Blown out of proportion

Silence.
Tanya Grey looked upon the audience from her lectern located in the centre of the large stage. Darkness surrounded her, empathised by the singular spotlight directed onto her. She glanced left and right into the blackness beyond her small circle of light, she could only see the shifting shadows and had a feeling that she was alone, adrift on a buoy in the middle of the ocean, nobody there to throw her a lifesaver or raft should she start to drown in her own anxiety.
The silence parted to make way for the giggling and gaggling of babies and the scurrying of little children, making their way between parent’s legs.
In the recreational/theatre hall in which the speech was being held people were packed in: teachers, students, parents, grandparents... pretty much anyone with an interest, forced or voluntary, in the school and its students. There were even people standing against the wall! Parents held distracting babies on their laps, toddlers unintentionally annoying their parents by playing game under the chairs, students fiddling in their seats as if infected with worms, teachers sitting patiently waiting for Tanya to speak, grandparents smiling serenely and some about to dose off.
Tanya could only see the bodies of everyone considering the spotlight that shone in her face which, in her mind, was a good thing, she did not want to see the looks on their faces as she stumbled, stuttered, splattered, and sweated through her first speech. Well that is what she thought would happen. It was coming true, well almost. She was sweating: palms cold and damp, singular drops slide down her torso from her armpit, and her butt crack collected clammy drops.
Even though she was sweating her nerves out when she looked at the crowd it made her feel a little bit better – they were all naked. Every single one of them. The babies on the laps of parents giggling and gaggling; sometimes dripping spittle onto their parents birthday suite; the toddlers crawling under chairs some with a big red hand mark on their backside; parents previously hidden private patches of hair puffing out from crossed legs, werewolf legs thick with curls, and chest like a thick woollen rug. All out for the world to see. Well at least the world Tanya inhabited.
Thank-god for Mr Terry – her English teacher – this technique is great, I’m feeling more relaxed already thought Tanya as she scratched her arm, cleared her throat, and looks up at the crowd.
Silence, except for the soft breeze offering a cool touch on the skin coming from the door opposite Tanya on the far, far side.
“Ladies and gentlemen” Tanya started and the crowd shuffled in their chairs, some looking at each other, some looking away from Tanya, and some looking at the ground.
What the fuck? I’m losing them already? I haven’t even started thought Tanya, feeling anxiety churning in her stomach. She quickly thought back to Mr Terry teaching her public speaking skills. His bushy eyebrows resting on his contemporary glasses and whenever he got excited his pony tail would bob up and down which was happening when he was teaching Tanya about how to engage the audience. “Excitement and movement are the way to capture the attention of the audience” he extended his arms like a conductor, a huge smile through his closely shaved beard.
Tanya smiled. She would engage the audience with movement which was nothing to her – she was the head cheerleader after all. There were plenty of moves she could do to ‘wow’ the audience. But I only want to get them interested in me, not do a dance routine thought Tanya. She looked up and was met with silence, except for the busy kids which helped to fill the yawning void that was meant to be filled with her voice. Thank-fuck I can’t see their faces thought Tanya now I’ll get their attention.
“Ladies and gentlemen” burst out Tanya, spreading her arms wide, nervous cold sweat falling from her shaven armpits. The crowd gasped.
“I would first like to thank” she walked out from behind the lectern, the crowd gasped again. Tanya smiled a self-assured smile, knowing they are seeing her, and she has their attention. The spot light did not move in synchronisation with her steps, but was behind by about 3-4 until it suddenly caught up “the principle” she pointed to him at the front and his faceless body was gesturing frantically with his arms. Whatever it meant she ignored it. They had once told her to stop doing the triple back flip with a twist during the football grand final, she ignored them. The crowd loved it. They said sorry. She smiled. Just like she was smiling now. She had them she knew it. “You people for coming her on this special occasion and Mr Terry my engl-“ she stopped suddenly, as she looked for Mr Terry who was meant to be at the front, but was not there.
“Tanya, Tanya, Tanya” she heard Mr Terry’s voice, somewhere, everywhere “see yourself, see yourself”
What the fuck? She thought No I will focus on my speech, here, now.
“On this special occasion, I am pleased to” started Tanya, her voice confident now as she strode around the stage as if on the football field ready to do the triple back flip with a twist. She looked to the crowd and could now see their faces, like a huge spotlight had been thrown onto them. Everyone’s face was painted in shock: mouths wide open like a cavern with eyes big and accusing. They all pointed at her.
“To... to...”  stammered Tanya, she felt what she predicted was coming true and she felt the heavy accusing gaze of the entire hall; the parents, students, teachers, toddlers, grandparents, and even the babies, upon her. Like the time she was dropped on her chest and winded during cheerleader training, right now she could not breathe. She looked out upon the crowd and their fingers got bigger and bigger. Their mouths and eyes wider and wider until she could see her reflected self.
Then she could see what they were pointing at – she was naked. She looked down at her feet, legs arms, belly, pelvis... she was completely naked. She froze and heat started to fill her body, starting from her toes and proceeding upwards. She looked down again and a deep redness started, paralleling the heat such that it started at her toes and move up with the heat. Slowly it moved up. She looked at the crowd and the eyes and fingers were big as ever, almost touching her face.
Oh my fucking god, oh my fucking god thought Tanya what is going on, what the fuck is going on?
She could feel the heat and redness going higher and higher. Then he skin started to swell. Now a rancorous laughter broke out as the swelling, red, tight and hot expanded everything torso down. Puffy like she was filled with air. Concurrent to the blowing up of her body was the blowing up of the laughter. The bigger she got the louder the laugh.
