Patterns On My Skin

I'm lying on my bed
Soft and blue.
Staring at the ceiling,
Not really seeing the view.
My fingers idly tracing,
What they earlier drew.

Just a few hours ago,
I was lonely and lost.
Not having who I needed,
Who I wanted the most.
He stalked off in anger,
Not knowing the cost.

I cried till it hurt
Till the pain pierced me through.
Knowing I wasn't perfect,
But there was nothing I could do.
The pain numbed me,
Just one source of comfort left to go to.

So I picked up my blade,
The one I swore not to ever touch.
I was eager to feel the relief,
After feeling the pain so much.
And the pleasure came rushing towards me,
Leaving no one to hate..leaving no one to judge.

I found my comfort,
I indulged in my sin.
Knowing I would hate what I'm doing,
Another imperfection to reel me in.

But loving it then,
Hating it now,

My fingers idly tracing..
The patterns on my skin.