deep down

Deep down, I burn I'm on fire,

Who set this fire I do not know,

Maybe me, maybe someone else, I just don’t know,

The fires are slowly swallowing me,

It is painful,

However...it is also relieving, the pain is a relief, and it assures me I'm still alive,

Oh, pain & anguish these are medicines,

They just confirm my existence to me.

Do I deserve this dark way to go through?

Who knows?

Anyways now, it is of no use discussing,

I have became an addict to darkness& grief, & soon I will be there queen,

Its fun living like this, if you know how to control your issues.

Darkness it is relaxing, away from all& far from everything.

It is the power you gain from living in the darkness.

The skill you get,

Now I am the queen of desperation & an artist in pain,

I rise to the world of light,

Insecure people everywhere struggling, fighting, losing, winning, killing, & dieing,

I look at these creatures with pity,

I owe them, I control them,

All this power,

All this skill,

I am still not satisfied,

I go to the evil side,

Even drowning the light world in darkness does not ease my hunger,

No one listens none understands,

I return to my dark zone,

Strange feeling tingles my back,

I cannot identify it but it felt good,

I wondered what it could be,

Its happiness the idea knocked me off,

Impossible me!?

It cannot happen; I am way too immune to such ridiculous feelings,

I am sure it was happiness, I panic,

Am I becoming weaker? Am I losing my power?

I cannot take it anymore,

That feeling rips me apart,

I am vulnerable,

I never was, I could not believe this is happening,

I was a superior creature,

All my work to become the great ruler of desperation & anguish,

It's lost,

What ever happened, it made me vulnerable,

I tolerate no more,

I see the sharp blade, urging me to bring it into contact with me,

I do not want to fight the temptation,

Drained & empty, I hold the metal, cold & sharp,

It mingles with my blood, now merely gushing out,

Yes, uhh

Again pain, what a great feeling.

My view is getting dimmer but I feel my spirit is lighter,

Pain everywhere, I feel secure again,

I'm no more drained or empty,

I'm charged,

I lose sensation, I feel nothing

No pain, no happiness just nothing,

I look down at my body,

I rise to the upper world,

The light is penetrating me,

Burning my soul,

I'm on fire,

Turning to ashes it’s a relief,

Now I know the reason for the fire,

I'm back to my old nature,

To what I once was,

Ashes,

From ashes to ashes,

From ashes to ashes,

& from dust to dust,

& from dust to dust,