Tony's Problem

“Hey Tony, what the hell yous doing in there?”

“Oh shit! Gimmie a sec, will ya?!”

“I can’t fucking believe it. Hey Frankie, get you’re fat Italian ass in here and look at what little Tony’s up to.”

“Messy.”

“What are you guys doing here anyways? Fucking grinder! This was supposed to be a solo job.”

“Donnie, the greasy gas bag down at the club, told us that you were up to something. He didn’t know what. Said yous been actin’ funny lately. Ain’t that right, Frankie?”

“Yep, funny.”

“I didn’t think it would be anything as fucking funny as this though. Hey Frankie, looks like our boy’s finally popped his cherry.”

“Yep, popped.”

“Does that leg belong to who I thinks it does? Fuck, it is. Isn’t it? Hey Frankie, this little shit took care of our Mr. Prosecutor problem.”

“Yep, dead.”

“How’d you do it? You can tell your uncle Reny. You strong arm ‘em? Bring ‘em down like a fucking calf on the trail, huh?”

“Naw, double tap to the chest while he was on the shitter.”

“You’re a ruthless little cunt, aren’t you? Hey Frankie, yous hearing this?”

“Yep, ruthless.”

“Reny…, Frankie…, no disrespect, but Sal told me if I did this, did it alone, I was a made man.”

“Yeah well, looks like the deed is done, and you done it alone. But if you keeps going on about the disposal like yous doing, you’ll be made all right. Made into the FBI’s poster boy for dumb fuck mobsters.”

“You got a better solution?”

“A better solution he says. Can you believes this guy, Frankie?”

“Nope.”

“Me and Frankie been in this business a long time, and we’ve learned there’s a right way to get rid of a body and a wrong way. And froms the look of the warehouse, you’re doing it wrong. Frankie why don’t you take it from here? Tell the Kid where he went wrong.”

“First, never use a meat grinder. The capillaries burst resulting in a fine mist that is dispersed into the air, and eventually covers every surface in—Oh; I don’t know, by the looks of that grinder—a fifteen foot radius. My advice to you. Grab two spray bottles. Fill one with hydrogen peroxide. Fill the other one with ammonia. Spray the hydrogen peroxide over the scene. The catalase in the blood will convert the hydrogen peroxide into water and oxygen causing the stained surfaces to bubble. Then, spray the bubbling spots with ammonia, breaking down the amino acids in the blood—most notably the DNA. Repeat. You still have most of the body?”

“Uh, …yeah?”

“Good. Get a hammer, a hacksaw, a pair of pliers, and a box of zip lock bags. Pull the teeth out and place them in a couple of zip lock bags. Smash’em with the hammer—for dental records, and then cut the body up into manageable pieces. We got a date with a pig farm.”

“I loves this guy.”