Letter of Truth.

Many years on
How do I tell a secret
Buried so deep

My mind wanders, finds the words
but when I look at you, or him
The words wrap tightly around my heart
It hurts and I am silenced
The pain, an ever tightening knot

I bury my head and say the words
but then the truth which I have torn from my heart
Leaves me reeling
Rocking

You want to 'be there for me'
You buy me flowers
Say you love me
'Things will never change'

To me they already have

I have taken away your choice
You asked of me a truth when still a stranger
and I kept a part of my soul hidden away in private.

I hear your words, the lilt of your voice
All I feel is dispair
I want to hold onto you
So tight

But you are not really with me
We share everything
Everything else
In this our pain is divided

You can offer no comfort
You say it never did make any sense
I cannot understand how you ever accepted that of me.
How did you ever decide to ignore that when choosing me?

We both know that your choice would have been different.
All we share would only be a mystery
Never to have unfolded
The beauty that has been our love seems to be torn

The illusion of innocence lost
My betrayal, Your freewill stolen
Yet the truth you asked of me was mine to keep.

Years before, Years before
I chose to run, To hide
From him, From truth
Protecting me, Protecting him

We both know your choice would not have been me
Not innocent, not pure
Heartbroken, but strong
You would have chosen more.

Year later, Years later
We let him in
and as he leaves
I see the words never spoken
The 'why' in his eyes

My secret tightening
My heart holding her closer

Then I look at our son, our daughter
and know a love so pure is all we've ever had.