An open letter to someone long gone away

Oh, hey! I was thinking about you the other day, you know? I heard a commercial on the T.V. and it was advertising some bogus toy, of course, and I got to thinking and you came across my mind... I miss how you would laugh and get excited about things like that. I mean, me, I really don't think I want to go to Burger King to get a meal just for a toy, but you, eh, I guess that's more your forte.

Oh, you used to be such a happy person! Even through all of the muck in your life, I remember, you always seemed to have this innocent shine to your personality. I can't really pinpoint when you disappeared from my life, anymore... It's been so long, you can't blame a guy for losing memory of exact dates! It seems so long ago, that you screamed out loud, or cried because you didn't want to be left alone or just plain didn't want to go to bed on time...

I see some children these days, and I think of you. I always wondered who you would become if you had the chance to grow up and live normally. You loved to use your imagination and make up stories for your Hotwheels cars... And I remember when we were younger, you always had some fun idea to do outdoors, whether it be pretend we've gone back in time after walking out of a shed, to exploring the country side (aka: a backyard), or just running around and playing tag.

Man, you were just a cool kid. Forget computer games and driving places... You could stay out until dark (even if you got scared walking around alone) and be out walking everywhere on your own and living care-free... I miss that. Life got complicated since you where here, my friend... I've changed a lot, like an entirely different person. I like to think I'm still as innocent and caring as you were. People tell me I'm a good person and I'm really nice, so at least some things haven't changed from when we were younger!

Times are still rough, like back then.. it's just changed a lot more into adult things. I guess a way you would understand is it's a lot like how Honey lived. We didn't know much about it apart from the fact that she was a single mother paying bills for everything and still trying to do a good job for everyone. A lot for her to deal with.

I've made a few mistakes and bad decisions, and I don't mean things like stuffing candy down your shorts in the grocery store while no one is looking and saying you found it all on the side of the house, you sneaky little boy. I hope... I hope I'm doing your memory well. I want to live with a part of you with me, like back in the old days, you know? I miss that.

Somedays, I feel like you're still here. And sometimes I see you, like for a small fraction of a second when I see a smiling child. I want to live so that you are still living, too. You were just a great little man, and I hope to make you proud, if I could know what you think of me becoming. I want to do great things, for everyone. I want to reach out to people and help them, because I know you didn't have that when we were younger... I want to be that shining ray of happiness that blasts into the darkness of someone's life and saves them from falling so much into a mess and keep them from getting messed up because of it. You and I both know we went through some terrible things growing up and I would like to save people from experiencing things like not having a father or abusive boyfriends and not having food to eat or clothes to wear, from harassment at school or in public, you know... I just want people to live happier.

I'll always have your memory, no matter how much I may change from back then, I will always remember how things were and should have been and should be. I hope the choices I make would be to your liking, and I don't go against everything you felt was bad or a no-no...

What is love if we cannot love ourselves? Well, I love myself. I just feel like I've lost a part of me sometimes. With the death of innocence comes an understanding of responsibility.

Photo link.