Talk Radio

I was in a motel just outside of Abilene when I first heard him. It was a crummy motel, typical of the types of places I had to stay in while I was on the road. It didn't even have a TV, just an old dial-type radio on the nightstand. Well, let me tell you that after a day on the road trying to convince the businessmen of America to buy Pierson paper products, I was in no mood to try to read a book. I was tired, and just wanted to relax with a little music before I turned in.

When I think about it, I guess I should have noticed something funny about that radio. I mean, it looked alright, but when you turned the dial, the needle wouldn't move. It was stuck way over to the right. I thought it was broken at first, but I was able to tune in some static, and then I found a country music station. Country's not really my taste, being from Philadelphia and all, so I kept on looking. I had just about given up when I came across the broadcast.

It sounded like one of those talk shows. You know the type where the host goes on about some issue or another, then the locals call in with their opinion? I thought it would be a way to pass some time and maybe learn a little about the area. Might come in useful on the sales trail.

So, I listened. And the more I listened, the more what I heard began to make sense to me. In fact, it made so much sense that I half thought about calling in myself. I decided against it, though, when I realized that the motel charged 95 cents for a local call. Can you believe that, 95 cents?

Anyway, I was listening to the host carry on, and I guess I got so caught up that I said something out loud. You know, agreeing with him and all. "What can you do about it?" I remember asking. The host of the program paused for a second, then he said very quietly "Do you really want to know?"

Now, I'm not crazy, and I'm not stupid. But I was tired, so I figured that my mind was playing tricks on me. The guy on the radio was probably talking to someone on the phone or in his studio audience, and I had missed the introduction. I listened again very carefully, but the program went to a commercial, and when it came on again, the station was only playing music.

The next morning I went to drop off my key at the front desk. I was standing around waiting for the clerk when I noticed a radio on the windowsill. It's dial was all tuned way over to the right like the one in my room. I wanted to ask the clerk about it, but he never did show up. I waited around for as long as I could, but I finally had to leave. I needed to make it to my sales meeting before lunch, and I had 200 miles to cover. I got into my car, checked my map, and started out for the highway.

The Texas panhandle is a lonely place to drive, and I switched on the radio for some company. There was nothing but static. I glanced at the radio and saw that the dial had been turned all the way over to the right. That struck me as strange, and I tried to turn the tuner knob up and down, but the needle wouldn't move. I had just decided to turn it off when suddenly the program I had heard the previous night in the motel came on. It was the same format as before, a talk show. I reached over to turn up the volume, and got the shock of my life. The radio began to talk to me.

"Folks, we'd like to thank Dan Fosterberg for joining us today," the host said. "Dan, why don't you say hello to everyone and tell us why you're with us?" I couldn't believe my ears. I thought that maybe I had a fever or something. I was delirious and hearing things. I pulled over and turned off the engine. The radio was still playing. "Dan, are you there," the voice said. Now the last thing I was going to do at that point was answer him; I just reached out real slow and tried to turn off the radio. I got a nasty electrical jolt for my efforts. "Uh uh uh, don't touch that dial, Dan. We hate to lose a listener." I think my mouth was just hanging open, but I managed to stutter out an apology.

"That's more like it Dan, now tell us a little about yourself." I didn't want to say anything, but I felt like I'd better say something. I started with my name, where I was from, and what I did for a living. The host kept encouraging me, asking me about family, my friends, how I liked to spend my free time. Then he asked me about Denise. That really threw me. I hadn't talked about her since the day she walked out on me five years ago.

The host said something like "Dan, there is no need to hold back with us, we know all about you." And he did too. He knew where I went to high school, who my Army buddies were, and what I had for dinner last night.

So, I told him about Denise. Then I told him about my lousy boss, and my lousy job, and my lousy life. I felt like everyone out there was listening to me, you know, really listening to me. "Folks, now we know why Dan is with us," the host said. Then he asked me if I was willing to help them change some things. I tell you, I didn't have to think long before I answered that one.

After I told the host I was willing to help, the program faded out and music came on. I didn't have long to think about what had just happened, because I looked at my watch and realized that I was almost late for my meeting. I started up the car and headed straight to my meeting. I made it just in time, but I must have driven 90 miles an hour the whole way.

When I got to that sales meeting, I was unstoppable. Bob Bartlett bought more envelopes that morning than I had ever sold before. He even made an order for some custom printed notepads. "The old man sure has had a change of heart," I remember thinking. The previous two visits I hadn't even made it past the secretary.

From that point on, things did begin to change. Every time I got into my car, all I'd have to do is turn on the radio, tune in my program, and the host would tell me where to go next. It seemed like everywhere I went, everyone wanted to buy from me. I must have put over 10,000 miles on that car. I drove all over Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri, and each time it was like it was with Bartlett. I had become the top salesman in my office, and it was all thanks to that radio program.

Well, I don't have to tell you that I was happy to take the program's advice. So, when the day came that the host asked me to help him with a thing or two, I was more than willing. It didn't seem like any big deal, especially compared to what some of the other callers had to do. In fact it seemed almost silly. All I had to do was dial in the program so other folks could join the audience. Nothing special, just tune any radio I came across all the way to the right. Anyway, that's all he wanted.

It came in real handy being a traveling salesman, because I began to notice a lot of radios. He'd tell me what town my next sale was going to be in, and when I was done, I'd find a few radios to tune in. Did you know that most offices had a radio? Well they do. Motel rooms and appliance stores do too.

After a while, I started to get curious about where all of this was leading. I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to come across as too eager. I was finally selling, you see, and that radio program was my ticket to the gravy train.

Well, I guess I wasn't the only one wondering, because it wasn't too long after that when all of my questions got answered. I was driving through Oklahoma on my way to a customer in Wichita Falls when the host came on and devoted a whole program to the plan. It made perfect sense. Things were going to be different, and I was helping to change them.

After that, there were a couple of minor things that I still had to do. That's where this brand on my arm came from. The host told all of us listeners to brand ourselves with a triangle on the inside of our arm, just below the elbow. It's so we'll recognize each other when the host and the others get here. I also had to quit my job. That was hard to do, especially after I had been doing so well, but I did it anyway. You know, I thought my boss was going to have a heart attack. But, the host said that I needed to do it, so I did it. I had to be free and available to help when they arrived.

And that's pretty much it, Doc. I've been waiting for the arrival about six months now, but that's all part of the plan. Nothing left to do now but sit and wait for everyone else to do their part. That, and listen to the show, of course.

The doctor nodded sagely and made a few notations in his green notebook. Looking up, he said "Well, Mr. Fosterberg, I guess that will be all for today. Nurse Russell here will take you to get your medication."

I started to say something, but changed my mind. "Fine, fine," I finally said and stood up. "See you on Wednesday, Doc."

Nurse Russell took me by the arm and led me straight to the prescriptions window. The clerk on duty gave her a small tray with two blue pills and a paper cup of water. She watched me swallow then gave the tray to the clerk and took me back to my room.

As she reached out her hand to turn on the light, I thought I caught sight of a little red triangle just below her elbow. But I was feeling kind of woozy, and tired. She steered me to the bed, and turned to go. She paused for a second, and I could see just a hint of a smile.

"See you on Wednesday Dan," she said, and closed the door behind her.