Oh my god! Oh my god! What the fuck? What the fuck? Thought Tanya, panic let loose within her like a hungry rate knowing through her confidence and self-assurance. The laughter was the air; she breathed it in, keeping her alive in the state of panic while her body expanded to the point of popping – red and shiny, like a rip tomato. As if Tanya was the reluctant conductor of the symphony of the crowd in front of her, she guided the laughter, the pointing, the glaring eyes to a crescendo and then...
BAM
“Oh fuck” gasped Tanya, jerking up from her bed, the usually clean golden blond hair matted with sweat, her dilated pupils’ dark pools surrounded by a crystal blue ocean. “Jesus Christ” she looked around her room, Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp looking nonchalantly at her from the wall. She pushed herself up in bed and petted her forehead while leaning against the bed head. “Fuck, I’m really nervous about that speech tonight, didn’t think I was that nervous about it...”
Through-out her whole day at school the image of her in front of the whole school and more kept popping up in her head and as it popped up she shoved it back down like an unwanted jack in the box that would unexpectantly pop up again. The students didn’t help either.
“Hey Tanny, ya lookin forward to the speech tonight”? eh? You’ll do grrrrrreaaaaaatttt!” said one of her cheerleading friends as she walked down the hallway in the morning.
“huh, wha? Oh I’m not even thinkin’ bout’ it! I’ve got more important thangs on my mind girl.” Reacted Tanya, almost defensively but managing to maintain her calm with a sweet smile even though the image of her blowing up like a balloon and popping in front of the school flashed through her mind. The picture of her being naked did not even get a chance to run through her mind, it was shoved down as quickly as it came.
“Wha, gurl!? More important den a speech with tha whole damn school watchin!? Ya be tripin gurl!” quickly replied her friend as the hurried pass one another on the way to class.
Tanya smiled half heartedly “pft, that ain’t nothing, remember gurl I am the head cheerleader, I’ve been to through more important things than that!” her friend laughed and disappeared through the teeming teenagers some hurry to class while others dawdled and then others just did not care and hung around lockers looking at dirty pictures or girlie magazines.
Lunch time came and even though she had a clear mind, relatively free of any thoughts regarding the speech for most of the 40 minute period when lunch time came there was a constant barrage of support, well wishes, and even some nay-sayers. Though they all had the same effect on her, making her think about the dreaded speech, that she was so anxious about but didn’t want to be. She could not be anxious about it as she was the head cheerleader and had been through much more than just a simple speech, in front of the whole school.
In front of the whole fuckin school, Jesus Christ thought Tanya as she sat on the girls toilet close to the end of lunch just to get away from all the constant reminders, though there was no other constant reminder than her own mind which had began to throw up the images of her naked, her as the swollen balloon, and her exploding with a frequency that bordered on unbearable. However, she swallowed them down I just will not think about them, they just do not exist, I mean I am better than that, that will not happen to me, I will not... I mean will... I am the head cheerleader, yes I am, I will do this...
Suddenly the bell rang louder than she had expected considering she was lost in her thoughts and she shot straight up from the toilet. Under any conditions other than the conditions she was experiencing right now she would have casually opened the door, and walked to class. But under the hyper stressful conditions that she was dealing with at the moment as soon as her head reached the highest point it started to go straight back down. She blacked out. Fifteen minutes later she woke.
As she started to walk down the pin-drop silent hallway she wondered where everyone was, as far as she was concerned she was actually early for this lesson. However, it soon became apparent to her that she was late for class but she was not entirely sure why. She remembered having lunch, going to the toilet, then.... well, after that she was in the hallway. How was she going to explain this to... Actually she doesn’t she is the head cheerleader and will be fine. She has always been fine.
The bell to the end of the school day rang and Tanya strolled out of the school with her friends by her side, giving some guys sidelong looks of flirtation and others the finger. As the girls were parting one of her friends asked “Sooooo ya lookin forward to the speech tonight, Tanny?”
“Speech?” replied Tanya, in serious curiosity.
“haha your playin gurl, you know which one I am talking about!”
“ummm no I don’t, which one??”
“you know the one in front of the school for the whole-“
“ohhh yeah, that one... haha” said Tanya, looking calm and collected “I’ll be fine, no problem at all. You see how calm I am, I didn’t even remember that I was doing it!” She smiled at her friends and they parted ways. On the way home she didn’t think about the speech once. During her talk to her mum she didn’t think about the speech once. When changing, washing, changing, etc she didn’t think about the speech once. Even getting ready to for the event she didn’t think about the speech but automatically dressed into her pristine school attire. Then she left with her parents.
As she walked through the hall she was greeted by her friends, lower grade students, some parents, some teachers and she all gave them the nice public smile, the handshakes, the hugs, etc all perfect and automated. She was on autopilot now and could not change the course.
Tanya stood at the edge of the curtains waiting for her cue, waiting like a Pavlovian dog for the signal that she should start to move onto the stage. The blank look on her face was emphasised by her dead pools eyes gazing lifelessly ahead, her lips relaxed puffed with red lipstick, her hair stood up in a pony tail. She looked like the best student in the school and was close to it as well. Wait till next year and she would be.
The music played, it was almost her time to walk on stage. Then, still on autopilot, she started to undress. First, her shoes and socks being slipped off like slippers; then her knee high school dress dropping off as if hungrily welcomed by gravity; and then her white blouse unbuttoned one at a time – in time with the symbol crash of the music.
Momentarily silence as she stood there motionless in her underwear.
Continuing her stripping down through the cheering of the crowed she robotically took off her bra and panties, they dropped to the ground like weights. The clapping continued some more then slowed down a stopped. She stepped out.
The crowd gasped.