Laying my hopes and dreams to rest

The news came suddenly, without warning, washing away all hopes, dreams, misunderstandings and doubts like a Sunami hitting a populated coast.
No moments to recant, take back, explain those fiery darts called words.
If I had known that the last words you would hear from my lips would cause you pain, I would have swallowed them.
If I had known the last time you called, would be the last time you literally called I would not have pressed ignore.
The tears can not ease this feeling of not measuring up in your eyes or Gods.
I want to go back.
I want to go back because I know, God had more in store than what we decided on.
I want to go back and tell you of His goodness and not fear getting to close.
I know you’re with Him and that allows my next breath to push past the hurt.
I know this to will pass and one day I won’t wake with you on my mind and pray for sleep to come so I can have moments of peace.
In knowing all of this the only explanation for my actions are: I grieve the loss of you..