In a Walmart Parking Lot

A post…an e-mail… a call…a visit…


I’m driving down the highway. Towards home. Towards my family. My hands are shaking, my heart is pounding, my stomach is a mess.

I just made love. In broad daylight. In the back of my SUV. In a Walmart parking lot.


What the FUCK did I do?


I think back to two months earlier. To that first post. I remember my hands trembling as I typed the words. I needed to be careful. I needed to make sure my post would be answered. It was. I was flying high.

A flurry of more posts crossed paths. Some e-mails, some flirting –-some definite flirting.

Written conversations ensued. They were meaningful, they were deep, they were personal, and they were mine. I saved them and held them close to my heart. Tucked away in file folders for only my eyes to see.

And then I called. I almost didn’t do it. But I did. It lasted one hour. I wanted it to last longer. I thought it might be the only time.

More e-mails. Lots of e-mails. I began to need the e-mails. Every day I would wake up and look for them. I needed to find more. I needed them to be longer. They usually were. And that made me happy. Very happy.

I started calling. First short phone calls and then longer. Now an e-mail wasn’t enough. I needed to hear a voice, a laugh. I could picture his arms around me. His hands in my hair. His words in my ear.

Hanging up was the hardest thing I had to do. I would rest the phone in it’s cradle and put my head in my hands. Not even a minute would pass and I would miss him already.

I had to go see him. Just a visit, a  rekindling of an old friendship. That’s what I told myself. That’s what I wanted to believe.

We talked. We argued. We held hands. We kissed. I knew it wasn’t right, but it was something I needed. Something I wanted.

More posts…more e-mails…more phone calls…,more visits.

And then before I knew what  I was doing…

I was driving down the highway. Towards him. My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding, my stomach was a mess.

We made love. In broad daylight. In the back of my SUV. In a Walmart parking lot.


What the FUCK was I doing?
I knew exactly what I was doing. And I wouldn’t change it for the world.