ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR PICK UP LINE

I know that some just do not understand my fascination with hanging out with guys, but I just bore so easily over nails and hair and to be honest I do not care who is sleeping with who’s man. Hanging out with my boyfriend and his friends at the corner bar is much less stressful and I am not watching my back trying to avoid a knife in it every five minutes. They love me hanging around too, they tell me that I am “one of the guys” and I don’t bother them like most woman do.





    We have many nights I could tell you about but let me tell you about last night. I was sitting at in the bar waiting for the guys to come in when Doug approached me being his usual conceded self. “Hey girl how are you? I can not stay too long, there are many lady’s eyeballing my junk tonight.”





    “Hello Doug.” I said as rolled my eyes and agreed with the bartender who was already shaking her head. “What’s up my friend?”





      “What a night it is going be. I have so many to chose from.” Doug pulled his shoulders back and pumped up his boney chest.





      “Yes. Which one of theses lady’s will score with Doug huh?” I laughed and ordered another beer.





      “Hey you doubting the Doug plug?” he sat on the stool next to mine as the guys came in and joined us.





      Timmy spoke up with a big smile. “The Doug plug?”





    “He thinks he will score tonight.” I added knowing where this conversation was going.





      “No. I don’t think I will score tonight. I know that one of theses lucky gals will score, you see, I have a certain charm they can not resist. I use a pick up line and they fall into me and beg for the Doug plug.”





      I could not take it anymore. “One hundred dollars right here for you Doug.” I placed the bill on the bar. “It says you and your plug leave all alone tonight.”

    The guys still quiet sat without a word and Doug just stared at me. “Well alright sure. I am not worried, and I can make one hundred dollars. Maybe I will buy the lucky dame a sodie pop.” He was the only one laughing as the rest of us sat with raised eyebrows.





    “Alright go show these guys how you do it.” I held the laughter in.





      Doug walked around for a little while, and we grabbed a table closer to the dance floor allowing us to watch him make a fool of himself. We shared a few rounds when Steve broke our conversations demandin everyone to be quiet. “And the plug makes his move!”





    Doug walked up to a red headed stallion. She was way out of his league, not that I thought any woman in there was in it, but she looked as if she belonged in a classier place filled with classier people. I think she was on the wrong side of town with her fancy boots and high wide cut pants and flashy silk gray top. Her breast were enough to make the guys all drool filling there beer bottles back up.





      He walk straight to her chest pumped again, and he leaned on the wall. He looked at her up and down. She looked back at him and actually smiled. “Hey I got a deal for you foxy lady.”





    I was surprised she didn’t walk right than and there, so you can imagine how I felt when he spoke and she remained in her spot. He looked at her again and said, “If you can guess my name, I will buy you a drink, and if you guess it in three tries or less I will take you home with me.”





    We all laughed a little knowing that Miss Prissy was about to wash him up like a stain on her blouse. “Alright, but do I get a clue.”

      “What? Did she just answer him?” The guys just sat in amazement with out words they just nodded yes.





    “I don’t usually do this but alright. For you I will tell you that the first letter of my name begins with the letter D.”  He leaned further back on the wall.





    “Dave?” She awaited his answer.





    “No sweetheart. My name is not Dave. You still have two more.” She looked down like a puppy slapped on the nose with the newspaper.





    Timmy took another swig of his beer. “Dam she is hot but dumb.”





    I sat nervous because I started to feel like I was about to loose my bill. “Nah she probably has a plan to get out of the deal. She probably has a plot set up, ya know make him feel like he is scoring before the shoot down.”





    “You know something I think I agree with that one because woman are like that.” I believe Timmy was hoping to make me feel better.

    She twirled her red curls in her fingers for a moment before her next guess. “Is it Dennis?”





    Doug closed his eyes and nodded his head. He stood up straight like he was getting nervous now. It was a simple name and the odds were now stacked against him and his belief that she could possible not get the right name. “One more doll, I will give you one more clue alright. My name not only starts with a D but it ends with a G.”





    “Oh come on! He practically told her.” The guys didn’t know what to say.





    “I will give you time, so think about it first.” His hope faded when she still had not answered him right away.





    All of the sudden a man, a very large muscle headed man stood tall behind Doug. “I know what your name is.”





    Doug turned and looked up at him like his eyes were climbing stairs. “We are playing a game here, you can’t give the answer.”





    “Yes well, little man. I want to play. Unless you have a problem with that.” The man stepped closer to him.





    “Alright. Alright. I will tell you what miss, if he gets it right you will still win.” The entire bar turned quiet and my stomach knotted with very bad ropes of vibes.





    “Let me see now. You say it starts with a D? Than you say it ends with a G? Am I correct?” The man looked at the red head and nodded his head forward and she walked across the bar and right out the door.





    “ I think your name is Dying!” The man swung and slugged Doug sending him flying on top of a table.





    I watched the man leave, I walked over to the bar to grab my two bills, and than walked over to Doug still laying on the table. “Do you guys ever ask if they are single?”