early. What’s up?” Demyx asked, bouncing over to him. He stopped once he got a good look at his face.

“Axel? Axel?! What’s wrong? Is Roxas okay?” Demyx asked hurriedly, as he caught Axel before he collapsed.

He led Axel over to Axel’s bed and laid him down. “Roxas is fine, Dem. We’re not together anymore.” Axel said weakly.

Axel saw a look of pure shock cross Demyx’s face. “What? Why not?”

“I ended it.” Axel said.

“What? But-But you bought a ring! You were gonna propose as soon as he got better! Why would you end it now?”

“Vexen. That bastard, Vexen. He said he wouldn’t let Roxas have the cure unless I gave Roxas up. It’s his way of getting back at him.”

“Vexen?” Demyx said, “But that was years ago!”

Axel nodded, “yeah, well, apparently, Vexen still doesn’t like me.”

Demyx’s face grew soft as he enveloped his friend in a hug. “I’m so sorry, Axel. Really, really sorry.”

THREE YEARS LATER

Axel was walking down the street to the library when he saw him. Roxas.

He stopped in his tracks and watched as he walked straight on by, holding another guys hand, laughing as they went. His heart tore in two when they leaned in and kissed.

He didn’t stop staring when Roxas caught his eyes, his own narrowed and he replaced his attention to his new boyfriend.

As much as Axel was hurting; he was glad. Glad that Roxas was better, that Roxas had found someone who could make him happy. Even though he knew Roxas could see or hear him, he gave him a watery smile and said, “Good-bye, Roxie. I love you.” And walked on to the library.

A/N: OMG! I can’t believe I wrote something like this! I actually almost started crying when I was writing that last part. Roxas still thinks Axel just left him when he needed him most, and just to imagine Axel’s thoughts as he watched his almost-husband walk away with someone else was really hard! Well, besides the depressing stuff, I hope you liked it! REVIEW!

~AR13